“Not exactly ....”
IT WAS Atouching moment when I looked around at all the people who showed up to celebrate my birthday with me. My coworkers, my brother, closest friends, and my amazing boyfriend all gathered in one place to wish me well. I’d never had a birthday party before and the fact that Xavier put so much thought in to it drove home how blessed I was to have him in my life.
The doors to Bottoms Up opened and I got the surprise of my life when my dad walked into the bar with a wrapped gift tucked beneath his arm. He looked around for a familiar face and I saw a friendly smile split his face when Xavier approached him. They shook hands and Xavier gestured over to where I was standing.
Daniel’s eyes met mine and he smiled tentatively at me. I tried to smile back, but the truth was I was too emotional to do anything but stare. I was in real jeopardy of losing my shit and crying like a little boy, because there stood my father making the move I needed him to make. I knew that Xavier and Van were behind his invitation, but he was the one who accepted it and showed up.
This was the moment I wanted my whole life. I could be a dick and reject his reconciliatory gesture, but I’d regret it for the rest of my life. I decided to meet him in the middle, both literally and figuratively.
“Happy birthday, Ben.” I could feel his nervousness rolling off of him in waves.
“Thanks, D-dad.” I had started to say Daniel, but if I was going to take this leap then I needed to give it my all – no matter how scary.
“You think we could find a quiet corner and chat a minute?” His smile was hopeful after I called him dad for the first time in probably twenty years.
“Sure.” I found us a table in the back corner and took a seat. “Thanks for coming to my party.”
“I’m glad I was invited. Listen, I want to tell you that I think Xavier is a wonderful young man. I’m not real crazy about the pierced lip, but I can see why you’ve fallen in love with him. He has a pure heart and that’s really rare.” My dad waved at someone behind me and I turned to see who. Ian waved awkwardly back at my dad then offered me an encouraging smile.
“Are you in love with Ian’s mom?” I asked once I turned back around to face him.
“Cassandra,” he corrected, “and, yes, I am in love with her.”
“Dad, you’re trying to do right by me and I truly appreciate it. I think it’s also time to do right by Beverly, Cassandra, and yourself. Life is too short to live in misery and you don’t owe your parents jack shit.” I looked my father straight in the eye while I searched for the right words to say. This whole thing was new to us and I didn’t want to do or say something that ruined our tentative truce, but I had to be completely honest with him. His cheating lifestyle really rubbed me the wrong way, even if my mom was a heartless bitch. “You took over a fairly successful law firm and made it one of the top ten in the tristate area. What’s the worst that will happen if you divorce Beverly? You’ll give up half of your wealth and material goods, which will still leave you with a stupendous amount of money. If you get ousted from the firm then you can take Cassandra on a very long vacation and be happy for once in your life. Dad, you have to look yourself in the mirror every day and I don’t see how you can possibly like what you see, knowing that you are married to one woman and stringing along another.” I blew out a nervous breath.There I said what was on my mind and the sky didn’t fall.
“I’ve thought about it, Ben. A lot,” he confessed. “I’m not proud of the way I’ve lived my life and blaming my parents and Beverly is getting really old.I’mgetting old and I just want some peace and tranquility for the remainder of my time on earth. And, yes, I want to be able to look in the mirror and see someone I actually like. Thank you for your candor, son.”
“There’s your answer then. You can divorce Beverly, resign your position at the firm, and sail off into the sunset.”
“I’m just getting to know my sons and I don’t want to just disappear now. I want it all.” It was the first time I heard excitement in my dad’s voice for anything other than landing a large client at his firm.
“Then have it all. You can build a relationship with us at the same time you discover who you really are. It doesn’t have to be mutually exclusive. I’m not saying you sail off and never return.” The thought of him leaving bothered me more than I would have thought. I looked for Xavier because the sight of him always brought me comfort. I found him talking and smiling with Chase and Gray by the bar. I felt my heart swell with love at seeing my lover looking so whole and happy. I turned my attention back to my dad and said, “That beautiful man over there is going to be your son in-law someday and you won’t want to miss it.”
“You’re absolutely right; I wouldn’t want to miss your wedding.” He cleared his throat and then said, “You’re wise beyond your years, Ben. Thank you for giving me another chance. I’m going to work hard as hell not to blow it, and if nothing else, I am a damn hard worker.” He was that. “Here,” he slid my present across the table, “I hope you like it.” I slowly unwrapped the gift and what I found inside made me tear up. “It was the only thing you wanted for Christmas when you were ten and I always regretted not getting it for you.”
I ran my hand over the Jumanji board game. Bevan had taken me to see the movie for my tenth birthday and I loved it so much. The only thing I wanted for Christmas that year was the board game that I held in my hands. The St. Claire boys weren’t given frivolous toys as gifts. All of our rarely permitted toys were based on learning and development, not fun.
I looked up at my dad, but could hardly see through the tears in my eyes. The fact that he remembered how bad I wanted this game was more important than receiving it as a gift. “It’s perfect and I love it.” A lone tear escaped my eye and slid down my face. I wiped it away quickly. “Thank you.”
“You’re very welcome.” My dad’s voice was also choked with emotion.
I felt Xavier’s presence before he even spoke. “Oh wow! I haven’t played that game in years.”
“Let’s play it now,” my dad suggested.
“Really?” I looked around at the party guests and felt torn. I wanted to play the game, but I didn’t want to ignore my guests.
“Definitely.” My dad nodded in affirmation.
Bevan came over as we began to unpack all the pieces for the game. “Can I get in on the action too?”
“Hell yeah.” We bumped fists.
I lost track of how long we played the game and I ashamedly forgot about my party and the people who came to celebrate with me. We laughed and teased each other mercilessly and I learned that my dad had a wicked sense of humor. Xavier reached for my hand beneath the table, wanting to feel our connection but unsure of how he should behave in front of my dad. I loved Xavier with everything I had and I wasn’t hiding it from anyone. If dad wanted a relationship with me, then seeing me show my love for Xavier was part of it. I pulled Xavier to me for a short, but sweet kiss, showing him how he made me feel.
We eventually put the game up after dad beat us twice. Xavier had ordered my favorite cake, red velvet, and wanted to serve it. He gave me a quick kiss and said he had another surprise for me before he left me to deal with the cake. I was certain that whatever he had planned couldn’t top what he’d already given me, but I was wrong.
Xavier took his trusted guitar, Bess, and climbed the stage. The lights of the bar dimmed and my beautiful man stood in front of the microphone with a spotlight shining down on him. Oh hell, I just knew he was going to sing me a song and make me cry. His eyes met mine and held while he sang Richard Marx’s “Now and Forever” and, yes, I cried.
