Leland’s hand brushed against Jamie’s hand as they stopped on the edge of the glade of trees on the way to the staff quarters. With a slow grace, Leland seemed to be drawing Jamie deeper into those shadows, moving on the path away from the staff quarters, as if he meant to take Jamie to his own cabin. Then he stopped and, quite gently and slowly, clasped Jamie’s face in his warm hands, and Jamie found himself curling his fingers around those strong wrists to keep Leland right where he was.
“I’m not quite sure what I’m doing,” Leland said, his voice barely above a whisper.
Jamie could feel Leland’s warm breath on his cheek. Feel the tremor in those fingers. See the sheen in those grey-blue eyes.
“Neither do I,” said Jamie. “I mean, I don’t know what I’m doing, either, not that I am not sure what you’re doing.” Because he was sure, quite sure, that Leland was about to kiss him. “Yes,” he said, practically breathing the word, wanting Leland to know he could kiss him. Leland would be so careful with him because he was careful with everyone all the time. “You can—”
When Leland came closer, Jamie closed his eyes and absorbed that kiss like he had never done with anything else. Such a light kiss, not hesitant or shy, but careful and soft, Leland’s lips like silk, his hands warm on Jamie’s face. Jamie sighed, long and deep, as though he’d come to a place with fresh water after a long trek across a barren land.
When Leland pulled away, Jamie opened his eyes, looking for another kiss. Leland was smiling at him, though his eyes were troubled and dark.
“I’m your boss,” Leland said, low, urgent. “I shouldn’t be doing this.”
“Yes, you should,” Jamie said, holding on to his hands as hard as he could. “You can do anything you want. Anything.”
“That’s not how this works.” Leland shook his head and drew away, his hands falling from Jamie’s face.
Jamie felt cold, standing there in a circle of darkness as Leland moved out of the shadows and into a bit of light from the light from the porch of the staff quarters.
“I’m sorry,” Leland said. “I enjoyed being with you so much, but this can’t happen. It can’t. I’m sorry.”
As Leland strode resolutely off, it was all Jamie could do not to follow him, race after him. Beg him. Beg him like he’d never begged for anything before. But Leland seemed so unhappy about it, this thing growing between them, that Jamie stayed right where he was and watched him go, his long-legged stride taking him into the shadows.
Jamie’s heart ached in ways that didn’t make any sense. He’d come to Farthing because he’d been at the end of a very long, not very sturdy rope, and had only hoped to find a way to make some cash so he could go back to school and start over.
He’d never expected to have feelings for a man, an older man—his boss—who, if they’d met on the street, never would have even said hello to him. And now, here he was, his lips still tingling from that gentle kiss, his skin shimmering in reaction, looking at a dark hollow where Leland had once stood.
22
Leland
Activity on the ranch wound down on Saturdays, on account of guests were packing up, checking out, and finding their way from the ranch to the airport, or driving home. It was saved from being a mass exodus all at once because Maddy staggered the checkout times, which made everything smooth. That didn’t mean Leland wasn’t busy, because he was, maybe even more so as he took care of one issue after another, mostly tasks someone else could have handled, like helping guests carry suitcases from the cabins to the parking lot. And all because he didn’t want to think or feel or anything.
It was his own foolishness that had gotten him to a state of distraction where he’d barely slept the night before, had raced through his shower, and forgone breakfast because he hadn’t slept and then slept in late. It wasn’t like him, not at all. Neither was the fact that when he’d walked Jamie to the staff quarters, he’d kissed him in the shadow of the trees, kissed him like he had a right to, when it wasn’t appropriate in the least bit.
It was unexpected, though, the stamp Jamie’s presence had put on his heart. A drifter, right? Someone who floated in on the wind, without direction. Not the sort Leland usually wanted to get to know.
But Jamie’s story about his parents, his struggles, how he found himself without anywhere to tie up to in a storm of grief and loss that had overwhelmed him. He had such a watchful way as he studied people he talked to, studied Leland, as though, before the ranch, he’d never known what it was like to live the kind of life that came natural to Leland, natural as breathing.
Jamie had not been raised in a barn, but bad things had happened by the time he’d shown up at the gates to the ranch. His life had brought him down low and cut him adrift, and only now, in this place Leland loved so much, Jamie was starting to put down.
Impossible. It was impossible. All of it. After the season ended, Jamie would probably take his pay and make his way to the next stop in a life. But this was a lie Leland told himself, even as he signed forms, and answered questions, and met with Maddy at the ranch office to discuss the state of Cabin #4, which had been occupied by two older ladies who’d had quite the party the night before.
“Should we have alcohol on the ranch at all?” Leland asked her.
“Yes,” she said, nodding. “Yes, we should, but we should monitor it so it doesn’t get out of hand like that.”
“I agree,” Leland said, only able to half-concentrate on what he was saying. “I’ll talk with Bill about it.”
When she looked at him in that way she had, he amended statement to, “Thethreeof us should talk about it together, first opportunity we have.”
These were such mundane details, regular end-of-the-week discussions and follow-up discussions as the guests left and staff started cleaning and setting up for the next round of guests, who would arrive on Sunday afternoon.
All of this kept him busy, but it would not help him repair the damage he’d done by kissing Jamie. Leland would need to find him, hopefully before guests arrived on Sunday afternoon, and apologize. And then explain how it could never happen again, which sounded too mean, even in his own head, as the kiss had been somethinghe’dinstigated.
Had he made up all these feelings? He felt dizzy with the idea of Jamie, his heart soothed and made joyful all at the same time at the idea of not just working with him side by side, butbeingwith him. Sharing the evenings together. Riding out along the ridge, checking out the tall prairie grasses growing on the low hills below Iron Mountain. Coming back to sit on the front porch of Leland’s small cabin in those Adirondack chairs while the night grew dark and the stars came out.
He didn’t often share his own romantic nature. Besides, his responsibilities on the ranch left little room for odd fancies and heartfelt dreams such as seemed to come at him now, left and right, hard as he tried to battle them off. First chance he got, he was going to tell Jamie how it had to be.
