I fully dressed myself, I hugged her and kissed her lips once again and I turned to run back up the hill. I just realised. ‘Wait… do I get to know your last name?’ I called out.
‘I don’t even know your first,’ she said
‘Lucas’
‘Scully… Emma Scully.’ I repeated her name five times in my head, making sure I wouldn’t forget, as I jumped over the fence and ran through the traffic lights and up the street, trying to remember where we turned to get into the back of the club.
I remembered staring at the bakery opposite the alleyway we exited. The street was still dead, not a soul in sight. But it started to smell like bread, bakers must have been already getting ready for Saturday morning. I loved that smell; it was maybe one of the best smells in the world. I ran up to the alleyway taking a right turn in. I knocked on the black graffitied door. I took off my hat, shaking it and brushing my hands through my hair making sure that it didn’t look like I had been rolling around in the grass for an hour.
Torey opened the door. ‘Hey, mate, perfect timing. You did have me worried for a second there. What did you end up getting for a feed? Are you still hungry, the rest of the crew ordered pizzas so help yourself?’ He continued to ramble as we walked back into the club.
‘Oh yeah, thanks, man,’ I said, walking over to the table to grab a slice of what looked like meat lover’s pizza, where the girls from before were standing. Damn, I tried to remember their names, but it was gone. I conversed with them about their set, they were amped up from the energy of the crowd. I could hear it from backstage, the energy of the dancefloor, the beat moving through the club. It started to get me excited. I didn’t have time to process what had just happened tonight. But it was fun, lots of fun. And now I was ready to make sure everyone else in that room also had a night possibly as good as mine. Torey came up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder. He was holding out a shot of vodka for me to take.
‘All right, mate, you’re up let’s go,’ said Torey.
Fuck it, I thought. I downed the shot of vodka and walked through the main stage door towards the decks. Game time.
I sat in my usual seat, on the plane the very next morning after the gig. A little tired and staring into the moving clouds out the window. Watching their elegant movement through the sky, my thoughts wandered back to the night before. Emma. Something about that girl made me smile and grateful for the moment. I grabbed my phone out of my pocket that was connected to the inflight Wi-Fi. I typed her name into my Facebook search bar, there she was, the second one down, her gorgeous smile and her long flowing hair. I went to press the friend button, but something halted me, a lump rose in my throat. Don’t do it to her, just don’t, don’t do it to anyone else again, she deserved better than me, she didn’t need to get caught up in the craziness of my life even if we did just become friends. I clicked out of Facebook, placing my phone back in my pocket. I loved the memory she gave me, reliving last night in my mind made me feel alive, free, risky. I loved that feeling. I smiled feeling it all through my body. I loved this life. I needed to embody this more, the present moment. She had given me a moment I would cherish forever.
I closed my eyes, and my mind became lost amongst the clouds again and I smiled. Wild, risky, naked freedom. A sense of aliveness. That’s it, that’s what it would feel like to run on the clouds.
Chapter 5 — Her
I was sitting in my favourite café in Shelley Bay. It was Ten a.m., sipping coffee, and today I was spending my morning doing exactly what I loved the most, sketching. I don’t even know what the picture was becoming. I just let my fingers dance with the pencil and pad, and I let my mind get lost in an unknown led spill of beauty. My usual routine was to sit here till twelve p.m. Let the creativity flow out of me, before grabbing my bike and heading to my afternoon job at the local craft store.
I stopped drawing and looked up at the waiter, Jess, one of my friends I had met in town. She was from Austria, waitressing on a two-year working visa so she could live abroad on the beach, and surf at every sunrise.
‘You look so in flow today!’ said Jess, smiling at me as she wiped down the empty table next to me.
‘I don’t even know what I’m really creating,’ I said.
‘Large Macadamia Milk Cappuccino, enjoy,’ said Casey, as he sat my coffee order down next to the laptop. Taking my first sip from the large blue mug. The first sip of the creamy caffeinated froth was my favourite moment of the morning that I celebrated daily. Casey walked over to Jess and handed her a full mug. ‘You can take your coffee break now too if you like,’ he said.
‘Thanks,’said Jess taking the mug out of Casey’s hand whilst handing him the used wet wipe, she walked over and took a seat at my table directly opposite me.
