The hopeful way Leo then looks to me, as if begging me to like Jordan.
If Leo is into Jordan I know that means he’s already ascertained that Jordan is…receptive.
An achingly intense innocence radiates from Jordan’s eager expression, along with a delicious wide-eyed wonder tinged with the echoes of a haunting disbelief he’s actually standingherewith us. Like ghosts of darker days compete for his attention and whisper in his mind that he’s unworthy and try to convince him this won’t last.
I know that feeling all too well.
I wish I could protect his innocence by pulling him into my arms and holding him close and keeping him safe.
Which is a laugh because I can’t even nut up to come out of the closet and openly date the man whose irrational levels of love and loyalty mean he’d willingly die for me. I mean, what does it say about me that here I stand, staring at a man I’m meeting for the first time and already falling hard and fast for, while the man who’s secretly loved me for years watches?
Yes, I spent the previous years telling Leo he should date others even though he never took me up on it. I fully recognize that irony is slapping me in the face right now.
No, I don’t want Leo dating Jordan—Iwant to date Jordan.
God, do I suck.
Weighing in about who to hire for the task of interior design was a decision I passed on. At the time I honestly didn’t give a crap how my residence and office would be decorated. I told Shae and Chris whoever they picked would be fine with me because there was no reason to have two separate designers when they’d need to coordinate the chaos of the inauguration day move.
When they hired Jordan, Kev sent me all his information and I sat in on the brief video call with Shae and Chris. Later, I spent hours lost and wandering through Jordan’s online portfolio. While the video chat piqued my interest it was Jordan’s artwork that entranced me. I sensed a vulnerability in his work that deeply resonated in me.
I genuinely looked forward to meeting him in person and working with him because I enjoyed his art. In what rare moments I had alone I found myself on my personal tablet and browsing his work, taking time to zoom in to examine sections of a particular piece that spoke to me. It felt like he’d seen some shit in his life but still managed to focus on positivity.
I could totally relate.
Now, with the adorable guy standing in front of me, I realize the artwork I spent so much time perusing truly is an extension of the man’s spirit.
Don’t tell me love at first sight isn’t a thing because here I stand, proof it can strike twice in one lifetime. This is a man who looks too innocent, too pure for this town.
Terror fills me and I struggle to school my expression. IwantJordan.
Desperately.
I wonder what it’d feel like to hold him in my arms and make love to him. I can damn near imagine hisO-face.
I want the man whose artwork haunts my thoughts to be the man in my bed.
And since he can’t be in my bed I know it’s best he’s in Leo’s, no matter how bitterly that sears my soul. At least Leo can protect Jordan in ways I can’t. Give him the kind of life I can’t.
Jordan can give Leo things I can’t, either.
Like a social life with a fearless partner on his arm, finally able to attend events with someone instead of going solo.
Like not spending nearly every night alone in bed. If I’m lucky, maybe Leo won’t ride off into the sunset with Jordan and leave my ass.
Doesn’t mean I’m not fucking green with envy.
Because Leo gets to be with Jordan.
Over the next days and weeks, the longer Jordan works for us the deeper my feelings for him grow, and so do Leo’s.
Make no mistake, while Leo hasn’t specificallysaidanything to me about it, with every day that passes I see it in Leo’s face, hear it in his voice, see it in every glance and gesture the two exchange that Leo’s desperately into Jordan.
And I see it in the way Jordan responds to Leo.
Yes, it makes me the stupidest man alive, I know.
Igetit.
