Meredith and Chaz shot me inquisitive looks but didn’t comment. I also saw Meredith hesitate to leave me alone with Gabe, but I nodded to let her know that I would be okay. The last thing I worried about was Gabe hurting me physically; I wished I could be as certain about him not breaking my heart. The tight clench of his jaw warned me that doom and heartache lurched around the corner.
“Why do you look so angry with me?” I asked, breaking the ice. No sense in beating around the bush.
“Did you know that Georgia was having an affair with Rocky?” he asked.
“What?” I was surprised that his thunderous countenance was work related and that it seemed to be aimed at me.
“Did Georgia Beaumont tell you she was sleeping with Rocky?” He enunciated each word as if I would have a hard time understanding him.
I felt my spine stiffen at the same time I got hot all over. The implication that I knew something that could help him with his case and deliberately kept it to myself really pissed me off. I knew that I hadn’t let him get to know me very well, but his question felt like a really low blow to me. “Why would I keep something like that from you?”
“You didn’t answer my question.” Gabe paced a few steps and then turned to face me. “Did you know?”
“I knew…”
“Fucking figures.” Gabe threw his hand in the air and then turned away from me. His posture was stiff and foreboding.
I was so shocked by his behavior that it took me a few long seconds to respond to his rudeness. “You didn’t let me finish before you judged and executed me, asshole.” I held my chin high and glared at him when he turned back to face me. “I knew - or suspected, really - that she was seeingsomeone, but I didn’t know who.”
“How did you know or suspect she was seeing someone? Did she tell you anything at all?” Gabe asked, his voice a little less hostile and accusatory.
“It wasn’t what she said but how she acted that made me think she was finally moving on from Rocky. Well, that’s what I thought at the time. I didn’t say anything to you because I didn’t have any facts to share.” The sting of his suspicion hadn’t lessened inside me so I didn’t bother to modulate my tone. “You never answeredmyquestion.”
“I just figured you were either protecting her confidence, being stubborn, or high drama.” I got madder and madder with every stupid word that left his mouth. How was it that I ever fantasized about his lips on my body?
“Stubborn or high drama?” I asked, advancing on him. Maybe later I’d get a chuckle over the contrite expression on his face or the way he backed up, as ifIwas a physical threat tohim. “That’s what you think about me, Gabe? I’m just a big motherfucking drama queen?”
“Drama king,” he replied in a pathetic attempt at humor, as if that made it better.
“I. Am. Not. High. Drama.” People assumed that about me because I was a tad flamboyant and I styled hair. I did more than style hair; I was a motherfucking business owner who probably pulled in the highest salary in my town. I refused to be talked down to by anyone, especially the man I ignorantly gave my body to. “Get out, Gabe.”
“What?” His mouth dropped open and he blinked rapidly in confusion. “You’re throwing me out?” he asked in disbelief.
“I’m pretty sure I was clear.” My body began to shake with rage and hurt. I fucking knew I couldn’t trust him. Regardless of what he said on prior occasions, the truth came out. He thought I was a girlie guy who was prone to drama. He also believed I was dishonest. To him, I was the Dishonest Drama Diva. “I want you to leave.” I could feel tears burning the back of my eyes and I’d be damned before I let him see just how badly his words had hurt me.
“Come on, Josh. Don’t be this way.” His pleas were falling on deaf ears. “What did I say or do that warrants you kicking me out? You’re the one who kept crucial information from me when I interviewed youtwiceafter Georgia’s death. I should be the one throwing a hissy fit.” His face paled when he heard the sharp intake of air I pulled into my lungs. “Okay, that was wrong of me to say. I didn’t mean that or my comments earlier about…”
“Get. Out. Now.” If he wanted to see a hissy fit, then I would gladly show him what one looked like.
“Josh, please…” Gabe took a few steps toward me but stopped when I shook my head no.
I’d cave if he touched me. I’d listen to his apology and accept his claim that emasculating me wasn’t his intention because that was what I wanted to believe. I didn’t realize just how much I wanted to believe in him – us – until any hope we had exploded in so many pieces that they couldn’t be put back together again.
“This isn’t over,” Gabe said firmly. He could believe what he wanted. I followed him to the door so that I could lock up after him. Gabe turned to me and reached for me, but I evaded his hands.
“Goodbye.” I kept my eyes locked on his so he could see how sure I was.
He said nothing else before he turned to leave. I refused to watch him walk away from me because I knew it was the last time. I flipped the lock and turned the sign on the door so that it said I was closed. I made it upstairs and into the shower before I lost it.
It had always been the place I felt safe enough to cry. It had started in high school when I released the heartache through a torrent of tears after getting bullied at school for being gay. It continued to be my safe harbor with every crushing blow to my heart from failed attempts at relationships with guys who only wanted me for sex.
I stood beneath the hot spray of water until the last tear fell from my eyes and then I got out and dried off. I decided it would be the last time that I let Gabe Wyatt hurt me. And while I wasn’t convinced I’d die alone, I was sure that Gabe wasn’t the one I would share my life with.
Thanksgiving was around the corner and I knew I had two choices. I could stay home and be lonely, even though I’d join Meredith or Chaz’s family for dinner, or I could fly down and see my folks. The salon was closed that week and I thought that several days under a warm sun could do a world of good for me. I retrieved my laptop from my bedroom and ordered a roundtrip ticket before I could talk myself out of it.
I decided to call my mom the next day because I wasn’t in the mood for the probing questions she would ask me. I made a mental note to visit home more often so she wouldn’t be so damn suspicious when I did. As much as she drove me crazy, I loved her and missed her very much.
I spent the rest of the night losing myself in television shows in an attempt to put Gabe out of my mind. I resolved to forget him any time his image creeped past the bitch-slapping reality show marathon I watched. He wasn’t for me; I had known it before just as I knew it then. Too bad I hadn’t listened to myself the first time because I would’ve avoided the false hope and heartache.
