She sits up and meets my gaze head-on. In this way, she’s definitely channeling an odd mix of her mom and her Aunt Casey. “Dad, you know Mom had a lot of things she wanted to help you do as First Lady if you ever ran and got elected. Education initiatives.Voter registration. Environmental protection. Youhaveto run again. If you don’t, it’s an insult to her memory.”
I blink back tears. “You’re still in high school.”
“So? I’m graduating next spring. Don’t youdareput this on me, Dad. You wanted to be governor—well, congratulations. I know it’s nothowyou wanted it, or on the timeline you wanted it. What’s that you always told me, that lifeisn’t fair but we have to make what we can of it? If youdon’trun,I’llnever forgive you. You can’t just crawl into a hole and wish you were dead.”
She brushes away angry tears. “If youreallyloved Mom, do what you know she’d want you to do—run. This is what you dreamed of. It’s even more important now that you go for it. Don’t waste this opportunity.”
I stare at my youngest in shock. Inmany ways, not just in appearance, she’s a younger version of her mother, with Ellen’s spark.
“What about spending time together as a family?” I ask.
To her credit she manages not to roll her eyes, although it’s strongly implied. “Dad, I love you, but I’d already planned to go away for school. I won’t be living here. Even if I end up attending Vanderbilt I’ll be in a dorm. I’ve got too muchgoing on. If I give up my dreams, Mom would have had a cow, and you know it. You would have, too, before all this.”
She’s absolutely right.
Yet it feels like some sort of galactic cop-out. Like I’m being an absentee father.
“Do I need to call Aunt Casey? Or Logan and Ryder?” she asks. “Because they’ll agree with me.” I wait too long to answer because she adds, “You raised me to be independent.That’swhat I’m doing.”
I don’t want to admit that maybe her dad is afraid to totally be on his own.
Thiswasn’tthe plan. Ellen and I were supposed to be able to get crazy and enjoy being empty-nesters in that nebulous time between raising our children and when they—hopefully—would bless us with grandchildren to spoil rotten.
My fears don’t belong on my daughter’s shoulders, and yeah, I knowEllen totally would have a cow if I try to get Aussie to live at home. If there does happen to be an afterlife, Ellen would come haunt my ass in some epically disturbing, Japanese-horror-movie kind of way.
I mean, seriously, she would.
“I don’t know if I can run again, honey,” I finally admit. “Emotionally, I don’t know if I really have it in me. But I won’t rule it out. Will that suffice?”
She gives me “the look.” Ellen’s look, and her Aunt Casey’s look.
“As long as it’syourdecision and not based onme. I don’t want you looking back when I’m putting a diaper onyourbutt and you telling me you gave up politics for me.”
I’m still processing that when the smirk shows up and I start laughing.
A hard, deep laugh that she joins in with me, her hugging me, me hugging her, until Istart crying again and now my daughter, my little girl, is holding me and consoling me.
I hate myself in this moment, that I’m not strong enough to keep it together for my little girl.
“Dad,” she softly says once I’ve calmed down, “I thought you guys werebothdead. I’d already made peace with it. I’d moved on in my head. You coming home was aliteralmiracle. Igetit—I’m the baby and the onlygirl. But seriously, make this decision whenyou’reready to, and make it based onyou, not me. You have, what, nearly two years to decide?”
Not really, because I should be building a war chest already.
I suck in a deep, shaky breath. “If they don’t admit you to Harvard or Yale, it’s their loss, sweetheart.”
She sits back and grins at me. “Oh, I know. And don’t worry about me doing somethingstupid with a boy, either.”
I wipe my eyes with my hands. “Why’s that, sweetheart?”
“Because I’m into girls.”
I honestly think she’s fucking with me, trying to make me laugh again, but now she’s watching the TV in a way that tells me she’s waiting for my reaction and trying to keep things chill.
“Did you…” I study her. “Did you just come out to me?”
“Yep.” Now she glances down at her hands.“Life’s short, right? Time to admit my truths, or something like that.”
I mean, honestly? In the grand scheme of things? Not that I would ever turn my back on my children, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’ll happily take a gay child over a pregnant teenaged daughter any day. “Okay. I mean, that doesn’t bother me. Did…do you want me to… I mean, did you need me to help you get info on supportgroups, or—”
