“People like you are doing something, Noah.” He looked at me in confusion. “You’ve said yourself that PTSD isn’t just a result of war; it can be caused by tragic accidents or traumatic events. Let me tell you, conversion therapy is a traumatic event in a young person’s life. I’m not saying that you should stop working with veterans; I’m just suggesting that you expand your practice. Maybe volunteer at a LGBT youth center, because the people who need you the most probably can’t afford it.”
“You’re a genius, Maverick.” I turned red over his praise. “Do you realize how strong you are, Mav?”
“Noah, it didn’t happen overnight. It was a slow healing and one could probably say I didn’t fully heal until you came back.” I brushed my thumbs along his jawbones. “I’ve been searching for you in my own way. After so much time passed, I figured you had moved on from what we had at sixteen years old. I still looked for you in every crowd.”
“Your trips to Charlotte?” He jabbed me playfully in the rib, but there was no censure in his voice.
“Yes.” It was the truth and I saw in his eyes the moment he realized it. “A man can pretend a lot of things with his eyes closed, Noah.” He didn’t recoil from me and I was grateful. That might’ve been a crude thing to say, but it was brutally honest. “Those men on my weekend trips were mere substitutes for what I really wanted.” I placed my hand over his heart. “You,” I told him in case I wasn’t clear enough.
“That’s the most offhanded compliment I’ve ever received,” he said with a crooked smile, “but, I’ll take it.”
I could feel the edge of exhaustion creeping in. It had been a long week, a long drive, and a very emotional conversation; the combination of all of it was wearing on me. “It’s your turn, Doc. Tell me your deep dark secret.” I lowered my voice with every word so that it came out sounding like Noah was going to reveal something sinister. I knew in my heart that there wasn’t one dark spot in the man’s soul.
“I like kinky sex.” His blurted response was nothing I expected to hear from him. I don’t know what I expected, but that wasn’t it. “I want to be tied up and give over all my control.” I was sure my eyebrows had reached my hairline by that time. The problem with this was? “I don’t want to be smacked around or anything like that. I just want sex to be a little edgier from time to time.” He looked down at his lap like he was afraid to see how I would react to his announcement.
“Could you be any more perfect?” Seriously? I had no problem tying up his hands and pounding the living hell out of him if that was what he needed. “Noah, if I wasn’t so damn exhausted I would go caveman on you right now. I’d toss you over my shoulder and play into every single fantasy you’ve ever had.” I leaned forward and dropped a kiss on his tender lips to seal my promise. “Just as I’d let you do the same to me.”
“You would?” He seemed shocked by my response, as if it was too good to be true.
“You’d never hurt me, Noah. You’d never take anything I wasn’t willing to give. I. Trust. You.”
We came together in a sweet kiss that comforted and reassured one another. Noah stood up and led me to his bedroom. We undressed each other and climbed beneath the covers, facing each other. We reached for each other at the same time and met in the middle. I had planned intense sex during my entire drive, but I didn’t consider how drained I would feel after the long trip and the discussion we had.
The moment seemed to call for a closer emotional connection, rather than a sexual one. Noah slid his leg between mine and tucked his head beneath my chin, fitting himself as tightly as he could against me. I could feel his breath on my skin and his heart beating against my chest. It was exactly what I needed to melt the tension from my body. Noah’s body hadn’t fully relaxed and I understood why.
I cupped the back of his head and ran my fingers through his short hair. “I’ll still be here,” I promised him. He melted against me and it wasn’t long before we both fell asleep.
