“Or maybe you just like playing hard to get?” This time he made no attempt to disguise the irritation in his tone or the sneer that marred his face. I just didn’t get what the hell I had ever done to him.Why? What changed?
“Knock it off, T,” Mel said firmly beside me. “We’re a family here and there’s no place for this passive aggressive bullshit. If you have something you want to say to him then say it, otherwise keep your mouth shut.” Trevor looked like he was going to say something, but must have changed his mind. He just shook his head and went back to his task. “Fine, then let it go.”
I turned to face her and gave her a grateful smile. “Is Chase still in Jack’s office? I wanted to talk to him before he left.” I had decided that if I didn’t say something right then, I’d chicken out again and drive myself crazier.
“Yep, he was putting the night deposit together when I got the supplies out of the closet twenty minutes ago.” Melissa gave me a kiss on the cheek before saying, “I’m heading out. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Night, Mel.”
The dreadful feeling returned as I made my way to Jack’s office. I guess I would more accurately say that it had never left, but it was definitely stronger that night. I paused and took a deep breath before I twisted the knob, opened the door, and looked into the vivid green eyes of Jack Murphy.
“Oh. You’re back.” I was both surprised and disappointed to see him where I expected to find Chase. My disappointment must have been evident in my voice and gave him the wrong impression as to the source. Yes, I was disappointed, but only because it looked like I had missed my chance to tell Chase the truth. Again. Jack’s black brows slashed down as he frowned at me and ran a hand over his smooth, shaved head. The head he shaved in solidarity when his mom was fighting breast cancer. Jack kept shaving his head long after Claire won her fight. My fingers often twitched to run my fingers over his scalp to see if it was as soft as it looked; that night was no exception.
“That’s a bad thing?” His voice was gruffer than normal and his eyes were as troubled as they were the day in the cemetery.
“Not at all,” I quickly amended. “I was just hoping to talk to Chase before he left for the night. I’ll just, um, call him tomorrow.”
“Stop!” I had started to back out of the doorway, but his commanding voice stopped me in my tracks. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong.” I gave him a quick smile as a punctuation to my statement, but if it looked as awkward as it felt then Jack wouldn’t buy it. He missed absolutely nothing.
“Come in here and shut the door, Liam.” Tried as I might, I couldn’t stop thoughts of Jack using that commanding, dominant voice on me in bed. “Let’s try this again and this time I want you to tell me the truth,” Jack said once I shut the door and approached his desk. “What’s wrong, Liam?” He leaned back in his chair, crossed his thick arms across his wide chest, and raised an arrogant brow at me.
“Jack,” I began in a pleading tone, “this has nothing to do with you or my job. It’s something personal that I wanted to discuss with Chase.” I needed him to understand and not press me, because resisting him would be hard – maybe even impossible.
“Spill it.” There was no give in his voice.
“I can’t, Jack. I don’t want to make you complicit.” I pleaded with him using my eyes, because my words hadn’t worked.
“Complicit?” Jack snorted sarcastically and asked, “Were you planning on knocking over an ATM or something? Complicit usually involves something illegal, Ace.”Ace? That was new, but I really liked it.Jack cocked his head to the side and studied me so closely that my nerves began to fray and I began to twitch. Would it be so bad to tell someone about all the turmoil spinning around in my brain? His shoulders looked really broad and strong, like maybe they’d be able to carry my burdens for a bit so I could have a break. “Liam?”
All of the fight left me and I flopped down in a chair. I dug my elbows in the knees of my jeans and laid my forehead in the palms of my hands. “I really screwed up, Jack, and I don’t think he’s going to forgive me.”
“Who? Chase?” I didn’t need to look at his face to know he was confused, because I could hear it in his voice. I mumbled my answer and nodded my head. “Chase is a really nice guy and I can’t see him withholding forgiveness for anything other than sleeping with his husband, but I know that’s not what this is about. It can’t be that bad.”
I raised my head and looked him square in the eyes. “He’s my half-brother.”
