I put Bess, my trusted Martin guitar, in my trunk and drove myself to the church. I saw Gray standing outside the church with his family, a captivating smile on his face. Could he be any more in love? I parked in the lot and said my hellos to the Wright clan and then went in search of the guy who was more brother to me than my own flesh and blood.
“Gray looks smoking hot in his tux,” I told Chase as I entered the room he’d chosen to get ready in. “Wow, you look pretty awesome too.” Chase spun around and modeled his gray tux for me. He radiated happiness from his toes to the top of his golden head. “You don’t look like a nervous groom.”
“That’s because I’mnota nervous groom,” Chase countered. “I’m so excited that you’re home and sharing this moment with me.” Chase’s eyes dimmed and a frown marred his happy face. “I’m really sorry that I’ve been so busy that I haven’t made time to hang out and talk. Xavier ...”
“No way, brother,” I interrupted him, “this is the happiest day of your life and we aren’t having any maudlin conversations.” I was starting to sound a lot like Gram. “I’m doing really well, Chase, so please don’t worry about me. We’ll have plenty of time to get caught up when you get back from your two-week honeymoon in the Caribbean.”
“You’ll still be here when I get back then?”
God, I had been such a selfish prick over my year-long hiatus and I absolutely hated the stress that I had put my family through. I reminded myself that there was nothing I could do to give them back that time we lost, but I could focus on making myself stronger and never repeating my mistakes. “I’m here to stay, Chase. I’m going to cat and house sit for you while you and Gray are off making the happiest of memories. When you get back, we’ll have a long overdue discussion.”
Chase appeared to be mollified for the moment, but he was a natural born worrier. I took my thumb and smoothed out the frown that still lingered on his brow. He had come a long way since he met and fell in love with Gray, but his abandonment and insecurity issues still ran deep. I regretted wholeheartedly that I contributed to his distress. He was the absolute best thing that had ever happened to me and I would never let him down again. Chase pulled me into a tight hug and I held on, so grateful to be alive and sharing this moment with him.
“There are my two beautiful boys.” Gram stood just inside the room looking beautiful in her soft pink dress and matching hat. “Oh damn, here come the water works.” She covered her mouth with her hand as happy tears slid down her face. She opened her mouth a few times to speak, but no words came out.
“Gram.” Chase said her name softly and pulled her into a group hug between us. “We don’t want red, puffy eyes for our wedding pictures,” he said, trying to make her laugh.
Gram stepped back, opened up her purse, and pulled out a silk square of fabric in various shades of blues and greens, reminiscent of the colors found in peacock feathers. “Gray had pocket squares made out of your mother’s favorite silk scarf for the tuxedos,” Gram said softly as she folded the fabric so that it would fit inside the pocket on his chest. “He wanted to do something special that would make you feel like she was a part of your special day. I remembered this scarf of hers that I just couldn’t part with and knew it would be the perfect thing.” Gram replaced the pocket square that came with the tuxedo with the one Gray had made. “That guy, he’s just so ...”
“ ...thoughtful,” Chase completed when Gram couldn’t finish. “I love him so much and this means so much to me,” he said, running his finger over the silky fabric.
Gram turned to me and swapped out my square too. “You look so much happier since the last time we talked, Xavier.” She stood on her tiptoes and kissed my cheek.
“I am happier, Gram. Much happier.”
“How’s Ben?” The woman never stopped meddling and I feared she would only get worse since Chase found his dream man.
“He’s been out of town on business these last few days, but he’ll be here for the ceremony and reception.” Bats - not butterflies - took flight in the pit of my stomach at the realization that I would not only be seeing Ben, but dancing with him too. I recognized that my answer did nothing to dissuade Gram, so I wasn’t surprised by the words that came out of her mouth next.
“So, are you dating or just screwing?” At least she had the decency to use a cleaner verb in church.
“Gram,” Chase admonished before I could answer. “Leave Xavier alone. You’ll scare him back to LA before Ben can make an honest man out of him.”
Gram looked at me with wide eyes, as if she was actually considering that she was the reason why I left for LA. That notion couldn’t be further from the truth and I needed to debunk it right then and there. “I did go to LA because of you, but not for the reasons that Chase jokingly implied. I was only able to leave because you taught me to be courageous and follow my dreams. If not for you, I wouldn’t be able to share my exciting news. I wasn’t going to tell you this today, because I wanted this day to be all about Chase.” They looked at me with hopeful smiles. “One of my original soundtracks was chosen for a new cable show that comes out in the fall. Ben’s brother, Bevan, helped me finalize the contract this week.” I took Gram’s hands in mine and directed my next words at her. “It wouldn’t have come true without your unwavering love and support.”
Gram gave a muffled little sob as she laid her head against my chest. “That is so exciting, Xavier. How long were you going to keep this amazing news to yourself?”
“I was going to wait until the newlyweds got back from their lovefest,” I answered honestly. Gram lightly cuffed me upside my head. “Ouch.”
“We’re your family and we want to know the minute something good happens to you so we can celebrate,” Gram admonished. “You know how I love to throw parties. We’ll have a big barbeque when the boys get back from their fuckfest,” Gram said, then covered her mouth when she realized where she was and why. “Sorry.”
There was a knock at the door and Gray’s brother, Preston, poked his head inside. “Pastor Simms asked me to find out if you’re ready?”
“I’ve never been more ready for anything,” Chase said.
“I’ll let her know. Xavier, you and I need to take our places at the front of the church.”
I gave Chase and Gram one last hug and then followed Preston down the hall until we reached a side door that would allow us to walk in front of the church and take up our places on both sides of Pastor Simms at the altar. I looked around the church and appreciated the subtle decorations and small crowd that had gathered. Chase and Gray decided to keep their special day intimate by only inviting close friends and relatives.
The hair on the back of my neck stood up and my skin suddenly felt too tight. I sensed an intense gaze aimed at me. I focused my eyes in that direction and found Ben’s eyes locked on me. The smile that lit up his face warmed me from the inside out. Ben shot me a wink and those bats started to circle in my stomach again. The connection between us suddenly felt different, more intense; as if something cosmically shifted, whether we wanted it to or not.
Soft music began to play, pulling my focus to the back of the church where we waited for Gray and Chase to appear. The doors opened and everyone rose to their feet as the two men crossed the threshold, their hands entwined as tightly as their hearts, and began walking down the aisle toward the altar.
I knew that I was still a work in progress and would be for the rest of my life; addictions didn’t just disappear, they were managed and controlled. I also believed that I had found a man in Ben who understood and related to my struggles. I felt myself getting stronger every day, and with that strength came belief that I did deserve happiness in my life. My eyes met Ben’s once more briefly before the ceremony began. I couldn’t be certain that Ben was the man I’d spend the rest of my life with, but I knew he was the man I wanted to take a chance on.
I KNEW THATsomething had changed between Xavier and I the minute our eyes connected in the church. To be honest, I knew something was different even when I was on the road. Xavier initiated contact with me through text on more than one occasion. I wasn’t ashamed to admit how happy it made me feel, especially after the uncertain way we parted at Bottoms Up after my softball game.
My breath caught in my throat when he and Preston stepped through the door and got into position at the altar. The first thing I noticed – beside how fucking amazing he looked in a tux – was that he got his haircut. Gone was the messy rocker look, but at least Xavier left his hair long enough for me to yank if he ever decided to use his pierced tongue on my cock.
