‘Do you girls want to have a seat?’ I asked.
‘Ten more minutes.’ A man standing at a door on the other side of the room yelled out.
‘Yea of course, man,’ I said. I took a seat with the girls, amongst the scattered chairs in the dull room. There was a hard cement floor and painted black walls with graffiti from other artists that had been here before on the far right. Other than two long tables at the back of the room, and the scattered chairs where we sat, the room was empty. Before I could ask about them, each of them started throwing questions at me like it was an intense game of hot seat — only this one was apparently going to go for ten minutes long.‘Where’s your favourite place you’ve played?’ ‘Which song of yours do you love the most?’ ‘Do you have a girlfriend?’ ‘Have you ever dated a fan?’ ‘Where do you live?’ ‘When are you bringing out some new music?’ ‘What do you look for in a girl?’ ‘Can we get an exclusive listen to your next song?’
I started to scroll through my phone to find a produced version of my next release, when the stocky, bald man in the corner walked over.
‘Okay, girls, times up,’ he said.
I jumped up out of my seat and hugged them all goodbye.
‘Hope you enjoy tonight, girls! Thanks so much for coming,’ I said as the security guard shuffled them back out the door. As soon as they left, a whole new crew of people walked in. Two guys were carrying my rider. Two bottles of champagne, two bottles of vodka, mixers, ice, glasses, a large bowl of mixed sour worms, Warheads, Skittles, M&Ms, and Jaffas. Everything that made you feel like a kid again, but one very lit kid. None of it was ever really for me, I was here to work. The extras, like the rider, were just for everyone else. I wanted to make sure everyone that came backstage had a great time.
‘Hey, guys,’ I said to everyone that came in, scattering themselves amongst the chairs.
‘Hey, mate,’ said a guy placing the vodka bottles down on the table. He approached me and shook my hand. ‘I’m Jack. I play before you tonight. I’m a big fan of your music, mate, I’m really stoked to be supporting you.’
‘Thanks, Jack. Thanks for supporting,’ I said maybe to enthusiastically, I always got so nervous being surrounded by people like this, what did they think of me? Did I defend their shiny representation of me, or did I fuck it up?
‘Don’t thank me, everyone is stoked to have you here,’ said Jack. He was a cool-looking guy. He had short blonde hair and wore tight black jeans and his white kicks looked brand new.
‘Well, I’m stoked to be here,’ I said.
‘I’ll grab you a drink,’ said Jack. Before I could decline, Jack was already pouring vodka into a glass. While he poured the drink the other gals and guys began to introduce themselves to me.
‘There you go, bro.’ Jack handed me a drink.
‘Cheers to tonight, guys.’ I yelled, holding up my glass. Everyone raised their glasses, shouting ‘Yew’, sculling their first poured drink. I held onto mine and tapped Jack on the shoulder asking him to direct me towards the bathroom. He pointed to a corridor in the corner of the room. I followed his directions locked the door and poured my vodka down the sink whilst filling the same cup up with water. If I drank the way people expected me to at every gig, I couldn’t imagine the state my brain or liver would be in. They’re not exactly in the best condition as it is. I looked up at myself in the mirror, readjusted my jacket, giving myself a moment before returning to the room full of unknown people. I stared into my own eyes. ‘Time to put on another great show,’ I whispered to myself, ‘you’ve got this.’ if anyone had walked in right now, they would have thought I was crazy. I threw on a smile, swung open the door, and stepped out. The group of strangers was conversing amongst themselves. I pulled a seat up next to Torey the easiest person I found here to chat to, immersing myself in a conversation on — gigs, the industry, club promotion, etc.
I wasn’t too far into the conversation when Jack yelled out, ‘Guys, this is my boss — Emma.’ A girl with a short, white skirt and long, flowing, hair followed behind Jack. She walked in with such ease. She smiled at the group of girls that walked in with Jack and engaged in conversation. She wrapped her arms around her body closing off to the girls, she didn’t seem to look like she knew them, but kept smiling regardless.
As the girls introduced themselves, her eyes darted ever so quickly, and I knew exactly what was happening. Her smile was warm, genuine. I could tell the intentions that lay behind people’s smiles, it was a talent of mine I guess, each room I walked into I knew exactly who was fighting with who, who was lying, who was crying or screaming behind a grin. I could read people well. Living inside the club scene made my unwanted quality exhausting. But it was good to be able to pick the ones who wanted something from you and the ones who wanted to get to know you. The latter seemed rare. The beautiful girl, the stranger was just here; she didn’t want anything from this moment or the situation. Emma, yes Emma that was her name.
Torey distracted me, returning my gaze to him as he slapped me on the back and thanked me for the chat. He stood up and shuffled the girls that Emma was talking to out of the room and onto the stage. Emma didn’t follow, she accepted a drink and sat down, staring into space for a moment.
‘If I tell you my name, are you going to remember it?’ I asked. I just had to find out the smallest bit of information about this girl. My tone was a little smart, I think I was expecting her to stare back at me and get excited when she saw who I was.
Instead, she just looked up, confused. ‘Why do you think I won’t remember it?’ she said. I could tell in her eyes she had no idea who I was. I wasn’t used to this reaction. This was a little new for me. She had me intrigued. I stood up to get closer to her, really find out about what Miss Emma was all about. I took a seat right next to her.
‘I saw it in your eyes when you got introduced to the girls. You do the slight look away; I saw a twitch in your concentration. It’s when someone introduces themselves to you, and your brain just goes completely blank when they say their name.’
She laughed when she spoke and agreed with me. Her laugh was infectious. I could feel the vibration of her voice through my body. She was happy, content, high frequency. Maybe slightly insecure or reserved as she still held her arms close to her body and crossed her legs as she sat.
I had no idea who Emma was, but for tonight I just wanted a moment with her. I wanted her to take me out of my mind. Engross me in her world.
I made small talk with her, watching her lips move as she spoke. Technically right now I was working, I was hired, and I was being paid. But this was the first time in my whole career I wanted to loosen the work strains a little. Be spontaneous, walk away, spend some time with someone outside of a club. Just for a moment. Torey tapped my shoulder, he said I had two hours till my set time and asked if there was anything else I needed in the meantime. Perfect I thought. I looked up at Torey and then back at Emma with confidence hoping that she would follow my lead. ‘Actually, Emma was just going to show me a great place to get something quick to eat. I’m just going to pop out quickly and I’ll be straight back,’ I said.
Emma looked back at me like I was fucking crazy. Maybe I shouldn’t have lied, I felt as though she was about to say no but instead, she bought a smile to her face, sitting up taller and looked straight at Torey. ‘Yeah, fresh air and a full belly is what we need,’ she said. I smiled.
Torey seemed a little disgruntled, but surely, he knew I wasn’t going to miss the show. I had never missed a show, or a flight, or a hotel check in. I had travelled all over the world, but I had never explored a town outside of hotel rooms and clubs.
‘Okay, see you soon,’ said Torey.
Emma stood up out of her seat and I joined her, taking her hand, but I quickly let go as she seemed stiff, not holding onto mine back. I hoped she wasn’t upset with me for the lie. I walked out the black, graffitied door that I had walked in moments earlier, excited to spend even a small amount of time in a new town.
Chapter 3 — Her
I stood in the alleyway looking blankly at the DJ. He broke out into a smile as soon as he closed the back door of the club. I laughed as I watched his smile grow bigger.
