“I miss getting fucked up the ass,” he said, almost pulling out of Austin’s arms as though in preparation for Austin shoving him away. “I miss standing with my hands pressed against the dirty bricks, getting pounded—I miss it, I miss it, I miss it, an’ I know it’s a lot to ask, but was wondering if we could try—”
He was almost squinting as he looked at Austin, preparing for the worst, preparing for the big fat no that Austin might give him. But, in the midst of this, he realized Austin was looking at him with some tenderness, his eyes soft, his hands still firm around Clay’s waist.
“I’ll probably be terrible at it,” said Austin, looking away, and then back at Clay. “But I can try. Do we need—do you have—? And how do I—?”
“It’s like regular fucking, but it’s like—” Clay paused to kiss Austin and then to kiss him again. “I’ll just be blunt,” he said. “You have to open my ass up, on account of you have a rather big dick an’—”
“It’s notthatbig,” said Austin, blinking his surprise.
“It is a bit,” said Clay. “It’s big and it’s gorgeous, so prep is important. I’ve got plenty of lube, and all you have to do is, well, you push your lubed fingers into me and ease the way for that big dick of yours. Then you can pound me into the mattress. Sound good?”
“Sounds rather clinical when you put it that way,” said Austin.
“It isn’t,” said Clay, hoping he’d not made a mistake in asking or in how he explained it. “I’ll love it no matter how you do it, if you don’t mind trying.”
“I don’t mind.” Austin ducked his chin to kiss Clay on the mouth, and then again, more softly. His eyes were the deepest green, his face flushed, perhaps by anticipation, perhaps with pleasure.
“Do you want to close your eyes again, like we did before, and do it by feel?” asked Clay, kissing Austin right back.
“No.” Austin shook his head, his eyes half lidded as he cupped Clay’s face in his hands. “I want to see you. I want to see everything.”
This was so brave, Clay wanted to just stop and hug Austin till the end of time. But the process was already begun because now he was worked up, and wanted to be out of his clothes and face-down on the mattress as soon as was humanly possible. And he wanted Austin fucking him even sooner than that.
With a gentle hand, Clay led Austin into the bedroom, leaving the ruby glass-topped lamps lit while turning off the overhead lamp so the bedroom was in semi-darkness but there’d be enough light to see. Clay opened the little drawer on the nightstand to reveal three condoms in gold foil packets that glittered in the slanted light, along with a small bottle of lube, which they’d used before when messing around.
Nothing in the drawer was a surprise, but Austin’s indrawn breath was a little loud, so Clay turned to tug on Austin’s hand and kissed him on the neck, right below his ear, and whispered, “You’ve got this.”
“I’ve gotyou,” said Austin, drawing his body to its fullest height, the line of his jaw firm. He pulled on Clay’s shirt. “Now, let’s get you out of those clothes so I can ravish you.”
Austin undressed himself and Clay at the same time, layer by layer, his expression serious as he bent to his task. When they were down to their skins, Clay could have stood forever admiring Austin’s long muscles covered by pale skin, the line of his hip leading to his groin. The tender curve of his inner thigh, dusted with dark hair. All of him was lovely, just as he ought to be, and Clay knew he was the luckiest man alive.
Clay found himself smiling goofily as Austin drew him to the bed and positioned Clay exactly where he wanted him, which was face down.
When Clay felt Austin kneel on the bed, and felt the warmth of Austin’s hand on the curve of his ass, he knew that he was experiencing the best love, the purest love. That Austin had come through so much, through such a nasty time with Mona, that he’d be willing to be gentle, to take the lead, take control, just to give Clay what he wanted was the most amazing miracle.
“How much do I use?” asked Austin, opening the small bottle of lube with a snicking sound.
“As much or as little,” said Clay, his words muffled by the pillow, his heart thumping into the mattress. He wanted to give Austin words of confidence because every time Austin touched him, it was always just right, done with patience, and care, and most of all, love. “Whatever feels right. No condoms, if that’s okay.”
Austin’s weight shifted, and Clay felt a kiss in the small of his back. Every square inch of skin felt like it was standing up and screaming for joy, and the anticipation, while killing him, was another layer of pleasure beneath that.
The coolness of Austin’s fingers along the back of his thigh almost made him jump. When Austin knelt between both of Clay’s thighs, pushing his knees apart, he almost came there and then, but stiffened his belly and held his breath because he wanted it to take a good long while. Wanted to experience all of this with edgy intensity all the way through him—this, Austin’s first time fucking him.
“Tuck your knee up,” said Austin in that serious, slightly bossy way he had that always made Clay’s limbs weak, started his blood to simmering. Then his whole body snapped to attention when Austin patted the inside of his thigh, right above his bent knee, then circled his fingers around Clay’s balls, just like he knew what he was doing. “A little more, please.”
It was like Austin to say please, and later he might say thank you, but right now, he was in charge or at least it felt that way. Clay almost jumped when he felt the cold lube along his crack, quickly warming to skin temperature, but not quite enough fast enough to let him forget it was there.
“I’m just going to get to it,” said Austin, pausing, stroking his fingers along Clay’s skin. “My heart is beating so fast, I’m not sure how long I’ll last.”
“Could come from just this,” said Clay, the words coming out a little muffled by the pillow. “Just do it. Whatever. Just do it.”
Austin’s fingers, tucked between Clay’s butt cheeks, circled his anus, then circled again. And again. He raised his hips to give Austin more access, shifted his hips, squirmed against the sheets. Austin’s other hand came to press in the small of his back, bossy and sure, and Clay’s cock pulsed and pulsed again before he could stop it, sending shivers through him, his hips curling forward.
The warmth of Austin’s body pressed close along his back.
“Oh, my,” said Austin, kissing the back of Clay’s neck.
“Ah, fuck it, I couldn’t hold it,” said Clay, half growling, half laughing. “Just fuck it. Just fuck me. Hard. An’ is it okay if we pretend we’re in an alley—or maybe I shouldn’t—“
