I sorted the dirty laundry into piles on the washroom floor and returned the luggage to the walk-in closet in my bedroom. When I exited the closet, I realized that there was something on my perfectly made bed that didn’t belong. A bouquet of decaying red roses and an envelope was placed in the center of my pillows. I knew in my heart that the gift wasn’t left there by one of my friends to welcome me home. My first thought was to remove the offending items from my bed, but I knew I wasn’t allowed to touch it. I just stood there staring.
In fact, I was in the same spot when Gabe and Buddy returned. “Sunshine,” Gabe called out.
“In here.”
Buddy bounded in and made a beeline right for me. It was the jolt back to reality that I needed and not even the ominous gift could stop me from dropping to my knees to give Buddy the hug and ear scratching he needed.
“What the fuck is that?” Gabe asked when he walked into the room. He went over to the bed and leaned over to get a closer look without touching the evidence left behind. “Goddamn it.” He pulled his cellphone out of his pocket and called the police station.
Next thing I knew, my home was filled with officers–twice the amount that showed up for the tire slashing. I’m telling you I saw people I didn’t even know lived in our town or worked on the force. My house was dusted for fingerprints, photos were taken, the offending items were handled with latex gloves, and Gabe had Meredith and Chaz come over to speak with the police so they could try and figure out when the items were left behind. I wasn’t included in any of it; Gabe sat me on the couch and I was left there until the last person left my home.
The quiet night at home I had planned with Gabe was shot to hell. I watched as his body got tighter and his face grew more tense as the minutes ticked away. Gabe had read whatever was in the envelope and I could feel him trying to build a wall between us. I wasn’t about to let that happen.
Gabe stood with his back to me for a long time as he ran his hand through his hair. I figured he was searching for the right words to say, but that gave me time to prepare some of my own. Gabe dropped his hand then turned to face me. The devastated look in his eyes shredded me. Whatever he was thinking was hurting him so bad and I was certain I didn’t want to hear his thoughts spoken out loud.
“No, Gabe.” I shook my head. “You don’t get to make me fall in love with you then crush my heart. You’re not allowed to say things like your world revolves around me then walk away. You don’t get to call me your Sunshine then end us.”
“It would only be until this guy is caught,” Gabe said.
“No,” I said in my most resolute voice.
“You don’t even know what was inside the envelope,” Gabe told me.
“I don’t care.” Well, I did care, but I knew that we were stronger together than apart. “This sick fuck just wants to drive a wedge between us and you’re letting them win.”
“It said: ‘If you cared about him then you would’ve heeded the warning. He will die for your mistake.’ I’m already responsible for…”
“Do not say that you’re responsible for Nate Turner’s death. I’m still not convinced this has anything to do with Nate’s death,” I told Gabe.
“I might’ve agreed if the bastard didn’t include a picture of a dead Nate Turner that was taken at the scene of his homicide. Whoever this person is means business and for whatever reason they’re targeting me. I will not–cannot–let you get hurt because of me. Josh, I would rather break your heart temporarily than see any harm come to you.”
“Bullshit!” I knew my heart didn’t work that way and I wasn’t so sure that I’d forgive him once the threat to me was gone. “Listen very carefully to what I have to say, Gabe, because I’m not playing around here. I’ve been bullied my whole life and this right here is just a scarier, more intense form of bullying. I. Will. Not. Have. It.”
“Sunshine…”
“No! You don’t get to tell me you’re going to break my heart and in the very next breath use the cutesy name you have for me. We’re going to be a team and work through this like the example our parents set for us.” I rose to my feet and went to him. “Gabe, I love you. Please don’t give up on us.”
Gabe closed his eyes and I had hope that maybe he was coming around. When he reopened them, I didn’t see the conviction I had hoped my words would stir inside him, but neither did I see desperation for me to understand him. I held my breath while I waited to hear what he had to say and he waited so long that I became dizzy.
“Things will need to change around here,” he said firmly.
“Okay,” I readily agreed, but then thought about it. “What kind of things?”
“You’re getting an alarm installed on all of the doors and windows. You will no longer allow the back door to remain unlocked during business hours. It stays shut and locked at all times. You have plenty of neighbors to the front of your house and business, but none in the back since no one has moved into Bianca’s house. You will have a door and a lock installed at the bottom of the stairs so that you can keep people from wandering upstairs while you’re busy in the salon.” Gabe had held up a finger with every demand that he made. “Those flowers weren’t there a few days ago when Meredith enticed a pouting Diva from beneath your bed with a treat. I think the flowers were already dead and were brought up during salon hours yesterday since Saturday is your busiest day. Someone probably came through the back door and headed right up the steps to your home.”
None of his demands were unreasonable or too intrusive and in fact made a lot of sense. Blissville wasn’t the same town that I grew up in and it was past time that I accepted it. Extra locks and security versus no Gabe. There really was no contest.
“Fine, but it’s going to be a snazzy door down there, Gabe. I won’t have the ambience and atmosphere ruined by an ill-matched door that sticks out like a sore thumb.”
Gabe pulled me to him, wrapped his arms around me, and held me tight. “God, I love you, Sunshine.”
ISTAYED UP HOURSafter Josh fell asleep against my chest. I worried that I let my heart make the wrong decision. I meant what I had said that I’d rather hurt him temporarily so that he stayed alive, but I saw in his eyes that forgiveness might not be forthcoming if I walked away from him, even if it was in his best interest. I caved because I wanted to and for no other reason. I could only hope my actions wouldn’t hurt him or do anything to dim his brightness.
Sleep, when it came, was fitful and filled with disturbing dreams. I saw Josh’s beautiful face marred with blood and a bullet wound instead of Nate’s. I saw Josh yelling my name and reaching for help that would never come in time to save him. I jerked awake at least ten times in the three hours of sleep I managed to get. Each time, Josh slept soundly nestled against me with his arm and leg thrown across my body to prevent me from leaving him.
God, the thought of breaking his heart killed me, but I wasn’t convinced I had been wrong. I was overcome with the need to get as close to him as I could. I needed his flesh against mine everywhere. No matter how scary life was in that moment, there was one constant: I was a man and I had morning wood. I knew I wasn’t going to fall asleep again so I rolled Josh to his back and woke him with kisses all over his face and neck until he was fully awake and as aroused as I was.
Josh rolled the condom down my dick after I prepared him then I slid inside him; it was as natural as breathing. I saw in his eyes just how uncertain he was about our relationship and I hated that I put that doubt in his eyes. He worried that I was telling him goodbye with my body before I said it with words. I had told Josh I was staying and I wouldn’t go back on my word. “No way I can live without my Sunshine,” I said. My words and the way my body moved were an affirmation of my commitment to him–to us; not a goodbye.
