I apologized for leaving him behind, and told him if he wanted to leave her, that I’d take care of him.
That I would never leave him behind again if he would just leaveher.
That we could figure something out forus.
Because now I’m fucking lonely as hell and realize I’m willing to risk trying to make something forus.
If he’ll just leaveher.
If he’ll just chooseme.
I don’t see him Sunday. Kenney, Gohber, and I go to town to see a movie and have some beers. I listen as the guys rate women walking by, but I’m unable to get the sound of Eddie sobbing out of my head.
Another memory I’ll never be able to erase.
He taps on my door at ten thirty that night, and I hold him, let him cry, tell him he’s my good boy.
Tell him I love him.
I don’t ask him what’s happening with Elsa.
I don’t want to know.
It’ll make me angry.
Angrier.
The best thing I can do is simplybehere for him and hope he decides to choose me, in the end.
* * * *
Not every night, but what I’m sure is every night he’s spent time with Elsa, I get a tap on the door and he cries. I hold him, rub his head, ask nothing of him. Anger is also tinged with guilt, that I left him behind.
Except I can’t force him to leave her.
I’m summoned to the colonel’s office on a Wednesday morning, the first time since that day I turned him down, and I nearly puke on my way there.
I run into Eddie on his way out of the building, and he looks horrible, but won’t meet my gaze as he ducks around me and scurries off.
I struggle against the urge to run after him and find out if he’s okay, barely suppressing my rage over whatever things Elsa is orchestrating being done to him, and holding back my grief over what we’ve lost.
I stand at attention while the colonel closes and locks his office door. He moves to stand in front of me.
“I don’t often give second chances,” he softly says. “We can have an…arrangement separate fromher. It’ll be good for your career, and your pocket.”
I don’t break attention. I think about the money, wonder how good it is, and for the briefest of moments Iamtempted.
But then the sound of Eddie crying in my arms in the dark fills my brain.
I keep my voice down but do not break attention. “Sir, I’m sorry. I don’t understand the question, sir.”
He stares at me. “Five thousand a month, cash, and you’re…exclusivewith me. It’s what I was paying her. I don’t know how much she gave you of that. I hate the new guy, and that friend of yours…” He waves his hand.
Fuckballs.
Rage takes over again, and this time, I meet his gaze. “Sir, I wasn’t given one red cent,sir.”
He smiles. “Then I guess you’ll be happy to accept that offer, huh?”
