“You won’t lose, and you won’t let us down. I know it in my heart. You need to do this to prove it to yourself more than you need to demonstrate it to me or them.”
I pulled Miller tighter against me and kissed his forehead. “Okay.” I felt his relieved breath against my neck. “Thank you for having faith in me.”
“Perfect fit,” he said, repeating the words I had said to him the night before the funerals. I dropped a sweet kiss on his lips to show him how much his words meant to me. They tasted so sweet I couldn’t resist another little taste, then another. Miller didn’t hesitate to show appropriate affection in front of the kids. Their parents had kissed and hugged all the time, and he felt it would seem unnatural to them if we didn’t do the same. I heard Lucas’s and Lily’s childish giggles and turned to see what had made them so happy. They were both looking at us and smiling with so much innocence that their laughter became contagious. “It seems our puzzle turned out to be bigger and to have more pieces than what we’d first thought.”
“Uncle Miller and Uncle Jag, sitting in a tree. K-i-s-s-i-n-g.” Lucas sang the same song we’d heard him sing to his parents on several occasions. Miller was right. The kids accepted our love just as they’d accepted their parents’ love. They had no concept of bigotry or hate, and I wanted to shield them from it as long as we could.
“I’m thinking it’s a pizza and a movie kind of night,” Miller said. “It’s Lily’s turn to pick the movie.” Lucas groaned because he knew what she was going to choose. It was the same movie each time.
She jumped out of her chair and did a little ballerina twirl followed by a graceless leap. “Frozen!” I could’ve recited every word by then. “I’ll need my Elsa dress,” she said before she scampered off to her room to put it on.
“Not again,” Lucas said, laying his head on the table. “We’ve seen that movie at least four billion times.” Lucas often sounded like a junior adult, and it always made me smile.
“We have to take turns, champ,” I reminded him. “I’m sure Lily isn’t thrilled aboutIndiana Jones and the Temple of Doomeither.”
Miller gasped and clutched his chest as if he couldn’t comprehend why anyone didn’t like theIndiana Jonesmovies. I didn’t care how many times we watched them because I always reaped the benefits once the kids went to bed. Occasionally, Miller asked me to put on my Indiana Jones costume.
“I guess,” Lucas said, giving in. “At least you guys don’t make me dress like Olaf.”
Thirty minutes later, the four of us sat on the couch with Miller and me acting as bookends. We had paper plates of pizza in our laps, glasses of milk on the table, and begging pets at our feet. I looked at the little munchkins beside me as they went to town on their pizza and then over at Miller who was smiling at the scene playing in the movie. Never in my wildest dreams had I pictured this as a typical Friday night. I never could have conjured up this level of love because it was something I hadn’t known existed until I’d met Miller.
Miller’s eyes met mine in the semidarkness of the room. I knew he was worried about the custody hearing and still deeply sad over losing Darryl and Destiny, so it did my heart good to see genuine happiness in his eyes. He was pushing all the things he had no control of aside to live in the moment and focus on the positives in his life, which included greasy pizza and kid-friendly movies with the people he loved the most in the world. I hoped the smile I gave him showed him how proud I was of him and how happy I was to be with him in that moment. If not, I would tell him later. Life was a fragile gift. and I wasn’t willing to leave anything to chance.
Miller
Neither my heart nor my mind was ready to return to work, but everyone told me it was best for all of us to get back to our normal routines—well, our new normal routines. I was worried about being away from Lucas and Lily all day. I was worried about the future custody battle with the Candlesses. I was worried everything would end up being too much for Jag to handle, even though he’d said he wanted to be there, and his actions backed up his words. Still…I worried about everything.
My colleagues were very welcoming when I returned, which made it easier. Gavin was there to greet me with a friendly hug and then I noticed the huge bouquet of flowers sitting in the middle of my desk. I didn’t need to read the card to know who they were from, but I did anyway.
I smiled as I put the card in my drawer where I kept all the others he had sent me. I loved how Jag still considered Gavin competition and referred to him as “the kid.” There was absolutely no challenge for my heart where Jag was concerned. I’d handed it over to him a while ago, and I didn’t want it back. In fact, our lives had become so entwined I could hardly recall what mine had been like before he’d come into it. I couldn’t imagine a future that didn’t include Jag, and just the thought was enough to cause a stabbing pain in my heart.
I pulled my cellphone out of my briefcase and sent him a quick text.Thank you for the flowers. I can’t wait to see you at lunch.
I was just about to set my phone down on my desk when it started ringing. I saw it was Vanessa calling, and my heart rate accelerated, which caused my anxiety over losing the kids to kick up several notches.
“Hi, Vanessa.” My voice sounded hesitant and wary.
“Hello, Miller.” Vanessa’s voice was soft and reassuring, the same one she’d use on a patient someday. “Do you have a few minutes to talk, or should I call you back later?”
I really needed to focus on the lectures I would give that day, which wouldn’t happen unless I found out why she was calling. My mind would turn over every possible situation again and again until I made myself sick. I had never been like this before, but then again, I had never faced so much grief and turmoil at once.
“I have time for you, Nessy,” I said, using the nickname Destiny had used for her sister. I heard my office door shut quietly, and I looked up to find Gavin had left to give me some privacy.
“Never stop calling me that, okay?” Grief slipped through Vanessa’s composure, and I heard her sniffle a few times before she spoke again. “I’ve tried and tried to talk sense into my mom and dad, but nothing I’ve said has sunk in. I’ll give a deposition or testify on your behalf. Whatever it takes, Miller.”
“I don’t want to cause a bigger rift in your family. I’ll try my best to find another way, but if it comes down to it…”
“I won’t hesitate. I appreciate your concern for my relationship with my folks, but our family isn’t like yours. We don’t have Hallmark moments in our home. My niece and nephew need to grow up with the Brexlers. Destiny loved you all so much”—her voice broke—“and I just can’t fathom a judge not honoring her final wishes.”
I heard Jag’s reassuring words in my mind and repeated them to Vanessa. “They don’t have grounds to overrule their wills. They’d have to show I’m unfit, and there’s no way they can prove it. This will all turn out okay.”It had to, or I didn’t know what I would do.
“I know you’re right, Miller. I just want it to all be over with for you. I know it must be stressful to take all this on while trying to get back to work and help Lucas and Lily cope with their grief. How are my beautiful niece and nephew doing?”
“We’re doing good, Nessy. They’re adjusting to their new life with just a few hiccups here and there. Lily doesn’t want to part with her Susie doll. Ever. It was hard convincing her to go to preschool this morning without it. Lucas is very cautious at times like he keeps waiting for something bad to happen. Jag and I got a few books to read, and I’ve met with a child psychologist on how to handle these types of situations. It’s not easy when we’re trying to get out the door on time, but I’ve realized nothing is more important than their feelings. It’s a juggling act. It’s trying to be patient and understanding without encouraging their fears. It’s harder than one might think, but Jag and I have handled it well.”
“You’ve just confirmed what I knew all along. The kids belong with you.”
“And Jag,” I amended.
