Hard to believe, huh?
I was surprised to see you only served three terms in office.
Taking too much time from your wife? Or was it your law career suffering and impacting your earnings?
How did Daddy dearest feel about you not running for re-election?
I should stop writing these, because they only go into the drafts folder. I rarely send them, even though I always start out thinking I will send it.
But they’re still therapeutic, in a way.
Daniel and I are doing great. He works for a congressman and he loves it. We have a townhouse in DC we’ve already purchased.
We have a house on ten acres that we love back in Massachusetts.
That could’ve been you.
This all could’ve been you and me against the world.
I hope she makes you happier than I could. I do hope you’re happy. I’ve never wanted anything bad to happen to you, even in my darkest hours when love turned to hate for a little while in my heart.
I know I could have flown to Atlanta and showed up at your office one day and watched the look on your face. Terror? Grief? Hate?
What would it have been, Ward?
I know, I won’t do that. I can’t do that to you.
Because, fuck me, I still love you.
I pray for you all the time. I pray you’re safe and healthy and found what you needed, because I remember a guy in so much pain he was practically terrified of his own shadow.
I think seeing you again might destroy fragile things inside me that Daniel’s worked damned hard to rebuild.
He’s worked every bit as hard as I used to work on you, to try to rebuild you after your parents crushed you every time. Do you remember those times, Ward? Do you remember crying in my arms after a phone call or text from your dad?
Do you remember returning early from semester breaks so you could spend a day or two in bed and crying with me holding you?
Do you remember anything about me, or how much I loved you?
I remember the way your hair felt when I raked my fingers through it.
I remember the soft gasps you made the first time I went down on you.
I remember how you sounded telling me you loved me.
What were lies and what were truths, Ward? I’d really like to know.
I have finally moved on, in some ways, but I still have questions.
I’d like to know when you made the decision to ghost me. Did you do it on the spur of the moment, or was it planned?
Were you always going to leave me, or did your fear suddenly outweigh your hope at the last minute?
Did I ever have a chance with you?
Why wasn’t I worth more than a two-word note?…
* * * *