‘Give me a look,’ said Jess, swirling my pad around so quick I reached out to stop her, but the pages were already sitting in front of her. The look in my eyes must have said it all. ‘Relax, you come here every morning and you’ve still never shown me anything you draw. It’s time to stop hiding away behind your tools, girl. It’s time for people to see,’ said Jess, she sat her mug down on the table and delved her eyes onto the page. I placed two hands around my coffee mug sipping it down with nerves as I watched Jess’s eyes flick through my sketch pad.
She finally looked up, her eyes were wide and staring right at me. I placed my coffee back down on to the table. ‘I don’t one hundred percent know what this is, or where you’re going with this,’ she said.
‘That makes two of us,’ I muttered, staring at her as if to say, I told you it wasn’t ready to be yet.
‘But you’re onto something, you have a talent. You need to embody and express this more. This comes naturally to you, it’s you’re thing, you have to own this,’ she said. I smiled thankful for her comments, her voice was so sincere. Jess took another sip of her coffee, and I swung the pad back around towards me. ‘There’s this local creative community that meet on the first Tuesday of every month at Café Ella. It’s a private group and people share their artwork, writing, music. Rumour has it a lot of talent has been picked up there from undercover agents. I went to my first one last month to showcase some of my photography. You should come with me to the next one. I know so many people there would love to see your paintings you have hidden away! The next one’s next week,’ she said.
‘Thank you. I really appreciate it, I do. I just don’t think I’m ready yet. Maybe once I have something more substantial put together, I’ll come along.’ I said.
Jess nodded; her lips drooped, a little upset by me declining her offer. ‘You should really think about what you want to really create, because your canvas is waiting for you, babe.’ She paused and looked deep into my eyes, leaving me feeling slightly exposed. ‘You’ve got some wonderous thoughts to share, and I think deep down you already know what to do with them,’ she said. I smiled at her as she took her mug and stood up from the table.
‘I’ve got to get back to work, but let’s catch up tomorrow night. Pizza and a movie?’ Jess asked.
‘Sounds perfect,’ I said. Jess flashed me a warm smile and walked away in the direction of the cafe’s kitchen.
Staring out at my table’s view of the beach, I was a little taken aback by Jess’s words. Maybe I should share my work more. I gulped down the last of my coffee, and slid my pad back into my handbag, grabbing my bag and strolling out onto the main street of the beach town. I had left my bike tied up not far up the road at the closest bike rack. I was going to ride a couple of kilometres to work. I strolled down the street peeping into the windows of the shopfronts I walked past. I gazed at bouquets in the florist’s window, mannequins wearing Technicolor print maxi dresses of a local clothes designer’s store, the smell of freshly baked croissants filled my nostrils as I walked past a French-style bakery.
As I walked along the streets my mind started to daydream about the reality of my current life, the one I had always dreamed of, that I was now living. I spent every morning waking up alone, walking barefoot around the lake near my house, every single day opened me in different ways. A comment from a stranger that I couldn’t accept, a conversation with my housemate that was deeper than any I had ever had before, a moment of feeling deep internal love for myself, then riddled by anxiety by a simple scroll of social media. Each moment taught me more about myself than I had learned in the past twenty-four years of my life. Every night, I lay my head on the bed that I rented, in a room that wasn’t mine, in a house full of people exploring their own journeys. Living out their own stories.
I took a left turn just before the main street’s traffic lights where my white cruiser bike spent most mornings tied up as I drew and caffeinated. I flicked the code on my lock and sat on my cruiser, kicking my feet up and let the wheels roll along with the cement backing it out of the rack, not looking behind me.
‘Hey, hey, hey…’ A male voice got louder behind me, and I felt a hand on my back, and a tingle up my spine. My heart almost jumped out of my chest. I squeezed on the breaks hard. I turned around to check who I had hurt. My eyes met a pair of striking blue, staring right at me. My whole body froze, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. My heart pounded as there he stood right in front of me, pulling his cordless headphones off his head, holding them in his right hand. I was completely frozen, with a daze overtaking my pounding head and heart. I felt sick, I couldn’t think straight.
