HE DIDN’T KNOW WHOI was. He didn’t remember me. Us.Tears poured down my face as I headed to the waiting room while they examined Noah. My Noah, who was finally awake after three days. My Noah, who nearly left me and finally returned to me, but with no memory of us.
I didn’t stop to gather myself before I entered the waiting room and I regretted it immediately when the occupants reacted to the sight of my tears with so much shock and sorrow on their faces. Fuck! Noah’s sweet mother stood suddenly and started to collapse until her husband caught her and held her tight.
“No, Jamie,” I said rushing to her. “He’s awake.” It took me a few moments to gather myself so I could explain the obvious devastation I wore on my face. I felt two small hands, one on each shoulder, and knew that Roxie and Betty Jean were beside me like they’d been with me since I got the call about the accident from the state police. “He… um, he doesn’t remember me.”
“Does he remember anything, son?” His father asked worriedly.
I had gotten to know Noah’s parents pretty well the last few months, mostly by phone since they traveled a lot. I hadn’t seen them in person since I was a teenager. I hated that our reunion occurred in a hospital, but I was so glad to have their unwavering support. If not for them, I wouldn’t have been able to spend any time with Noah when he was in the ICU since we weren’t married and I wasn’t a blood relative. Art McKinney set them straight the moment he arrived. Only then was I able to enter Noah’s room and see him for the first time. Twelve hours I sat in the hospital not knowing if he lived or died.
“I don’t know, Art. He woke up and…” my voice trailed off as I recalled Noah’s fingers lightly touching my hair. The pure joy I’d felt was shattered when there was no recognition in his eyes and he asked who I was. “I started talking about how I couldn’t wait to take him home. I saw the panic and fear in his eyes and he began to shake all over. Then he asked who I was.”
“Oh, Maverick.” Jamie wrapped her arms around me and hugged me close. “Maybe he was just disoriented or confused, honey. Let’s not think the worst.”
“Mother’s right,” Art said, although I could see how shaken he was by the news. It didn’t slip my notice that he referred to Jamie as mother, like he did when he talked to Noah. The fact that he so readily welcomed me into the family fold was a comfort during those scary minutes while we waited to hear from the doctor.
When Dr. Pastori arrived he wore a solemn expression. He gestured for the five of us to have a seat, which we did immediately. He scooted a chair over and sat down. “Noah is exhibiting signs of retrograde amnesia,” he said in a kind voice. “That means part of his memories prior to the accident are gone, but it is most likely temporary,” he rushed to say when he saw the fear on our faces. “In most cases, the memories will return as the brain heals from injury.” He offered me a kind smile before he continued. “He knows who he is and who his parents are. He was able to tell me the year and other current events. As best I can tell, Noah thinks it’s June and he was driving down to see the house in Beaufort after he got a call from the neighbor that it had been vandalized. It appears that he’s only forgotten the last few months.”
I know that Dr. Pastori thought that was great news, but for me it was terrible. He had lost all the memories of our reunion and falling in love with me all over again. The doctor focused his gaze on me, surely seeing the anguish that his words brought me.
“He recognized your name, Maverick, but he only remembers you from his childhood and not the present. He was confused about why you were in his room and the implication that you were in a relationship.” I nearly choked on the breath I sucked in so fast. “It scares him that he can’t remember the past few months, as it would anyone. It’s important to let his memory return to him naturally and not to try to force it, no matter how tempting it is.” He reached over and patted my hand. “Don’t lose your faith.”
I could only nod at his words, because my heart was shattered and my brain hurt from the anguish. Once Noah was downgraded from the ICU, I was able to stay with him as much as I wanted, which meant I never left unless it was to go to the bathroom or get cleaned up. Art, Jamie, Minnie, Betty Jean, and Roxie took turns staying with me, trying to get me to eat and take care of myself for when Noah woke up. My body ached from the abuse of sleeping in a chair for days, my heart hurt for Noah, and my brain was too fucking exhausted to function. Then Dr. Pastori said words that wiped away every ache and ounce of exhaustion I had been feeling.
“Noah wants to see you, Maverick.”
“Go on and see him, honey,” Jamie said. “Art and I will be back in a bit after we talk to the doctor some more.”
I was up and moving without a moment’s hesitation. I heard Jamie ask how much longer before we could take Noah home, but I didn’t stick around to hear the answer. Noah wanted to see me and that was all I needed to hear at the moment. I paused outside of his room to catch my breath and compose myself before I went in there like an emotional mess.
