“I hurt him by being a coward, Jack.” I sniffled against his chest and twisted my fingers into his t-shirt where they rested just above his ass. “You’d never act so cowardly. You would’ve done the right thing and told him right away.” I felt Jack’s heart thumping beneath my cheek and the steady rhythm helped to calm me a little bit.
“I’m not always very brave, Liam.” There was such sadness in his voice that I pulled my head off his chest and looked into his eyes. “There have been plenty of times that I didn’t act on the things I was feeling, said the things I should’ve said, or taken chances when they were presented.” The way he studied my mouth made me think he was talking about something a little more personal. I could feel my heartbeat quicken in response to the hope that he might notice me as someone other than his employee. But, quick as a snap the heat in his eyes was gone. He blinked and dropped his arms from around me and stood back.
“Jack.” I couldn’t keep the want from creeping into my voice when I said his name. He shook his head and took another step back away from me and the coldness I felt from before creeped back in, but this time it was worse. Somehow, his rejection was worse than Chase’s and I just needed to leave so I could lick my wounds in private. “It was a mistake for me to come here. I see that now. It was stupid and selfish and I’ll just leave. That will make it right again for everyone.” His office was a blur when I spun around and opened the door. I meant what I said, coming to D.C. had been a mistake and I could fix it immediately by going back home.
“Wait, Liam.” Jack called after me, but I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to see pity in his eyes. It was a blow I just couldn’t take at the moment.
I nearly collided with Trevor who must have been on his way to see Jack. Trevor looked at my tear-stained face and then at Jack, assessing the situation. A nearly cruel smile spread across his face when his eyes reconnected with mine. I was seconds away from punching him right in the mouth so I shoved past him so I could leave.
“Liam.” Jack called my name again, but I didn’t stop.
“Jack, we have a problem out front,” I heard Trevor say to Jack. I could feel Jack’s hesitation as if we were somehow connected. Those intense eyes watched me as I strode away.
“I’ll be right there.” I heard Jack say to Trevor as I pushed open the door.
I took a deep breath as soon as I stepped out into the fresh air. The autumn night air helped to cool the heat from the humiliation I had felt over Jack’s rejection. I was thankful for Trevor’s interference, even though I knew I would pay for it the next shift I worked with him – if I stayed here.
“Don’t take another fucking step further.” The anger and command in Jack’s voice stopped me dead in my tracks. I heard his footsteps crunching in loose gravel as he approached me. I felt the heat coming off his body as he stood behind me. Jack wrapped his large hand around my bicep and held me firmly in place. “You’re not driving anywhere this upset. Do you hear me? I’m going to take you upstairs to my loft and get you settled while I see what the fuck is going on that Trevor needs me at the bar. Then I’m coming back upstairs and we’re going to talk about the situation with Chase.”And us.Those words went unspoken, but the tone of his voice and the tenseness of his body told me he was thinking about a more personal situation than the one between my brother and me. “Okay?” I nodded, too afraid to do anything more. Jack let go of my arm and walked away, leaving me to follow him.
Jack unlocked the next door down from the bar entrance and let us into his garage. I saw his Jeep parked there and a motorcycle I didn’t know he owned. I followed him up the metal staircase and waited while he unlocked and slid open the large steel door that acted as his front door. I followed him inside and the beauty of his home was enough to make me temporarily forget my situation.
Jack’s loft was a mix of beautiful earthy tones in his hardwood floors and raw materials, like the metal support beams that were spaced periodically through the home. One entire wall was nothing but windows which faced the Potomac River; the view during sunrise would be breathtaking. The designated living areas were separated by warm rugs on the floor and furniture groupings. I wasn’t sure how much entertaining Jack did, but his large dining room table that looked like it was made of repurposed barn wood sat ten people if you counted the gray modern looking leather chairs that surrounded it.
“Make yourself comfortable,” Jack said, gesturing to the living room area that consisted of a couch and chairs that were arranged to watch a large flat screen TV anchored on a rustic brick wall. “I won’t be long, okay?” Jack replaced his controlling voice with a cajoling one. “I want you to be here when I return.” He paused for a second and then said, “Look at me, Liam.” I turned and looked at him where he stood near the front door. “Will you be here when I get back?”
I should not have wanted to stay, but I did. A perverse part of me wanted to know what he had to say, even if it was bad. If those were to be the last moments I had with Jack, then I’d take them. “I’ll be here.” It seemed like some of his tension left his body once I agreed. He gave me a quick nod and then left his loft.
I felt odd to be in his private space without him there too; I hoped that he handled the situation at the bar and came back quickly. I had been running on fumes all day due to my nerves and it seemed that my tank was nearly dry. I walked over and sank down on the large couch made of dark gray microfiber. I stared out into the dark night through the glass window wall while all of the fight seeped out of every pore throughout my body. My eyes started to feel heavy as my body began to relax on the sofa. My last conscious thoughts were of Jack’s sexy tattoo, his stunning chest, and whether or not his chest hair was as soft as it looked.
