Chapter Ten
Then
Now that Ellen’s memorial is two weeks past us, life unsettlingly settles into a slower rhythm that jars me with how…mundaneit feels. It’s such a sudden shift it nearly gives me emotional whiplash.
With Logan and Ryder both away attending college in Knoxville, Chase and Tyson resuming their normal lives, and my schedule transforming into what passes for itsdaily rhythms in this grim new world, it’s painfully quiet in our house now. I guess I never realized how much spirit Ellen breathed into our home, or how much she was there for our kids. Or me.
I realize only now how much I took her for granted in many ways, even though that was never my intention.
That first night alone in the house with Aussie, we sit on the couch to watch TV and she curlsup on her side with her head in my lap just like she used to do when she was little.
Something Aurora Claire Forrester hasn’t done since she turned thirteen and became too cool to be Daddy’s little girl any longer.
Tomorrow is the start of her senior year of high school, and an Executive Protection Unit detail will start driving her to and from school. She asked for me not to go, because surlyteen girl mode is fast returning. The boys are both away at college in Knoxville, and they get shadowed by officers, too.
In a way that’s a good thing, I guess. That life is trying to return to whatever normal is.
She’s a little mad at me that I’m not going to let her drive herself to school at all for her senior year like we originally told her she could. She’ll be sixteen in a month, but thatpromise of independence was made before my world fell apart and I became governor.
Fortunately, her brothers and Aunt Casey helped me help her see why I feel that way. Losing her—any of my children—on top of losing their mother would absolutely kill me. Ineedthis little bit of emotional breathing room right now, one less stressor on my plate with an already overflowing buffet of attention-stealingitems fighting for my limited brain cells.
Aussie has her eye on trying to get into Yale or Harvard. She might be able to do it, too, with her grades. She already has letters of acceptance from Vanderbilt, UTK, University of Georgia, Clemson, Florida State, North Carolina State, and University of South Carolina.
The girl’s got choices, and crazy-good grades and test scores.
At least I’ll beable to pay for her college education wherever she ends up, even without a scholarship or financial aid. Ellen’s life insurance payout, and our lawsuit against the charter company, will more than take care of it, as well as the boys’ educations. Money problems are no longer a concern for me, not that they were much of a concern before. Corporate law pays very well, and I was very careful with ourmoney over the years.
One consolation I have is that Ellen spent the last ten years of her life being able to be a full-time wife and mom, which is all she wanted to be. That allowed her the freedom to also volunteer and do fundraising for the charities she held near and dear to her heart.
On the TVGrey’s Anatomyis playing but I’m not watching. This was Aussie and Ellen’s show, a mother-daughterthing they did together. Besides this episode, I’ve seen maybe twenty minutes total of the damn show over the years.
I’m watching Aussie.
She inherited her mother’s green eyes, brown hair, her intelligence and sense of adventure, her creativity.
Her sensitivity.
Ellen was the beating heart of our family, especially around holidays. Now I suppose that falls on Aussie. She always helped Ellenand Casey in the kitchen, loved cooking with them, and is nearly as good at it as Ellen was and Casey is. I can already imagine holiday dinners with Aussie wearing her mother’s apron and barking orders from where she stands in charge at the stove with her Aunt Casey helping her.
While we mere men hustle to carry out those orders.
I tuck her hair behind her ear and remember the little girl whoterrified me in some ways when she arrived because I didn’t want to break her, yet I wanted to teach her everything I could to be a strong, independent person. All while Ellen laughed at me and smiled as she watched us together.
The little girl who helped with campaign signs and fliers, and who wanted to go with me to knock on doors because she loved meeting people.
I guess we won’t be doingthat anymore. Because without Ellen, I honestly don’t think I have the heart to run in another election despite now being Governor. Especially not after how I came to office this time. I know that my “miracle rescue,” or my widower status, will be the sub-lede on every damn story run about me. It’s all I can do not to gag or rage with every countless, “We prayed for you both,” comment I’ve receivedsince my return.
The atheist in me wants to burn it all down. Especially those people who say, “Oh, it was God’s will.”
No. It was shoddy maintenance inspections and incomplete weather information, combined with bad fucking luck.
“She’d want you to run for re-election, Dad,” Aussie softly says, not looking at me.
I freeze. “What?”
She finally turns her head so her green gaze meets mine. “Mom.She’d tell you to run again.”
My throat feels tight, wants to close up. I have to swallow to get the words out. “I don’t think I can, sweetheart.”
