I want him,andOwen.
Jesus, I’m so fucked.
* * * *
Carter has given me the most important rules—Owenalwayscomes first, no lying to Carter, or cheating, obviously. Also, I don’t tell Owen things Carter hasn’t cleared me to tell him, including the things Carter and I are now doing to each other. And, of course, Carter’s in charge.
Duh.
But the rule I have to focus on first is that I’m not allowed to fall in love with Carter unless I can promise him I will marry him.
Not just marry him, butsubmitto him. And that I have to admit it to him immediately if I do fall in love with him.
Short of that, Carter has promised to do nearly any- and everything I want to try, as long as I promise to keep my heart on a short damn leash and under control.
That rule’s strict, but I’m cocky and think I know exactly what I’m doing and can handle this.
Carter has a long-range plan that I don’t know all the details of, but he told me it’s a two-part plan. The first part, which is actually the immediate goal, is him seducing Owen and collaring him. He wants to do that before the end of the semester. Carter has made no secret to me that he’s bi, and that he wants Owen to belong to him. It’s one of the things I had to accept and be okay with—which I am—for him to do anything else with me.
Only once that step is completed can he even begin plotting the second part, which is to get Owen, then me, elected governor.
What, exactly, our relationships are to each other when that happens remains to be seen. Because I’m not allowed to fall in love, and I’m damn sure not ready to get married yet.
Except…
It’s tough. Damned tough.
I’ve decided I won’t question Carter’s methods, unless I see him do something that I feel is not ultimately in Owen’s or my best interests. I understand he’s going to use some unconventional and even downright underhanded tactics on Owen. Without telling me everything, he’s indicated that Owen had a rough childhood, and one of the things Carter wants to do is get Owen away from the reach of his abusive mother and help rebuild his self-confidence and trust.
But in the process of doing that, Carter’s first going to have to break Owen down and take control of him from Owen’s mother. And Carter warned me it might look ugly and brutal in some aspects, but to keep the final goal in mind before I judge him.
I’mfinewith that—helloooo, my father is king of the ratfucks and political machinations—as long as the goal is to help Owen, to love him and take care of him,notharm him.
Carter has sworn to me that he will never intentionally do anything to harm Owen, but that I have to trust him and follow his lead. Including playing dumb, sometimes.
Fortunately, I’m allowed to masturbate, because I would be an unholybitchif I wasn’t. I know if I ever decide I want more with Carter, that would be taken off the table, which is another reason I’m trying to keep my heart corralled.
Carter’s not fucking me yet, but we’ve managed to do nearly everything but. He keeps me on my toes and we use a texting app that deletes our messages automatically to help prevent Owen from accidentally seeing anything.
Though as our friendship with Owen deepens, I can see why Carter is doing this. Especially the more I learn about Owen’s mother and the shit she put him through. Having two loving parents, and also being financially secure, I cannot fathom what Owen has endured.
Carter and I get to arguing about this in private one afternoon, when what I really wanted to do was suck his cock. We are both half-naked on my couch, and, in passing, I ask Carter to send me Owen’s car insurance information so I can pay it in advance for him as a surprise gift, giving him one less potential stressor.
Carter shuts me down.
I stare at him, still not believing he’s said no. “But why the hell not? Seriously, Carter, my trust probably earns that much a damnmonthin interest. I can afford it.”
His expression goes stony. “You agreed to follow my plan, and to not fuck my plan. You also agreed to letmebe in charge. Are you backing out?”
It startles me how he can flash from the playful, sexy man he was mere breaths ago to this frigid chill. “Just tell me why,” I beg. “Please?”
He starts to carefully untangle his limbs from mine. “I’m sorry, Suse. I told you my rules. Either you trust me, or you don’t.” He stands and reaches for his T-shirt, where it’d landed on the floor.
Suse is his safeword for me, just like me using his full name is mine.
“Wait, please?”
He stops and looks at me.
