“Why are you so good to me?” I ran my hands through my hair in frustration.
“Because I’ve been there, Aiden. I want to be someone special to you someday and I’m willing to wait for you if you think there’s a chance for us.” His captivating green eyes held so much promise and I wanted so badly to tell him that I was sure we had a chance, but… “Tell you what,” he said, interrupting my thoughts, “let’s talk when you get back from your road trip. Take some time and think it over, okay?”
“I will,” I promised.
I had every intention of doing just that during my ten-day road trip that ended in New York. I vowed I would excise Macio’s ghosts from my heart and move on with a man who could give me the life I always wanted. Instead, I ended up crying my broken heart out to Garrett on the phone a few days later.
“It’s so stupid to still be in love with him after everything that he put me through. I mean, I haven’t known him that long, so why is he so hard to get over?” I asked Garrett.
“I don’t think it matters how long you knew him,” he said softly. “My grandparents only knew each for three days before they got married in 1941. They were married for sixty-five years and died seven months apart, ten years ago.” I heard the longing for that kind of love in his voice.
“You’re not really helping me, Garrett,” I said wryly. “You’re supposed to tell me that someone I knew for such a short time couldn’t possibly be the reason I would never be happy again. You’re supposed to tell me that there’s someone else out there for me.”
“What if there’s not someone else, Aiden?” Garrett asked.
My heart fell to my feet. “Do you mean that you don’t think I’ll ever find someone else to love who will love me in return?”
“No, that’s not what I meant.” Garrett let out a soft sigh before he said, “What if this guy is the one? Maybe you can’t get over him because you’re not meant to. Perhaps he misses you just as much and needs more time. Maybe he regrets the decision he made but is too afraid to call you.” I never told Garrett Macio’s name or his profession, only that I had fallen for a closeted guy. It wasn’t his fault that he didn’t know the entire situation or that his words gave me false hope.
Garrett and I realized that a romantic relationship wasn’t going to develop between us. Instead, I gained a wonderful friend who I could talk to about things that I couldn’t with anyone else. In a way, it made me feel worse that I couldn’t fall in love with Garrett.
At night, I’d often replay Garrett’s words and wonder if he could possibly be right. Did Macio miss me? And would anything change after more time passed? If not, I was well and truly fucked because I had finally accepted that I would never get over Animacio De Niro.
Sweat dripped off my body as I pounded the fuck out of the punching bag, trying to burn the rage out of my system. I’d successfully defended my championship and was making hand over fist in financial endorsements, but I was as unhappy as any man could be. My life felt unfulfilled because I’d given up on the one thing that brought me joy. The one man who was willing to give up his own freedom for me. I came to the conclusion after the last four months of pain and suffering that I might be a badass inside of the octagon, but I was a fucking pussy-ass coward out of it.
My muscles ached as I released my fury on the sand-filled leather bag in a flurry of jabs and kicks. I was pissed at everything and everyone. I’d been this way since the day I let Aiden walk out of my life without engaging in the only real fight that mattered. I was mad at society for not accepting two men wanting to share their lives together. I was mad at the sport I had dedicated my life to that said a man wasn’t a real man if he could be in love with one. But in the end, I was mad at myself for punking out. I gave the bag one more hard blow before I gave up, finally exhausting myself. Unfortunately, I was still angry and unhappy.
“I don’t know what that bag did to you to deserve such an ass whooping, but I’m sure it had it coming,” I heard a soft, feminine voice say.
I didn’t even need to turn around to know that it was Kathy. Since our little mishap four months ago, we’d made up and put all of that behind us. She’d been pressing me for the past month to talk to Aiden and I’d been doing my best to ignore her… and avoid her. Thinking of Aiden was far too painful, even though he was all I could think about.
She walked over to me. “You need to talk to him, Macio. Before it’s too late.”
I knew what she was talking about. I’d already seen the pictures of Aiden and some other guy named Garrett smiling and flirting all over Aiden’s Twitter and Instagram accounts. I’d managed to destroy two cell phones after looking at how happy they were. Perhaps I was already too late, as it looked like Aiden had moved on.
“It’s already too late,” I growled and threw one more punch at the bag. It was weak, just like my excuses.
“So, I guess you’re giving up on the one person in this world who made you complete,” she pressed. “I guess all is going well for you then. Must be why you’re all alone in my father’s dimly lit gym beating the shit out of a punching bag.”
I looked at her. “What do you want me to do? He’s already got another boyfriend and I can’t necessarily give him what he deserves. We just weren’t meant to be,” I said.
“Do you really believe that?”
I didn’t respond. I’d been telling myself that lie for four fucking months and I still didn’t believe it myself. How could I expect her to? “You should be at home. It’s late.”
“I see,” she said. “I only care for your happiness, Macio. You’re a great guy and you deserve to be with him. Don’t give up on what you two had. Especially not out of fear.”
I stared at her, at a loss for words because it seemed as though Kathy could see right through the walls I had put up. This really was amazing, coming from her. “I’m surprised that you’re pushing me to talk to him so much. It wasn’t too long ago when you wanted Aiden out of the picture. When did you become his white knight?”
“Now you’re just being an asshole,” she remarked.
“I’m still curious.”
Kathy laughed. “I was arrogant to think I could change you, Macio. You made it quite clear that you are strictly dickly.” She giggled at her own joke, then sighed as she grew more serious. “I didn’t respect you or Aiden or either relationships involved. I can admit when I’m wrong… can you?”
I snorted. “That’s just it. I have and I share that pain with no one else but myself, because everyone else has stock in what I can bring them. Through me, everyone else makes their living.”
Kathy held her hands up, cutting me off. “Oh, so you’re the martyr here.”
