Mrs. Cristof gave a delicate, pleased hum. “Ah. There it is.”
“What?” I whispered.
“Darling,” she murmured, looping her arm through mine, “that is a man experiencing intense emotional suffering. Don’t worry—Cristof men always look like that when they’re in love.”
I nearly tripped.
“M-Mrs. Cristof?—”
“Call me Emeline,” she said sweetly, patting my hand.
We walked toward the group of brothers. Dimitri noticed us first—of course, he did. His brows lifted in blatant amusement, eyes flicking from me to Ivan and back again like he had just stumbled upon his favorite show.
Ivan didn’t move, didn’t blink, and didn’t seem to even be breathing.
He just stared at me like I was something holy. Jane, unhelpfully, elbowed me. “He’s practically undressing you with his eyes.”
I choked. “That isn’t appropriate.” How did she even know about that? She was only fourteen. I closed my eyes fora beat. I guessed I’d known about that stuff when I was her age. She did go to school.
Mrs. Cristof looked delighted. “Oh yes. This is going to be fun.”
Ivan straightened fully, chest rising with a heavy inhale. His icy blue eyes dropped for only a fraction of a second—to the ring on my finger, and pain flashed across his face. I’d wanted to leave it back at the house. I’d wanted to ditch it so badly, but I knew the moment I did that, someone would notice, and Donovan would punish me. I had to be good, even if it was the last thing I wanted to be.
“Poppy,” Ivan breathed as he took a step toward us but instead of continuing with what he was going to say, he pivoted to Jane and beamed. “You look magnificent. You look like a young woman! What happened?”
Jane’s cheeks turned pink under his compliments, and that gaping hole in my chest threatened to swallow me whole. How dare he be so charming? How dare he be so good at this? I was drowning. “Your mom helped me with my makeup,” she said shyly as she wrapped a finger around one of her loose curls. She wore a champagne colored slip dress that hugged her body in an age-appropriate manner. Her lipstick was a little darker than I was used to, but she loved it, and that was all that mattered.
“Are we done taking pictures?” Alexei scowled. “I would really like to make Audrey my wife and…” His dark eyes fell on Jane, and he pinched his lips together. “Get on with the husband and wife duties.”
Jane’s cheeks flamed even hotter as she realized what he was insinuating. The photographer looked down at the back of her camera and then up at us. “We don’t have any pictures with your mother!”
With the wedding and the few interactions I’d had with the Cristofs, I was beginning to see that they always got what they wanted. They were old money, after all. Plus, there were whispers about them being dangerous. But it was more than that.
There was something dangerous humming beneath their polished exteriors—something sharp and quiet and lethal that wrapped around every movement, glance, and word spoken. But even with all of that, they adored their mother and their women. They softened around their women like butter. They bickered and jabbed at each other, but under their mother’s watchful gaze, they were big cinnamon rolls.
The longer I watched them, the more evident it became—I didn’t belong here. I wanted to, more than anything else, and that was a terrifying realization because it could never be reality. Once I was married to Donovan Madden, I was sure these people would become my enemies. Donovan had made that clear when I’d asked him to come with me to the wedding as my date. He didn’t want to be seen with the Cristofs.
Ivan stood on the dais with the rest of his brothers, surrounded by waterfalls of flowers and greenery. The ceremonyspace looked like a fairytale garden carved out of the real world. A serene pond glittered behind him, swans gliding gracefully over the surface while geese paddled lazily at the edges.
It should’ve all looked romantic and peaceful.
Instead, my pulse skittered like something trapped. Because Ivan—massive in his tux, jaw sharp as a blade, eyes colder than the water behind him—kept finding me in the crowd. Every time he looked my way, something in my chest clenched. I swallowed hard and curled my fingers against my clutch. Thank goodness it was only their family here, or it would have beenthe talkof all of the elites in attendance about how one of the Cristof brothers couldn’t keep his eyes off of the one woman that couldn’t be his.
Across the dais stood Audrey’s bridesmaids. Her sister-in-law—very pregnant and glowing—stood first in line, cradling her belly with both hands. Then came a stunning redhead I recognized vaguely from news articles and society features. I was almost certain she was Dimitri’s fiancée. The rest of the women, I didn’t know at all but they were clearly all familiar with each other.
And there it was again—that bruising clench in my chest.
I wanted to know them.
I wanted to stand among them.
I wanted to belong.
I wanted for it tonotbe taboo for Ivan to search me out in a crowd. I wanted for it to be normal for us to be seen together. But all I was doing was tormenting myself.
My thoughts skittered to a stop as the music changed, and out walked Audrey in the most beautiful dress. It had a deep plunging sweetheart neckline with the rest of the dress hugging her curves in all the right places. She was breathtaking. One of the most beautiful brides I’d ever laid eyes on. She practically glided straight to Alexei, who was a crying mess. Even as Audrey practically floated down the aisle with her father, I could feel Ivan’s eyes on me. He didn’t seem to care about anything else. But I kept my eyes on the couple about to get married. I’d never seen so much love and devotion before. Tears pricked at my eyes before I could stop them. I blinked hard. This wasn’t my life. It could never be my life. And as Audrey reached the steps of the dais, Alexei’s entire face split into a smile so pure and ferocious it almost hurt to witness. I felt that same ache—the bruising want—tighten under my sternum. But still, I kept a smile on my face. Jane was sitting next to me, and I couldn’t let her see me falter. I needed to be strong for her, and she deserved to see true love like this in the open, even if it was only this time. She needed that example.
***