“Here, honey.” Josie, one of Noah’s nurses, came over and pulled out a package of tissues from the pocket in her scrubs. “It’s hard, I know, but you have to believe that all will be okay. He’s so very lucky to be alive and he’ll most likely recover all the memories he’s lost. He’s asking for you, honey, and that’s a good sign. It seems his heart knows what he wants, even if his brain doesn’t remember it.”
“God, I needed to hear that so bad.” The nurses and staff at the hospital had been so kind - even when they were legally required to keep Noah’s medical condition from me. There was never any malicious intent on their parts. “Thank you, Josie.”
“Go on in there and spend some time with him before his next dose of pain meds kicks in. You’ll only have a few minutes.” She patted me on the shoulder and walked away.
I dried my tears and knocked softly before I entered Noah’s room. His eyes looked so tired and scared when they met mine. God, it killed me to see him in any kind of pain. I blew out a shaky breath and vowed to keep my shit together until he at least fell asleep. I sat down in my usual chair next to his hip. His eyes searched my face and I could tell he was trying to force his memories to come.
“I waited two decades to have you back in my life and I can’t remember it.” His voice was soft and sleepy. “How’s that fair, Mav?”
“It will all come back to you in time, Noah. The doctor said you need to take it easy and let your brain heal. It’s important that you don’t try to force it.”
“I know,” he said dejectedly. “He said that it might come back in pieces, kind of like a jigsaw puzzle and it might confuse the fuck out of me until all the pieces are back in place.”
“The doctor said ‘fuck,’ Noah?” That earned me a small smile.
“No, but I could tell that he wanted to.” He reached up with a shaky hand and touched my hair. “Look at you. Those gorgeous blue eyes should’ve told me exactly who you were the moment I saw them. We’ll blame it on my brain damage.” He attempted a lecherous grin, but it looked more like a grimace. “I bet we had a lot of sex didn’t we, Mav? I used to crave your touch more than air when we were teenagers so I can’t imagine how horny I was for you as an adult.” His eyelids started to droop and I could tell it was the pain meds talking and not Noah.
“Nope, you’re saving yourself for marriage,” I told him. His eyes opened wide before he narrowed them in suspicion. I couldn’t hold back my smile any longer. It was probably mean to tease him in his condition, but the joy of having him back overrode my common sense at that moment.
“Liar.” His accusation was lost in the trembling smile on his lips. “I climbed you every chance I got, didn’t I?” He pouted up his lips pitifully and I found that Noah, high on pain meds, to be pretty damn adorable. “If you really loved me you’d give me a hand job. God, my dick aches. How fucking long have I been out? A year?”
As inappropriate as it was, my own dick reacted to his dirty mouth and sexy image of me slipping my hand beneath his gown and stroking him off. I briefly wondered if the hospital staff would be upset if I brought in his favorite silk rope and blindfold.
“Mmmm, don’t look at me like that unless you’re going to do something about it.” Noah’s moan brought me back to reality. As much as I wanted him, and I always would, I couldn’t let our first time together again be a quick hand job in his hospital room. He reached for my hand and brought it to his groin where I could feel the hardness of him through his gown and hospital blanket.Just like a man, barely survives a nearly fatal car crash and the first thing he thinks about is his dick.“I need you, Mav.” I was so weak, ready to cave in – my earlier noble thoughts nearly shattered by the pleading I heard in his voice
“Doc, we really shouldn’t. Your parents will be in here any minute.” Noah’s eyes got heavier and heavier, but he tried to urge my hand with his own to jack him. “Besides, I’d rather wait until your catheter is out. I know your nurses will thank me for my resistance.”
“And you say you love me.” The last words were barely above a whisper, his eyes shut, and his hand on mine went completely limp as the pain meds lulled him back under so he could heal.
I turned my hand over beneath his, wrapped my fingers around his hand, and brought it to my mouth for a kiss. “I do love you, Noah. You might not remember it today, but you will remember and I’ll never give you a reason to doubt it again.”
I sat there watching him sleep for several more minutes until I felt myself starting to get sleepy again. The emotional highs and lows of the past few days, especially that last hour, took their toll on me. I felt like I could rest easy, now that he was out of the woods for the most part. I kept his hand tucked in mine and leaned over to rest my forehead on his thigh. It was all the connection I needed at that moment to finally rest my weary body and mind.
“You returned to me, Noah.” I whispered the words seconds before exhaustion pulled me under.
