Was it a simple, clean thing where boy likes girl, girl likes boy, they date, and then happily ever after? No. He had a whole lot of baggage. And as crazy as it was, I was okay that he was a little mixed up about what was or wasn’t right for him. Sure, some people would be afraid of always being second fiddle to a dead person, but I understood that his wife would always occupy a part of his heart, enshrined forever in love and admiration. I didn’t want to take that away from him, nor did I want him to ever forget her.
But… if he thought there was a chance for something more, for healing in his future that included dating, and perhaps even love, then I wanted to be that person for him.
“Then… should we try?” I asked softly, loosening my arms from around his shoulders and letting my hands slide down to his biceps. I’d smothered the temptation to feel up his impressive arms before, but this was nothing like that.
“Try?”
I nodded. “I get you need time for intimacy, romance, and all of that. And I think you should listen to yourself on all of it. Butwe had fun on our first date, and I don’t know about you, but I really loved dinner with you tonight.
“So, if you’re trying to figure out whether you can ever date again, why not try it with me? We start casually—just the occasional night out, maybe a movie here and there, dinner here with your family. Maybe texting every other day or so.”
His brow furrowed, which wasn’t the best sign. “What, like you’re some sacrificial lamb for me getting my shit together?” he scoffed.
“What? No! Nothing like that!” I was so thrown off by what he said I had to gather myself for a minute. “Look, if you don’t want to, I don’t want to. But what I’m saying is that there are some things you just don’t know until you dip your toe in them, and that’s terrifying. So, I’m suggesting you dip your toe inwith me.Together. And if it works out, then that’s that. And if it doesn’t, I’ll still be your friend.” I gave his arms the tiniest squeeze. “That is, if you want to be friends.”
He swallowed thickly, and I truly felt as if his stare was burning right through me. “And you’d be happy about that? Being an experiment?”
I let go of his arms and sat back on my haunches. “Ben, I don’t appreciate your word choices making me sound like a victim. This is the second and last time I will remind you that I do not need or wish to be infantilized.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I appreciate that. As for the situation, the best way I can describe it is that I think there’s something between us, but I’m not sure if it’s viable, and you think there’s something between us, but you’re not sure it’s viable. So, I would feel safe exploring that with you and knowing for sure.
“And I won’t sugar-coat it. There’s a possibility of one of us getting hurt, most likely me, but I think it’s worth the risk. I’d rather try for something beautiful and not have it work outthan to never even attempt it and spend the rest of my life wondering.”
Especially since I was almost certain that I would never meet another man—or wolf—like Ben.
“You’d want to try dating even though I’m a shifter?” he asked, his stare so intense and unblinking.
I got the feeling that Ben wasn’t going to get my point without a parallel. “You’d want to try dating even though I have a chronic illness?”
He blew out a breath. “I see your point.”
“You don’t have to decide anything now,” I murmured.
God, I wished we could get back to kissing. It hadn’t lasted nearly long enough, and my lower half was definitely complaining about the abrupt decrescendo. But the make-out session was over, that was for sure, so I told myself to settle down. “I just want you to think about it.”
It felt like an eon passed, and then an epoch, and then the sun suffered gravitational collapse and became a dense neutron star before Ben spoke again.
“I… I would like to try.”
Oh? That was a lot faster than I had expected. “Are you sure? I don’t mind if you need to sleep on it or think for a few days.”
A greedy slice of my brain was screaming at me for giving him an option to back out, but how could I not? As much as I wanted him to say yes, to kiss him again, to hold his hand as we walked in the park, I only wanted that if he was certain right down to his bones.
“I’m sure. I’m not saying this will go smoothly, and I really don’t know if I’m capable of something like dating or lo—” He cleared his throat. “I think it’s worth trying. I’ve been frozen since what happened, and I thought that was all there would ever be for me. But…” He gathered up my hands. “But beingaround you has made me hope that maybe, just maybe, there’s more for me.”
“Okay then,” I whispered, blinking back happy tears. The fact that he placed so much trust in me was so beautiful. I didn’t deserve it, but I would prove to him that I was a safe person for him. With or without romance. “Let’s try it.”
“You’re going to have to be patient with me,” he murmured, squeezing my hands slightly. “I haven’t dated someone since high school.”
“Don’t worry,” I assured him, squeezing his hands right back. “I’m not in a rush.”
I didn’t have words for the myriad of emotions that played through the cobalt of his eyes, but I understood them anyway. We both had our issues, but now we weren’t alone with them. I was looking at someone who seemed to get it, although whatitwas wasn’t exactly easily definable.
We were both broken in different ways, and while I wasn’t naïve enough to think that he would fix those damaged parts for me, I could see it beingsomuch easier with his support. With the lessons we learned together.
My healing was my own responsibility, both mentally and physically, but man, was it easier with a community.
