“YOU’RE SURE LOOKING AWFULLYcheerful lately.” I had stopped at the house to take the trash down to the curb for the ladies – not because they weren’t capable, but because it was the polite thing to do for the two women who had become my family. Roxie was waiting to pounce the minute I opened the back door. “Haven’t slept in your own bed very much lately.”
I had spent almost every night for a week curled around Noah, holding him tightly to my chest. We stayed up late on those nights learning everything there was to know about one another, the only exception was the reason I had disappeared. I wasn’t ready to have that discussion yet. Every day brought us closer together and brought me closer to potential heartache if he decided the long distance thing wasn’t what he wanted. He was heading back to D.C. the next morning and I was missing him already.
“No ma’am, I haven’t.” I could tell by her expression that she was dying for details, but she was holding back for some reason, which wasn’t like her at all. Roxie held nothing back, therefore, she must have realized how important Noah was in my life and didn’t push. I gave her a huge grin and earned one in return.
“That smile looks good on you, kiddo. I’m really happy to see it. Whoa,” she leaned closer and pulled the neck of my t-shirt down a bit, “is that a love bite?” I yanked my t-shirt up self-consciously and could feel my face and neck flush with embarrassment. “Don’t worry, I only saw it when you bent over to pick up the trash can from beneath the sink. It’s doubtful anyone on your crew will see it.”
Did I care? I thought back to the possessive way Noah latched onto the sensitive skin on my collarbone and marked me as his. No, I didn’t care who saw it. Hadn’t I seen a passion mark on one or two of my guys before, so what made a difference if I wore Noah’s mark?
“I don’t care if they do see it,” I confessed with a careless shrug.
“I thought your weekend trips to Charlotte were because you weren’t out,” Roxie confessed, looking a little embarrassed.
“My weekend trips to Charlotte were more because there wasn’t a guy around here that I was interested in and I wasn’t looking for a relationship anyway. My trips were more about scratching an itch rather than finding a soulmate. A local guy would be someone I’d run into and it could get awkward if he wanted more than just random sex.”
“But Noah’s different.” Roxie’s comment wasn’t a question, but I nodded anyway. I could tell she wanted to say more, probe more, but she didn’t. I heard the rumble of the trash truck as it turned on her street and needed to get the cans down to the curb, so she couldn’t dig deeper if she wanted to.
I climbed into my truck and headed over to Noah’s house to begin my work day. Things were coming along nicely and my crew would be wrapping up everything that we could get done until the walnut flooring arrived. Noah hadn’t really told me about his plans to return or when he would. I decided that we would need to have a serious conversation that evening to make sure we were on the same page. I didn’t expect a declaration of devotion and undying love out of him, just a general idea of where he saw things going with us. Damn! I should’ve made sure I was more than a summer fling to ease his boredom before I let him back in my life.
I saw Derrick pulling tools and equipment out of the back of his truck when I pulled up to Elijah’s Landing. Things had been a little tense between Derrick and me ever since he returned from vacation and saw me having breakfast with Noah. It was obvious as hell to everyone that I hadn’t just arrived. I wasn’t dressed for work, I didn’t drive my work truck, and my bare feet beneath the kitchen table spoke volumes.
I had been completely honest with Noah that I wasn’t the type to make a big “coming out” speech. I didn’t begrudge anyone else their moment, but felt badly that they felt it was needed. I hoped that someday it would never be necessary, but I had my doubts. There would always be parents who wouldn’t accept that their children are gay. This, I knew from personal experience.
I walked away from my family as soon as I legally could and never looked back. At that moment, I promised to never be anything other than who I was – no pretense, no games. Some would think my method led to misconceptions, but that wasn’t on me. It was unreasonable to assume that every man or woman is straight unless otherwise announced differently.
I tried to ignore the hurt and confusion I had seen in Derrick’s eyes that morning. I wasn’t even sure where his feelings were coming from. Was he hurt and confused that I was gay or was it because I was with Noah? He never gave off a vibe that he was interested in me as anything other than his boss. He never flirted with me or made any kind of romantic gestures.
Whatever the reason behind his feelings, I needed to face them head on. He was still showing up on time and doing a fantastic job, but I noticed he wasn’t talking or engaging with the other crew members as much as he used to. Maybe it was arrogance on my part to think that I had something to do with his discontent, but I was pretty sure I was right. There was only one way to find out and I decided to take the bull by the horns since I had him alone.
“Morning, Derrick.”
“Mornin’.” His voice was flat and he didn’t make eye contact with me.
“Can I have a minute?” I asked when he immediately started to head into the house. He stopped and turned slowly to face me. He looked surprised and wary, but he nodded his head and stayed put. “This may be awkward to talk about, but I think it’s needed.” I searched for the right thing to say, but ended up just being blunt and honest. “Do you have a problem with the fact that I’m gay?”
“No,” he said softly, looking down at his feet.
“Derrick, please look at me.” I waited for him to look up and then I continued. “Are you sure, because you’ve been acting distant since you found out.”
“That’s not the reason.” His face turned pink and he looked away for several long seconds before he faced me again. “I’ve known that you were gay for a while now.”
He did?“You have? How?”
He cleared his throat, but maintained eye contact. “I saw you in Charlotte once. I’ve had a thing for you for a long time, but didn’t think I stood a chance. I thought you were straight and your weekend trips were for hooking up with women. Then I saw you in Charlotte a few times in one weekend and quickly realized I was wrong, but still right.”
“Huh?” I didn’t follow.
“Well, it was obvious that you were gay or at least bi, but then I saw the guys you were hooking up with and realized that I wasn’t your type.” He pointed to his hair and grinned crookedly. “You like blonds. I seriously thought about dying my hair blond or getting highlights to see if you noticed.” His face turned redder than a tomato after his confession. “Pretty stupid, huh?”
“It’s kind of sweet, really.” I replied, hoping to ease his embarrassment. “You would’ve been off limits to me anyway, because you’re my employee.”
“I could quit.” He laughed when I didn’t have a quick reply. “Just kidding,” he said. “Besides, I’m pretty sure I’m too late.” He pointed his thumb to the house behind him. “I’ll get over it, boss. Just let me mope and pout about what could’ve been for a few more days.” I appreciated the good-natured way he handled the situation and his sweet attempt at a joke.
I shook my head, but couldn’t keep the smile off my face. “Alright, a few more days, but then I expect you back to being your same wiseass self.”
“You got it.” He turned and headed back inside while I just stood outside processing the conversation.
I headed straight out back where I found Noah frowning over his laptop on his porch. His head jerked up when he heard my boots on the stairs and then a beautiful smile spread across his face. He acted like he hadn’t seen me in years instead of an hour ago. How was I going to get through each day without seeing that smile?
