But if it wasn’t Charles, who was he? Clearly, he knew me enough to attack me.
My wolf howled, wondering why we weren’t ending it with our opponent. Why we weren’t taking out any threat to our loved ones. But when I took a step forward to appease him, Giselle stepped in front of me.
“I’m not sure if you can hear me, but I need my beta blockersnow.There is no time to delay. So, please shift and take me back to my purse.”
She was talking to me like a teacher, but my wolf bristled at it. She didn’t know! She didn’t understand! Wehadto take out the enemy. We’d already done it once, but clearly it hadn’t stuck!
My mind was in a furor, overlapping thoughts all fighting and shouting at the same time. I wanted revenge. I’d thought I’d gotten it, but the man in front of me proved that I’d failed.Again.Vengeance would bring me no solace, but my wolf crowed that weneededit. We wouldn’t survive without it.
Then there was the paranoia. Somehow, I hadn’t killed him good enough the first time. Ihadto do it again. And better.
But he’s not Charles,the more human side of me tried to insist. And yet the wolf side of me didn’t understand how he could be anyone else.
Chaos. Pure chaos. It made me want to puke. It made me want to sink my teeth into the helpless man’s throat and rip and tear until all that remained of him was a bloody paste. I wanted… I wanted…
“Ben, please. I need your help.”
Those words were like a balm over the raging infection of hatred within me, and suddenly I was acutely aware of her racing heart again, and her cortisol scent was so strong it was nearly enough to overcome the blood and pain of not-Charles as he continued to whine and whimper.
Sheneededme.
I gave the bleeding phantom one last look. One last look at the man who couldn’t—shouldn’t—exist. And in that moment, I let him go.
Breathing deep, I pushed my wolf to the side and took the reins again. He was pissed, but I told him our job was toprotect,and Giselle needed our protection.
That shut him up enough for me to shift. In spite of that, it was far more searing and aching than it usually was. Granted, did I even have ausualanymore, considering I hadn’t shifted since that night I’d killed Charles in retribution?
I didn’t know, but I would worry about that later. I pointedly didn’t look at Giselle’s expression as I changed from a giant wolf to a man and got to my feet.
When we did lock eyes, her hazel with my blue, her pupils dilated to pinpoints even in the dark, I didn’t see terror there.
“Let’s go,” I said simply.
THIRTEEN
GISELLE
A Whole Lot of Backstory
The entire world was both wibbly and wobbly.
We were in Ben’s car, and Ben was driving us to my purse. I tried to center my thoughts entirely on breathing to a count and getting my bag.
Because I really,reallycouldn’t think about what had just happened. Not until I had my beta blockers and a chance to calm down. There was far too much adrenaline in my system, not that I could blame myself. After all, I’d just experienced the impossible. A grown man becoming?—
No.
I was not going to think about that.
Not yet.
Just focus on your counts. Breathe in for eight, hold for seven, breathe out for eight.
It was easier than I thought it would be, if only because anything farther than a foot from me was pretty much a kaleidoscope of undiscernible color.
I had no idea how I was still conscious. I felt far worse than I had in the classroom, and my heart was beating harder and faster than it ever had in my life. I felt like I was burning up, but also like I was impossibly clammy. My stomach was lurching, twisting, and doing its own Tae Bo routine without my consent.
I was a mess, and if I didn’t get my medication soon, I’d end up in the hospital again. However, at the same time, I did feel myself ever so slowly stepping away from that ledge. The difference was almost imperceptible, but it was there, my heart having slowed perhaps an iota or so.
