“Sir, with all due respect, sir, no.”
His smile fades. “No?”
“Sir, no, sir.” I opt to lie. “Working on my E-5 now, sir. Need to focus on that.” Which is an utter bullshit excuse, but since he knows Dad and who my brothers are, I’m hoping that buys me some space and time. I mean, Iamworking on my E-5, but that’s likely where I’ll end my career. If I bust my ass, I can apply next month.
He’s not done trying yet. “If you accept my offer, your career is no longer a worry for you. Eventually, I’d transfer you to my personal staff, so I’d have easier access. You’d have it easy all the way around. Private quarters. Fringe benefits, including traveling with me on official business. It’ll be a good life, a pay bump. Better than you can get now. Cushy. No combat. That’ll make your mom happy, I’m sure. It’lldefinitelyhelp your career.”
Could I live with myself, though, if Eddie, Kenney, and Gohber get deployed and I’m stuck in an air-conditioned office here?
Could I live with myself if I look at casualty reports and see their names?
Could I live with myself, or the memories of dropping my pants and bending over his desk, the sound of his breath in my ear as he fucks me, while knowing maybe one or more of my friends died in a desert somewhere?
I decide no, I can’t.
“Sir, with all due respect, I’m sorry, sir.”
He stares at me for a long time. “So am I, kid. I thought this would be a perfect solution for both of us.”
I also hope he dismisses me soon, or I’m going to be hurling all over him and his office.
He slowly shakes his head. “All right, then. Dismissed.”
I leave. This time, I manage to not hurl until I’m several buildings down from HQ.
* * * *
I don’t tell Eddie about the colonel’s offer. Over the next two weeks, Eddie still visits me several nights a week, and guilt is settling deep inside me. I don’t do anything sexual with him, just hold him, tell him what a good boy he is, tell him I love him, and rub his head.
I suspect he’s not telling Elsa about these visits.
I also try not to imagine what she’s doing to him or putting him through without me there to soothe him.
Also, the more I think back on those “play sessions,” I can see how much she used me against Eddie, in some ways. Left to go do whatever and put me in charge. Or let men—and a few women, but mostly men—use him as little more than a cum-dump and a doormat.
How she frequently withheld praise from him until after the fact, but never really soothed him.
That job always fell to me, both during and after, because I took the time to teach him German to be able to connect with him.
Two weeks to the day I rejected the colonel, I’m shocked and confused when my commander approaches me and pulls me aside to tell me I’ve been promoted to E-5.
#thatsnothowthisworks
I’m stunned, confused. I rejected him—whyis he promoting me early?
He shakes my hand. “Apparently, the colonel likes you. Speaks very highly of you.” He smiles, but there’s no hidden knowledge behind it. “Maybe your dad put a bug in his ear. Anyway, you have the points, but you get it early. Colonel pushed it through personally and got it approved. Good thing it happened now, too.” He turns to go.
A chill washes through my soul. “Sir? Good thing,why?”
He glances around before answering. “Keep this under your hat, but looks like we’re being deployed in-country in three weeks. FOB Oswald. Afghanistan. Orders should be cut tomorrow.” He laughs and smacks my shoulder. “Welcome to leadership, kid.” I stand there, stunned, as I watch him walk away.
Motherfucker.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Now
I’d opted to drive to TIA and leave my car in long-term parking. It’s awaiting me upon my return a little before noon that morning, and I climb behind the wheel with a weary sigh. I didn’t sleep well on the flight back, and I’m exhausted.
