Who does that remind me of?
Oh, yeah.
I’m a very bad man, who does very bad things.
In this case, I’m also going to be very selfish.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Getting up the next morning and showering with Jordan, eating breakfast with him…it feels like the start of a new routine I could easily get used to.
Fortunately, Elliot’s not in the office first thing to witness our arrival. Because Chris spots us, does a double-take, and gives me a thumbs-up once Jordan’s out of view.
Not like Chris hasn’t seen us arrive together before, but I think I know why he reacted like that, because Kev says it when he passes me on his way to get coffee from the break room.
“You’re smiling like you hit the lotto, Leo. What’s up?”
I shake my head and silently curse myself. “Nothing. Everything’s fine.”
With this newest development, it means I must sit down and talk to Elliot.
Sooner rather than later.
While Jordan and I must exercise discretion, there’s currently no scandal if our relationship is exposed. He’s not my subordinate. He doesn’t report to me. Not officially. Even though, yeah, he sort of does. Once Shae’s sworn in, Jordan will still be working for the campaign while I’ll be working for the government, so it won’t even be an issue. Unless he says he’ll stay, then I can get him a job within the administration in a position so our relationship won’t matter. Even though it’s a bit of an inequitable relationship, we’ll be reasonably equal coworkers on paper. If Jordan doesn’t make it a scandal, it will never be one.
We’re both single, consenting adults.
Not like I haven’t spent the last six years in an inequitable relationship.
I refuse to live in a closet any longer. I want to go out to dinner and be able to hold hands while we walk, or play footsies under the table. I want to go to the movies together and sling my arm around his shoulders and not worry about the optics. I want to go see Christmas lights and hold hands.
I want to kiss him when the clock strikes midnight on New Year’s Eve and not worry who sees us.
I wantmorewith him.
Except Elliot’s Master wants all of these things with…
Well, Elliot.
Jordan is an innocent, beautiful, talented, eager man. If I go down this road with him, that bell can’t be unrung, to mix a metaphor. I’m already thinking in terms of him beingmine.
This is a slippery slope. Before I jump, I need one last chance to convince Elliot to commit to…something.
Anything.
He needs a chance to look me in the eyes and tell me he’s okay with this, or that he’snotokay with this and ask me not to do it.
Right now…
Honestly?
I can’t tell you which way I hope he breaks. Because there’s so much promise in Jordan’s kisses, and everything’s so damned easy the way it was in the beginning with Elliot, except without his crippling fear and smothering closet to hold us back.
Once Jordan’s left the campaign office for the day, I know it’s time to talk to Elliot. Jordan doesn’t know I’m going to talk to Elliot about this. I told Jordan I’d meet him at his hotel, and we’d go shopping together before returning to my place. I didn’t tell him I’m talking to Elliot mostly because I didn’t want Jordan stressed out today. There are too many variables. As of this moment, nothing’s set in stone.
Besides, I still haven’t confirmed to Jordan that he’s right about it being Elliot.
I’ve put all my cards on the table, except confirming it’s Elliot, and the one thing Jordan has not said is that there’s no chance he’s staying in DC. Had he taken that option off the table, meaning there was a finite lifespan on this thing between us, I would have approached everything differently.
