The ache between my legs sharpened, but underneath it—underneath the hunger and theneed—there was something heavier. The crushing reality of what my life was turning into.
I set the toy on the bed and stared at it.
Then I stared at my door.
Ivan’s shower turned on across the hall. The pipes in the walls hummed as hot water rushed through them, and the sound alone made my thighs press together.
God.
I really was losing my mind.
I pressed the heel of my palm to my forehead and laughed under my breath. “Get a grip, Poppy.”
But I couldn’t because all I could imagine was him under the spray of the hot water, gripping his cock, thinking about all the things we had done together and all the things that could have happened today.
I climbed up onto the bed and decided pretending was the best-case scenario for my life now. I closed my eyes and imagined that instead of silicone, it was Ivan pressed against me. It was his hands sliding my little workout shorts down my legs, and it was him peppering kisses down my body. My tight panties went down with the shorts, gasping as I pressed the toy against myself.
In my mind, it wasn’t my hand, it was his. His rough palm sliding between my thighs, his low growl vibrating against my skin as he pressed his mouth to my stomach. I could practically feel the scrape of his stubble against my inner thigh.
My legs fell open wider.
I dragged the toy in a slow circle, shuddering at the pressure, imagining Ivan’s big hand holding my hips down, forcing me to take every bit of pleasure he gave.
“Fuck,” I breathed out, head tipping back.
The water shut off down the hall.
My heart slammed painfully against my ribs.
A hard tap on my door followed, and I bit down on my lip to keep from moaning out. I hadn’t even pushed the large toy inside of me yet; I was hanging on by a thread. Especially knowing he was on the other side of the door.
“Poppy.” His voice was muffled through the door.
I swallowed hard, pulse tripping. “What?”
“Don’t… don’t do that.”
My breath stopped entirely.
“Oh?” I said softly, fingers tightening around the toy. I was soaked, and I couldn’t wait to sink the toy inside of myself. It was that much better now that it would be to the sound of his voice. “And what, exactly, do you think I’m doing?”
His exhale was jagged. “You know.”
A slow and wicked smile split my face. “Jane is down the hall.” It was the only excuse I could come up with, though it was a valid one. She couldn’t hear us coming undone. She couldn’t hear me going back on the contract I’d signed to keep her safe.
My eyes flashed open. I was doing all of this to keep her safe. What the fuck was wrong with me? The toy was still pressed against my aching pussy, and I could still only thinkabout what he could and would do to me. I was at war within myself.
“I just saw Jane out. She’s headed to cheer tryouts.”
I squeezed my eyes together as I pressed the toy against my soaking wet entrance and tried to think of any other excuse to not do this. But the only thing that I could think of was Jane, and if I fucked this up… she would be gone. It was enough to keep me on the bed, with my legs open and the toy pressed against me. It was enough to keep him on the other side of the door because I couldn’t cross that line, even if I had been so close to crossing it earlier.
“You should go finish your shower, Ivan,” I said, breathlessly. I was imagining him again, under that shower spray.
“I can’t,” he rasped. “Not while you’re in there doing—fuck—” He stopped and then, “Open the door.”
“No,” I said with more confidence than I felt.
“Poppy,” he said again, softer this time. “Please.”
