One moment I was half leaning over him, one of my hands clasping his as I reached for the remote, the next, his free handwas gripping my chin and tilting it up so his lips could press against mine.
Oh.
Oh…
My eyes fluttered closed. It was everything I didn’t know I was waiting for and more. The heat of him was even more intense with direct skin contact, and his lips were so surprisingly soft. The kiss was sweet, but it wasn’t gentle. It had a needy sort of beseeching to it, like he was desperate for something only I could give.
And God, did I want to give him whatever it was.
I let go of his hand and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, pulling myself up into a kneeling position. If I scooted a bit closer, I could straddle him, and the temptation to mount his broad thighs like my own personal throne was definitely presenting a strong case for why I should do just that.
But I didn’t. It wasn’t quite like I was afraid it would all go away like a dream; more like I was so into what we were doing that I wasn’t sure I was ready to move on to the next thing—even if the next thing was really,reallyappealing.
But then Ben’s large hands gripped my hips, his fingers digging in slightly. Judging by the rumble in his chest, he didn’t seem to care about how bony they were, and I gasped into his mouth at the sensation.
That was the absolutelyrightthing to do, it seemed, because his teeth latched onto my lower lip, pulling slightly before he completely dominated the kiss in a bruising sort of passion, like he was so swept up in it that he had forgotten his decency. Like he’d forgotten to hold himself back.
My heart was racing, my blood turning to lava in my veins, but it was a million times more welcome than the thumping I’d experienced when Melton kidnapped me. While that had been terror and sickness tinged with the worry that my lifewas coming to an end, this was all elation and celebration. Our bodies reacted to each other with joy, and dare I say, even anticipation?
God, I wanted to crawl inside his skin. It was way too much too soon, but I didn’t give a damn. I was like a woman starved in the desert finally being offered a refreshing drink. I wanted to drink, and drink, and drink, until water intoxication was a legitimate threat. I wanted todrownin him and everything he had to offer.
“Ben…” I rasped into the kiss, tightening my grip on him.
I must have fucked up somehow, because he pulled away so quickly that I was making out with air for a split second before my mind caught up. “Ben?”
I opened my eyes, my vision a bit blurry at first. I had been so into it that his sudden retreat was like a bucket of cold water splashed over my head, and I was trying to figure out what the hell had happened.
“Is everything all right?” I asked cautiously.
“Your heart,” he said, and God, he sounded absolutely wrecked. In any other situation, I would be proud of myself that I could so thoroughly affect a man like him, but given his panic attacks, I was suddenly swamped with the fear that I had been taking advantage. “It’s beating too fast.”
“Huh?” Not the most eloquent response, but my brain was still booting up. Relief shot through me when I realized I hadn’t done something to piss him off; he was just worried about me. “Oh, yeah. It’s going pretty fast. Consider it a compliment to the chef.”
Compliment to the chef?Could I be any cheesier? But I didn’t let it distract me. I leaned in for another kiss, happy to reward him for being so considerate. But he applied a slight pressure to my hips, keeping me away from him.
“Don’t you think we should take a break? For your health?” Ben asked.
Irritation surged through me, chewing away at the edges of my arousal.
“Ben, it is perfectly natural for someone’s heart rate to pick up when they’re turned on and kissing a gorgeous, kind man. I’m a grown woman, and while I appreciate you looking out for me, I don’t need you to monitor my health. I can make my own decisions.”
“I know, and I respect that, but you haven’t been out of the hospital that long, and then there was the whole thing last week where I would have had to take you to the ER if we hadn’t gotten to your beta blockers in time.”
God, I really liked Ben, but if there was one thing I couldn’t stand, it was people being condescending because they thought that I needed their pity, or they thought I was too sick to be competent. I understood that I had made mistakes, and I understood that I had needed Nox to verbally smack some sense into me, but I didn’t need someone else to monitor whether it was safe for me to make out with someone.
“Believe me, I am well aware of everything I can and cannot do because of my illness. I like you, Ben, but I do not need you to determine whether I’ve had enough time to heal or not. If you want to stop for any reason, and I meananyreason, that’s fine, as long as it’s a reason on your end. Don’t presume to make one up for me.”
Ben let out a long, ragged sigh that almost made me feel a bit guilty—almostbeing the keyword. If there was one thing I had learned in my long life of being chronically ill, it was that I should never feel guilty for setting boundaries with people.
Carefully, he let go of my hips, and I could have sworn he was about to get up and admit that everything we’d done so far wasa mistake, but instead, he took both my hands in his, my bony fingers swallowed up by his calloused palms.
“You’re right, and I apologize. It’s not my place to decide whether you need time.” Those gorgeous, blue eyes of his were so open, so vulnerable, that all my irritation melted away. “The truth is,Ineed more time. I’m attracted to you, and I have these feelings in my heart that I’m not sure how to untangle yet. I still love my wife, and I only recently even started thinking about the possibility of finding love again.”
If he thought my heart was beating hard before, I knew that it had suddenly ratcheted up a whole bunch.
Ben had feelings for me.
Ben had feelings for me!
