I knew that Ben let me set the pace, out of respect for the hell that I’d gone through, and I appreciated it more than I could express, but I missed that calm command that he sometimes exhibited. It wasn’t anything like the possessive, controlling demeanor of Damien. Ben was able to pull me out of my head when I got lost in there, unable to move forward out of fear.
I pulled out my cellphone and sent Ben a quick text.I’m looking forward to seeing you at the wedding. Save me a dance?There, I made my move and it felt really fucking good. I smiled to myself as I entered Bevan’s downtown office. I looked around at the modern reception area in surprise, because it wasn’t at all what I expected.
“We get that look a lot,” the receptionist said with a smile. “Were you expecting something a lot more Bogart?”
I smiled sheepishly at being read so easily. “Busted.”
“Are you Mr. Cruz?” She asked politely. No one had ever referred to me as Mr. Cruz. It reminded me of my father and I didn’t like it one bit.
“Xavier,” I corrected. “I have an appointment at noon.”
“Mr. St. Claire will be with you shortly. He’s just wrapping up a phone call. Can I get you anything to drink? Coffee? Water?”
“I’m fine, but thank you.”
I sat in a chair and perused the magazines on the coffee table, the chair was worn but comfortable, as was the decor. It was a contrast to the Bevan I remembered from before, or was I using my defensiveness as a guard to keep from seeing the real Bevan; just as he probably did to me as well. I had just snatched up the latest copy of Rolling Stone Magazine and flipped it open to read when my phone buzzed in my pocket with an incoming text. My heart kicked up a notch in hopes that it was a favorable reply from Ben. I blew out a nervous breath and pulled the phone out of my pocket.
Warning: I have two left feet! P.S. I miss you too.
“Xavier.” I jerked my head up and found Bevan watching me intently. “I suppose that goofy grin on your face means that you’re texting my brother.”
“Uh, yeah,” I stuttered as I rose to my feet.
“He has that effect on people,” Bevan said with a smirk. “Come on into my office.” I followed behind him and took a seat in front of his desk while he shut the door to give us privacy. “Did you still want to hire me to find your friend?” Bevan didn’t put an emphasis on the word friend with his voice, but his body language did as he sat behind his desk. He was Ben’s brother and a very important part of his life and I needed to put myself out there if I was ever going to earn his trust.
“I’m actually here for two purposes and, yes, one of them is to hire you to find my friend, Deacon.” I reached into my messenger bag and pulled out the contract I received from the production company and a sheet of paper with every detail I knew about Deacon, which sadly wasn’t much. “Here’s what I know about Deacon; it’s not much but I hope it’s enough to find him.” I slid the sheet of paper across his desk and waited for Bevan to pick it up. “Deacon helped me through a horrible time about fifteen months ago and I haven’t heard much from him since. I did get a random call from him at Christmastime, but nothing since then.”
“Why would he sever ties with you if he’s such a concerned friend?” Bevan asked after he set the sheet down on his desk.
“I foolishly went back to the environment he helped save me from and I think he, understandably, gave up on me.”
Bevan leaned forward and set his elbows on his desk, pinning me to my seat with a very intense stare. “I don’t find it the least bit understandable, Xavier. I would be a hell of a lot more vigilant if I thought my friend was in danger.”
“Maybe he thought I wasn’t worth the trouble. I’m sure a lot of people would feel that way.” I said with a shrug.
“Well, that isn’t how I operate and I guarantee that Bennett would agree with me.” Bevan’s brows lowered in frustration over my words. I decided to tell him what happened so he could see that Deacon wasn’t a bad guy.
I gave him the Cliff Notes version of my addiction and abuse rather than all the gory details. A few weeks ago, I would’ve wanted him to use this information against me to encourage Ben to turn away from me. Now, I hoped he could see past my mistakes and be able to accept me, flaws and all. It scared me how much I wanted his acceptance and I refused to analyze the reasons why at that particular moment.
“Well, you’ve certainly been through a lot,” he said once I was finished. “I assume you’ve told Ben all of this,” at my nod he continued, “and he still wants to be a part of your life, because that’s whatfriendsdo. A true friend does not bail on you at the first sign of trouble and they don’t give up when you relapse into an unhealthy situation.” Bevan blew out a frustrated breath. “I’ll help you look for Deacon, because it’s important to you and you’re important to my brother.” Bevan saw the look of disbelief on my face and said, “Youareimportant to him, Xavier. Do not hurt my brother.” Bevan’s no-nonsense tone made me shiver. “What’s the other thing?” Bevan nodded to the contract that was forgotten in my hand.
“Ben said you specialize in contractual law.” I handed it to him and waited while he read through it. “This is the opportunity I’ve waited for my entire adult life. I went to LA to makethathappen,” I said, gesturing to the contract. “The rock group was supposed to be a temporary gig until I was able to sell some of my original music scores. It took longer than I had hoped and I took a twisty road of destruction, but here it finally is, Bevan, and I don’t want to fuck it up.”
“Congratulations! This is pretty awesome.” Bevan punctuated the accolade with a hint of a smile, which I took as a major step in the right direction. “Tell me what your goals and concerns are and I’ll see how this contract measures up to both.”
“Thank you.” There was no hiding the relief I felt.
Bevan and I spent the better part of two hours going over the contract and making a few revisions where we felt necessary. He emailed the revised contract on my behalf and told me he would get back to me as soon as he heard back from the production company. He also promised to let me know what he discovered about Deacon. He walked me to the door, but placed a hand on my shoulder stopping me from leaving.
“You’ve done a really good job of turning your life around in a really short amount of time; I can see why Ben admires you so much.”Ben admires me?“Yes, he does,” Bevan answered my unspoken inquiry. “Don’t look back, Xavier, only forward.” I shook his hand and said my goodbyes to Bevan and his receptionist, but his words stuck with me long after I left.
Was I important to Ben? Was I truly someone Ben could admire?
The morning of Chase and Gray’s wedding dawned with crystal blue skies and hardly a cloud in sight; I hoped it was symbolic of their joyous union. My life was also starting to feel full of promise just like that clear, vibrant morning.
Bevan called me yesterday afternoon and told me the production company accepted the amendments and would be sending a new contract for me to sign. I decided to start looking for a place of my own as soon as I received my royalties. I had made quite a bit of money in the band and was able to set a substantial amount aside, but I didn’t want to dip into those funds except for an emergency. Thoughts of house hunting led to thoughts of Ben and I wondered if he would mind going with me to look at houses when he was free.
Ben. My heart kicked up even more at the thought of seeing him again at the wedding. We’d exchanged a few flirty texts, but we both tiptoed around the topic we really needed to discuss. Us. It was a conversation best had in person and not over the phone or texts. I pushed my thoughts of Ben aside so I could focus on the task at hand, which was putting on my rented tuxedo and prepare to meet the wedding party at the church. I refused to be late for Chase’s big day.
