He wants to go out again tonight. Even after I told him some of my pain, he still wants to see me again.
He’s different than anyone else I’ve met since losing you, and reminds me a lot of you in many ways.
Including daddy issues, but for legit reasons. His dad fucked up, got fucked up, and died a drug addict. Broke his mom’s heart and probably contributed to her death.
But you’re fucked up because your father’s a jerk.
Yeah, no comparison there at allll.
You’re probably earning seven figures, or more, but let’s worry that daddy might not like having a gay son.
Oh, excuse me, you have a wife now. Does that make you bi, I suppose?
I don’t even know if I can believe you thought you were trying to protect me, because fuck that shit. It feels more like you were trying to protect your inheritance. Was money worth more to you than I was?
Feels like maybe it was. And it fucking stings, because I bared my heart and soul to you and would’ve walked through fire while wearing gasoline pants for you…
* * * *
…I’m getting married tomorrow. In another world, in another time, I thought this day would happen with you, years ago. We should’ve been married for over ten years now.
This should’ve been our wedding day.
I hope she was worth it.
I hope you found whatever it was that I couldn’t or didn’t give you.
I hope the life you live now was worth not having the decency to at least give me closure, look me in the eyes, and tell me what I did that was so wrong you felt the need to end things the way you did with me.
No, really, I’d like to know. Because if you feel I fucked up, I don’t want to repeat that mistake.
Daniel knows enough about you and what happened, but I haven’t told him your name. Don’t worry, I’ve protected your identity, even though Daniel’s hinted that’s far more respect than you deserve, after what happened.
The patience this man’s had for me over the past four years has proven to me I should quit waiting for you to return when I know damn well you’re not.
Ever.
I’m getting married. Tomorrow.
To someone who’s not you.
Someone who’s loving and trusting and who’s promised that, even if he does ever want to leave me, at least he won’t ghost me. He’ll do me the courtesy of telling me why he’s leaving.
He might even give me a chance to make it right first.
My parents welcome him as a son.
The way they would’ve welcomed you.
We could’ve been getting married tomorrow.
I’ll stand there trying not to imagine your face, or see the alternate timeline in my brain.
I’ll tell myself all the logical reasons marrying him is the right decision, all the reasons I’d tell anyone else if they were asking me for advice…
* * * *
…Well, I did it. I am now a US Senator.
