As the guests cleared out, one by one, leaving the ranch empty and still, at least for an hour or two, Leland indulged himself by going to the barn so he could go for an early ride. Most of the horses had been taken up to the fields for the evening, but one or two were in the stables, waiting for him to ride out. It wasn’t quite evening, but he needed a good long ride, a distraction from everything in his head.
Clay was there, looking sweet and dusty, and ready for a cold beer at the Rusty Nail in Farthing. Leland knew he did some hookups, but Clay was always politely vague about what he got up to. If Leland had been drawn to anybody at the ranch, someone he cared enough about to break the rules for, it would have been Clay. Leland trusted him. Liked him. He had a square look about him, strong shouldered, stocky thighs. Dependable. Earnest. Cute. Anything a man could want. But he was not Jamie.
“Hey, Leland,” he said as he saw Leland come into the barn. “Do you want me to saddle up Dusty or Mika?”
Mika was a cute orange roan, much loved by young ladies who came to the ranch for their Instagram followers. This didn’t happen often, though it seemed the mare knew she was pretty and tended to prance about. Dusty, on the other hand, a dependable chestnut with a buzzed mane, was not lovely to look at, not compared to Mika, at any rate. But he was calm and strong and could go a long way at a steady pace, which was what Leland needed just then.
“Give me Dusty,” he said to Clay. “And put on an old saddle; not one of the new ones.”
Clay saddled Dusty up while Leland checked for messages in his office. Then he quickly called Maddy to make sure everything was running smoothly, and to inquire whether she needed his help with anything. She did not.
Tucking his cell phone in the top drawer of his desk, he went out to the main part of the barn where Clay was waiting with Dusty, all saddled up and ready to go. Just as he was mounting Dusty, the horse looked at Leland with his dark brown eyes as if to say thank you for choosing him over the flashy Mika.
“You bet, boy,” Leland said, patting him on his sturdy brown neck. “We’re going for a ride. Thank you, Clay.”
“No problem, Leland,” said Clay with a touch to his hat. “I’m about to head out to Farthing; if you wanted to go, we could wait for you, so you could join us.”
“No, thank you,” Leland said as he led Dusty out of the barn to stick his booted foot in the stirrup. “I’m good here, but you go on. Not too late, though, okay?”
“Sure thing, Leland,” said Clay.
Leland rode away, walking Dusty carefully along the dirt road past the corral and up to the gate where the open fields were, and thought about the invitation that came from Clay on some Saturday nights. Maybe he was just being polite, inviting the boss. But maybe he meant it, and Leland had been blind all this time? Even if that were true, however easy on the eyes Clay was, Leland couldn’t have done anything about it. Besides, it was only Jamie, his green-eyed drifter, who made him want to break all of his own rules, and all the ranch rules, as well.
Guiding Dusty up the bit of path that was steep as it led away from the ranch was a good distraction. As was the swath of land, golden in the afternoon sunlight, that spread out before them when they reached the top of the ridge. From that spot, Leland could have ridden for hours and not seen another human being, only members of the ranch’s herd of horses, gathering at Horse Creek, or assembling around the blocks of salt he and Jamie had put out for them.
As Leland rode past the horses, most of the herd were in the tall grasses that twitched at their bellies as they ate with their heads down, tails flicking at flies, munching in a way that told Leland they somehow knew it was their night off. Except for Dusty, who willingly went where Leland directed him. Sometimes they cantered, and sometimes they trotted, and all the while, Leland’s heart ached.
Eventually, as the shadows grew long, and he realized he was out a long way. Nobody knew where he was, so, somewhat reluctant, he rode back to the main part of the ranch. Once there, with some care to attention, he took his usual turn around the ranch, checking out the creek that went up to the pond, looking at the fences and the state of the grass. Making sure the erosion along the river wasn’t getting out of hand. Scanning the horizon for prairie fires, which weren’t too common that time of year but which could happen. Everything was in order. Everything but him.
He rode all the way to the front gate, taking the last half mile along the dirt road at a fast gallop. Dusty obliged him, his legs thundering beneath Leland, his neck stretched out as though his rider had set him free after some long captivity and he was making the most of it.
Making a mental note that the gelding would be excellent for a strong, kind rider, Leland pulled Dusty up at the gate and wheeled him around. They trotted back through the trees along the main road as he let Dusty breathe it out, and together they enjoyed the patterns of shade and shadow, shade and light, as they made their way back to the parking lot.
And there, in front of the ranch store, holding a Carhartt jacket to his chest, was Jamie. Maddy was mounting the steps to her office, clipboard in hand, which left Jamie all on his own, with no one to see him there.
“Hey,” Leland said as he trotted Dusty up to the steps of the office. “Do you need a lift?”
This was wrong, all wrong. He’d already had a talk with himself about this, already decided how it was to be, and there he was, leaning down to smile at Jamie, a smile which he could not stop as he looked at Jamie.
“You forgot your jacket,” Jamie said, holding out the jacket. “It’s a little wrinkled, ‘cause I kind of fell asleep on it.”
“It’ll be fine, as Carhartt’s are quite sturdy,” Leland said, pleased, in spite of himself, that the jacket had been Jamie’s pillow. But even as he echoed Jamie’s smile, and ripples of pleasure wove through his heart, he knew he was making the same mistake. It was happening all over again, but he was unable to stop himself. “Here,” he said, holding out his hand to Jamie as he removed his booted foot from the stirrup. “Give me the jacket and come on up, I’ll save you a few steps.”
Jamie obliged by flipping the jacket over the saddle horn before swinging up behind Leland. He held onto Leland’s hand longer than strictly necessary, and Leland, in his own way, held on until Jamie was behind him on the saddle blanket.
A familiar weight settled against his back. When Jamie wrapped his arms around Leland’s waist and tucked himself close, some part of Jamie snagged itself inside of him, inside his soul. Leland ducked his head and despaired of his own weakness.
Jamie was holding onto him like he’d rescued him from a drowning raft, damp and dripping and grateful. Leland didn’t want Jamie to be grateful, he wanted him to feel—there were so many things he wanted from him and especiallyforhim. He wanted Jamie’s life to be good and full of purpose and joy, everything he deserved. Surely being with Leland would not take him in that direction. Would it?
Leland walked Dusty up the road to the barn, slowly to make the moment last as long as it could, them on horseback together. They passed the fire pit and went along the road to where they could look down the slope at the guest cabins and bunkhouses, where staff were just about finished prepping the cabins for a fresh wave of guests expected the next day.
Though Leland felt quite somber, he had to laugh when a few of the staff waved at them, and Jamie waved back, almost quivering with excitement, as though they were some kind of one-horse parade. Leland might have told Jamie that his staff wasn’t used to seeing him ride double like that, that they weren’t used to seeing him ride with anyone at all. Not that it should be happening. It needed to stop, even this simple activity. He just needed to find the right way to make it stick.
They rode into the shade of the barn. There, he helped Jamie dismount, then got off Dusty and gave him some good hearty pets along his neck.
“This horse needs a strong rider, but a kind one,” Leland said to Jamie. He wanted Jamie to linger while he figured out what he needed to say about how that kiss in the moonlight could never happen again. But what he said was, “Help me groom him?”
“Sure,” said Jamie. He grabbed the jacket from the saddle horn and hung it in Leland’s office as Leland tied Dusty up to a grooming post.
