“You don’t care about the bedding? What if he picks out something with fluffy kitties on it?” Bevan laughed at his own joke.
“Nah, I already have that bed set. He wouldn’t waste money on buying something we already have. Besides, I don’t give a fuck what is printed on the sheets as long as he is lying between them with me, or beneath me, or on top of me.”
“Yeah, I get it,” Van said, cutting me off with an exaggerated rolling of the eyes. “You’re getting laid nightly, I know. It’s meaningful and beautiful and you pity poor saps like myself who haven’t discovered their soulmate yet. Save me the sermon, preacher.”
“I didn’t say it, you did. I think you’re protesting just a little bit too much to be credible.” The truth was, I saw the wistfulness in his eyes when he thought I wasn’t looking. I’d catch him studying Xavier and I with a curious look in his eyes.
“You don’t have to say it, Ben. It’s a way you have of looking at me.” Van pointed to me. “That’s the look right there! You smug little prick.” I threw back my head and laughed at my brother’s antics. The scowl he aimed my way only made me laugh harder. “Seriously, I’m very happy for you, Ben. I’m also proud that you didn’t let Beverly and Daniel scar you for life ...”
“ ...but?” I knew it was coming so I helped him out just a little.
Van grinned at the way I read his mind. “Aren’t you afraid you’re moving just a little too fast? I mean, you’ve only known each other for a few months and you’re getting ready to play house with him. Why not wait a few more months, or a year, before you move in together.”
“First, I’m notplayingat anything, Van. I. Love. Him. I need him just like I need food, air, and water.” I closed my eyes briefly and laughed. “I used to think Gray was an idiot for the way he went gaga over Chase, but damn do I get it now.”
My eyes lost focus as I thought about the way Xavier sought me out in the middle of the night to cuddle or how he looked sleeping on the pillow beside mine each morning. I loved the way we worked together in the kitchen, moving like a synchronized unit as we prepared meals. He knew just what to say or do to bring me peace after a long day or a road trip. No matter what life threw at me, I got to go home to him and it made everything better. I hope I brought him the same happiness.
The sex between us was incredible, because it wasn’t just sex; making love couldn’t even describe what happened when our bodies connected. It was like we were bonded down to the molecular level and even then I couldn’t get close enough.
“Van, I’ve slept beside him almost every night for the last month except when I traveled for work. We’ve shared meals, done laundry together, fought over which TV shows to watch, and every morning I wake up thankful I get to do it all over again. I’ve done the bachelor route for a very long time and it doesn’t come close to the feeling I get from just sitting beside him on the couch and holding his hand. So no, I don’t think we’re rushing anything.”
“Fair enough.” Van conceded with grace and a good-natured grin. “Have you talked to dad since he showed up at your house last month?”
“No.”
“I still can’t believe he showed up at your house and asked for your forgiveness.” Van shook his head just like I’ve done every night since I turned and found Daniel in my kitchen.
“Bennett, your mother told me about her visit to your office today.” His voice cracked and he cleared his throat. “Son, I never realized that you had overheard the horrible things I had said years ago. I know that I’ve been a bastard of a father to you boys, but I never, ever wished that you hadn’t been born. Lord knows we’ve had our many arguments over the years, but I hate that you think I never wanted you. I hated that I followed the path that my father set for me, I resented your mother for my own unhappiness, but I never really wished you or Bevan away.
“I’m very proud that you forged your own path, even though I led you to believe otherwise. I honestly didn’t feel that way until recently. You’ve grown stronger and more confident these last several years and I’ve been envious that you were man enough to do something I never could. I hope that someday you can forgive me and perhaps we can forge a new relationship.”
It was everything I had ever hoped to hear from my father, but it felt like it was a bit too little too late for me. He asked me if I would give it some thought and if he could call sometime. I had agreed. So far, I hadn’t heard a peep from him and quite frankly it stung a little. I thought he had been sincere and I foolishly got my hopes up. Again.
“Well, I’m not sure why he showed up like he did, asked for forgiveness and permission to call, but then hasn’t called. Xavier thinks I should reach out to him since he took the first step, but fuck if I do that. I need for him to be the one to make the move.”
“The road runs both ways, bud. He made a really grand gesture and he’s probably afraid of rejection. I would be if I were in his shoes.” Van was always the voice of reason, which I sometimes hated and loved. The only time Van couldn’t be objective was when it came to love and relationships, but I figured someday he’d find the one who made him reconsider everything.
“I know, Van, and I will give it some thought.” He nodded his head as if mollified. I watched as he began to fidget a bit and shove his food around his plate rather than eat it. “Your turn to spill it.”
“God, this is awkward.” Van ran his hands through his hair and I stared at him. I’d never seen him look so uncertain. “I’m just going to say it; no beating around the bush.” He looked at me with uncertainty in his eyes. I couldn’t imagine what he was about to say. “I’m thinking about asking Ellie on a date.” Well, I certainly hadn’t expected that.
“Ellie, as in Xavier’s sister?” I think both of my eyebrows disappeared into my hairline.
“Yes, Xavier’s sister. Do you think he’d be upset if I ask her out?” Van sounded uncertain and nervous, which I had never heard before.
I tried to think about how Xavier would feel, but all I could think about was that Bevan wanted to go on adate. A real date. Had that even happened since college for him? “Why do you want to ask Ellie out? You know she’s due to have a baby in December and that her life is really complicated now. I don’t want to see her get hurt.” I was pretty sure that was what Xavier would say.
Van began bouncing his legs beneath the table. “Of course, I know all about her situation. I remember that disastrous make out slash stakeout that you and lover boy tried to conduct like a bunch of amateurs.” Van grinned at the memory, but I bet he was grinning over something completely different than I was. “Anyway, I’ve been helping El draw up legal papers to protect her and her unborn baby. It seems that Drake is perfectly happy signing off his parental rights as soon as she provides a DNA test that he’s the father. No child support and no obligations.”
“What a dick.”
“You have no idea how bad I want to smash that guy’s face in, Ben. He’s a fucking sleaze and I can’t believe someone as beautiful, smart, and kind as Ellie Cruz fell for his shit.”
“What about making sure she doesn’t get hurt? How are you planning to approach this? A dinner between friends or what?”
“Yes, probably. I just want to keep it light and see what happens.”
“I hate to keep pointing out the obvious here, Bevan, but she’s pregnant. I know you’re just talking dinner here but you’re a guy and she’s an attractive woman. Are you willing to take this to the physical level?”