“Oh.” Jack sort of collapsed against the back of his chair in surprise. “Wow.”
“I learned that we shared a father some time ago and Chase was the sole reason I moved to D.C., but once I met him I couldn’t find the words to tell him. Next thing I knew, more than a year and a half had passed and I still haven’t told him.” I ran my hands through my hair, tugging slightly on the ends. Jack watched my every move with unreadable eyes. “How do you even tell someone that they’re your half-brother? Do I have it written on a cake and invite him over for dinner? I know… how about I hire a skywriter or a singing telegram.” My voice ratcheted up a notch with each suggestion until I was starting to sound hysterical.
“Or,” Jack paused for effect, “you could just sit him down over coffee and tell him exactly what you just told me. If you are honest with him then he’ll at least respect you, even if he’s mad at first. Once he has time to think about it, he’ll calm down and reach out to you to talk some more.” I liked Jack’s drama-free version better than my drama laden freak-out.
“I hope you’re right, Jack.” I offered a small smile in appreciation. “Thank you for your advice.” I wanted to ask how he was doing, but he was such a private man. I knew I shouldn’t ask him personal questions, but I had been worrying about him during his absence and I could at least put one of my concerns to bed that night. “Are you and your family doing okay? Is there anything I can do?”
His expression was inscrutable for several seconds and I started to regret my decision to voice my question. “One day at a time,” he finally replied. “It meant a lot to me and my family that the three of you made the long trip to pay respects to a man you hardly knew. Thank you.”
“Big Jack was a sweet man and I appreciated the time spent in his company, but we took the trip to West Virginia to supportyoumore than anyone. We care about you, Jack.” Jack’s eyes widened and his nostrils flared slightly. Once again I wondered if I said too much when the room was shrouded in awkwardness. I stood up quickly and produced an exaggerated, fake yawn. “I’m just going to head on home now.” I left off the part about trying to drown myself in the bathtub.
“Liam,” Jack said firmly once I reached for the door. I turned around slowly and looked into the eyes that made my insides quiver like my Nanna’s lime Jell-O mold. The look in his eyes was different from any I’d ever seen before and it was difficult to place. Grateful? Hopeful? “I, um… thank you.”
I nodded my head and smiled at him once more before I left. The look in his eyes followed me home and stayed with me as I laid my head on my pillow to sleep.What exactly had I seen in his eyes and what did it mean?I tossed and turned for a long time before succumbing to sleep. At least the exchange with Jack gave me a short break from my angst over the situation with Chase. I would’ve taken any relief that I could get at that point.
I STARED ATthe door for a long time after Liam walked through it. His confession that Chase was his brother was a big surprise and I wasn’t sure what to say to him. Several questions about when and how he found out played through my mind, but it was obviously not the right time to ask him. I believed what I told him; Chase might be hurt at first, but there was no way he would reject his brother. I took small comfort in the fact that Liam looked slightly calmer when he left than when he first walked into my office.
His parting words about him caring about me stayed with me as I finished the deposit and placed it inside the safe in the back of the closet in my office. I know he said “we” and not “I”, but I changed the pronouns around to suit my wants. It had been a very long time since I wanted someone, other than my family, to care about me. As I progressed further into my recovery from PTSD, I found myself wanting the connection with another human being that I had before everything went to shit. Except now, I didn’t want to settle and my urge to be with a man was only made stronger by Big Jack’s confession and his encouragement. It wasn’t just any man I wanted to be with either; it was Liam.
My muddled thoughts churned around in my brain while I double checked the locks on all the doors and then exited out the back. I walked along the rear of the building until I came to the entrance to my private garage. I fished out my keychain from my pocket and let myself inside the garage where I kept my Jeep Wrangler and my Harley. I bought this old warehouse after my retirement in hopes that renovating it would keep me busy enough that the anxiety, depression, and the hellish nightmares would go away on their own. I had been wrong, only addressing the issues head-on with Noah had helped me, but I ended up building one hell of a business and home in the process.