WHAT THE HELLhad I been thinking when I invited Liam up to my loft? My fucking libido was screwing with my brain and making it impossible to think whenever Liam was near. I took one look at his grief-stricken face and wanted to lay everything I had at his feet to make the pain go away. I shook my head as I stomped down the staircase to the garage below.
There were other reasons I should stay away from Liam, besides the fact that I wasn’t ready to accept who I was and live openly. One, there was a twelve-year age gap between us. I felt like I lived four lives already and he was just getting started. It didn’t matter that he was really mature for his age, he was still only twenty-four to my thirty-six.
Second, we worked together and it could spell disaster. I had never taken any of my employees, or bar customers, up on their offers and I had received a fair share of them. I didn’t have any rules in place about workplace relationships, and I was kicking myself in the ass for not establishing them. I was excellent at following rules and wanted to believe I would’ve been better at keeping that little sassy imp out of my mind if rules had existed.
Finally, what if I had sex with Liam and later decided that I wasn’t willing to risk my family’s love to live in the open? What then? Was my lack of control where he was concerned worth the risk of hurting him like that? No, hurting him was not an option.
I didn’t have any answers – just more questions. I needed to talk to someone about this, but had no one to turn to that I could trust to keep my secret. It occurred to me as I let myself in the back of the bar that I did have someone I could talk to. I could trust Noah with my secret. Not only was he sworn to secrecy by doctor-patient privilege, but I instinctively knew that I could tell him anything and he’d listen and be objective. He had stopped by granddad’s funeral to offer his condolences and told me to call him anytime if I needed to talk. I decided to call his office to make an appointment; I had to make a decision or be eaten alive by want and worry.
“What’s the problem, Trevor?” I hoped he could tell by my firm tone that I wasn’t in the mood for any bullshit. Lately, he had been throwing small hints that he’d like to be something more than just my employee, but I thwarted all attempts. Although he was a good-looking guy, his cockiness and sense of entitlement made him unattractive to me. Trevor was the exact opposite of the hazel-eyed sweetheart that was waiting for me upstairs.
“Remember that guy, Devon Bellows, who used to date Chase’s husband?” As if I could forget the one date Chase went on with Devon Bellows and the events that happened afterward. It never failed to make me smile at the thought of Chase being the surprise birthday crasher.
“The guy is a fucking tool and not a very sharp one. What about him?” Liam waited for me upstairs and I wanted to get back to him; not fuck around with that dickhead.
“He’s back and causing trouble for Michael by not wanting to take no for an answer.” Michael was my newest bartender and had only worked at my bar for a few months. Michael was shyer than most bartenders and didn’t really know yet how to play flirty games with the customers. Some customers saw that as Michael playing hard to get and ramped up their attention. It really upset him and brought out all of our protective instincts. My employees weren’t just employees to me – they were family. Maybe I didn’t tell them how I felt, but I showed them by always having their backs. No one was permitted to harass my bartenders and wait staff.
“Let’s go.” Trevor practically had to jog to keep up with my long, angry strides. I rounded the bar and sure enough Bellows had his hand on Michael’s arm, trying to detain him when it was obvious that Michael had other customers vying for his attention. It didn’t help matters that Trevor left him by himself when he came to get me. “Maybe next time you can send a text to my phone or send one of the waitresses to get me instead of leaving him to the wolves.” It was fucking packed for midweek and I’d have to stay and help them get caught up before I could return to Liam. I walked right up to Devon the Douche and placed my hand firmly on his shoulder. “Let go of my bartender and get the fuck out of here.” I wasn’t even trying to be subtle at this point. IhopedI lost that dickhead’s business.
“Relax,” Devon said calmly. He let go of Michael’s arm and I stood back so he could climb down off the stool. He threw up his hands as if to surrender and smiled arrogantly at me. “There’s no problem here, Chief.” I followed behind him until he walked out of the bar and disappeared into the night.
I went behind the bar and helped Michael and Trevor get caught up and even helped Hayley and Mel serve their tables. There was no task that I was unwilling to perform at my own bar, which I hoped was part of the reason why most of my employees had been with me since the very beginning. It was nearly an hour later before I was able to tear myself away and return to my loft and Liam.
I walked into my loft and Liam was nowhere to be seen. I dropped my keys on the table, placed my hands on my hips, and released a frustrated groan. I was in such a hurry to get back here that I didn’t look to see if Liam’s car was parked where he’d left it to come up with me. I should have texted him and let him know what was going on, that I’d be later getting back because of the situation at the bar. He would’ve understood and maybe then he would’ve waited. He wouldn’t have thought that I just tucked him out of the way and forgot about him.
I heard a soft whimper coming from the living room area and walked over to see what had Charlie upset. I walked around the back of the couch and found Liam fast asleep on his side with his hands tucked beneath his cheek. He looked so peaceful in his sleep and it stirred something deep inside me, something that I hadn’t felt before and couldn’t put a name to.
Charlie sat beside the couch with his head resting on the cushion next to Liam’s hands. It’s something he had done for me when nightmares ravaged my dreams, turning my peaceful sleep into memories of a bloody hell full of death that I couldn’t escape. It made me wonder if Liam was experiencing disturbing dreams even though he appeared to be at peace.
