“And Jag.” I heard the smile in her voice. “I like him, Miller. He’s fierce and protective but also loving and nurturing. That’s a beautiful combination in a man. If you find a straight guy with those qualities, can you send him my way?”
“Absolutely.” We shared a brief laugh before it was time to wrap up the call. “Nessy, do you want to help me decide what to do with Darryl and Destiny’s possessions? I’ve decided to put their house on the market, and the money left over after the mortgage is paid off can go into college funds for the kids. I’m just not sure what to do with the clothes and furniture. There might be things of Destiny’s you or your parents want to keep.”
“I’m free this weekend if you want me to make the trip. I’d love to help you out and spend time with the kids. Maybe give you and Jag a night off for a date night.”
“That sounds awesome. Call me later this week and let me know what time works best for you. Jag and I need to go car shopping, and we wanted to take the kids so they could help us pick one out.”
“I’ll call you in a few days. Give the kiddos a kiss from me.”
“Will do.”
I felt lighter after receiving the flowers from Jag and talking to Vanessa. I wasn’t alone, and I needed to stop feeling as if I was. I had a huge support system of family and friends who would step up and help me no matter the time of day. I just needed to have some faith—in myself and others. I took a few more minutes to pull myself together, then I headed off to my first class.
Jag showed up promptly at noon with a sack full of delicious Italian takeout from my favorite restaurant. I took the food from him and set it on my desk before I kissed him like I hadn’t seen him in a month. Jag pushed me against the edge of my desk, placed his hands on both sides of my head, and kissed me back with just as much fervor. I knew I would never tire of feeling his lips against mine or tasting him on my tongue.
“That is some kind of welcome,” Jag said breathlessly after our kiss ended.
“I just wanted to show my appreciation for your thoughtfulness.”
“Do I get extra credit points if I brought cheesecake for dessert, Professor Brexler?” The pouty pleading look he sent my way had me laughing.
“Did you bring cheesecake?”
“No, but I will next time for the proper incentive.”
I leaned in closer and pressed my lips to his ear. “You don’t need to entice me to get on my knees for you, Jag.” I felt his body stiffen against mine. “I love the feel of your cock in my mouth and the way you taste when you’re really turned on.”
“Bones.” His hands gripped my shirt where they had been resting above my ass. “I didn’t know it was possible to need anyone the way I need you. I’m not talking about sex either.”
“I need you too, Jag.” I pressed small kisses to his full lips. “My need gets stronger every day.” Funny how I would’ve made fun of someone for saying those types of things just a short time ago. Telling and showing someone how they made you feel didn’t make you weak or less manly; it made you smart. Jag and I still joked about turning into sappy suckers, but we both appreciated the romantic gestures we gave to one another. Jag’s smiling eyes didn’t lie.
We stayed in our embrace for several long moments before we broke apart to eat the food he’d brought. I told him about the discussion I had with Vanessa and passed along the compliments she’d paid him. He blushed a little and tried to play it off like what he did was no big deal. He was complete shit at accepting praise or compliments because he hadn’t received many in his life. I couldn’t go back and change his terrible past, but I had his present and future, and I would work on making him see what others saw in him.
“Were you serious about coming with me to help pick out a new ride this weekend?” He nodded because he had a mouth full of pasta. I found it amazing how seamlessly we’d melded our lives together. There was no hesitation about including him in decisions regarding my future because I couldn’t see a future without him. We needed to have a conversation at some point because he was paying for a home he didn’t use, and my house wasn’t quite big enough for all of us to be comfortable. The more I thought about it, the more I didn’t want to put the conversation off.
“Jag, I think it’s time we started looking for a larger place too.” I didn’t pause to let him respond. “Lucas and Lily will need their own rooms, you and I could use a home office, and I’d love a big backyard so they could have one of those giant wooden swing sets with a fort and a slide.” He sat blinking at me, so I continued. “It makes no sense for us to have two mortgages. I love the safety of your gated community, so I thought we might look for bigger houses for sale in your neighborhood.” Jag still hadn’t said anything or moved anything but his eyelids. I thought for a second that I had pushed too hard or expected too much, but his slow smile assured me that I hadn’t.
“Funny you should mention that,” Jag said, pulling his phone from his pocket. “I think I found the perfect place.” He clicked a few things on his phone, then handed it to me. “It’s not in my neighborhood, but it’s still a gated community.” I flipped through the photos of the house on his phone and felt an immediate connection. “There’s a third-floor bonus space that would make an awesome media room so we can have movie and popcorn nights with the kids. There’s more than enough bedrooms to have a guest room, an office, or even space for someone else someday.”
His voice broke slightly during the last few words, and I jerked my head up to look at him. Jag licked his lips nervously as his eyes met mine. I thought I couldn’t possibly love him any more than in that moment. He helped paint a bright and hopeful picture of a future we could have together, and I wanted to grab it with both hands and not let go.
“It’s perfect. Let’s make an appointment to view it.” Jag’s nervousness faded at my words. I looked through the photos again. “There are plenty of extra bedrooms for future someones.”
“Yep.”
People would think we were nuts for thinking along those lines soon after Lily and Lucas had come into our lives. I said screw them because only we knew what fit for us.
JJ
The next Saturday found the four of us at a Range Rover dealership. Miller showed no hesitation over trading in his sleek BMW for a family-sized SUV. We made a big deal out of it by taking the kids to a pancake breakfast before we went to pick out the car. I couldn’t help but smile when Miller pulled baby wipes out of the glove compartment in his car. I raised my eyebrow at him in question, wondering just how long they had been in there and what uses he had for them. Of course, he read my mind.
“I just bought them yesterday for this exact reason. We don’t need sticky kid fingers fondling shiny new cars. It’s frowned upon.”
I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his ear so only he would hear my words. “I love when your sticky fingers fondle me.” I pressed a quick kiss to his cheek as innocent giggling came from the backseat. Then the little heart snatchers made kissy noises at us. I turned so I could look at them. They both wore mischievous smiles, and it melted me right on the spot because it had been the roughest week yet.
Lily had had a few nightmares, and Lucas had acted out at school. Miller and I used every tool we had learned from Lauren and the books we had read about helping children cope with grief. We were patient yet firm in both situations. We both comforted Lily and let her cry her little heart out over missing her mom and dad, but we insisted that she stay in her own bed. Sleeping with us was not a habit Miller nor I wanted to start, and Lauren cautioned it was an easy habit to slip into when it was the middle of the night and you were dealing with a distraught child. She cautioned that everyone needed boundaries, even in grief. With Lucas, we talked to him together about the behavior that was expected of him at school. We took away his tablet for a day as a punishment and urged him to talk to us instead of holding things inside.
Lucas resisted our efforts and was sullen for a few days. It broke our hearts, even though we knew we had done the right thing. I told Miller I thought maybe Lucas needed some physical activity to help him work through his frustrations. He told me Lucas had played t-ball the previous year, and he loved to swim. I signed us up for a family pass to the YMCA the next day during lunch. That night, we took the kids to the pool at the Y before dinner. The physical activity was just what Lucas needed. Later, when we tucked him in, he broke down and cried. He clung to Miller like a life raft as he poured his little heart out.
