“I told you… told you… not to… make me… look stupid. You got… you got bitches laughing… at me,” I could hardly get the words out because I was crying so hard.
Tank reached his hand out to grab me, but I went crazy on him, pushing his hands away, stepping back, not wanting him to touch me.
“Don’t touch me. Don’t fuckin touch me,” I screamed, moving away from him, and I turned, going in the house, walking quickly, so that he wouldn’t catch up to me.
I went through the patio door, and I grabbed my purse that I left on the kitchen counter, and all the while, Tank was behind me, calling after me, telling me to stop. The second I reached the door, he pulled me into him by the loop of the jeans that I was wearing, making my body crash against his hard chest. Emotional, heartbroken, just feeling all the things, I broke down, trying to fight my way out of his grasp. He had me in a tight bear hug, not letting me go anywhere.
“I hate that you doing this shit. You wilding on a nigga, trying to leave and shit, as if I have a history of cheating on you. Dionne, I’ve made so many fuckin changes since me, and you got together. As you can see that bitch number wasn’t even saved to my phone. I deleted any female number out of my phone that I used to deal with when we made it official. You told me that you were only giving me two strikes. What kind of dumb ass nigga would I be to fuck that shit up? If me, and her had been in communication, you would have every right to wild out on me, but bae I didn’t do shit. How the fuck you going to get mad at me for some shit that I didn’t do?” he asked me.
I heard him through my cries, but I didn’t answer him.
“Anwer what I just asked you, Dionne,” his voice was demanding.
“I don’t... know,” was all that I had for him.
“And then, what if she made up a bunch of lies over the phone, telling you that I was still fuckin her? What were you going to do? Take her word over mine? Haven’t I given you enough reassurance? The way I’m out here acting over you, it’s no way possible that you could even think that it was someone else. I’m offended by that shit,” he finished, and then he took his hands off me.
I turned around, so that I could look at him, but I didn’t say anything. I felt like this past hour had just been a nightmare. I came over here, thinking that I was going to lay up under my man, and the shit that just took place at my mom’s house would get swept under the rug. I didn’t think that I would come over here, and my problems would get worst.
“Say something. You were just loud as fuck outside in the backyard. You were quick to believe that I was fuckin another bitch, so keep that same energy. Say something,” he kept going.
“I don’t want to use it as an excuse, but Tank, I’m scared. I’m scared you’re going to hurt me. She even said it over the phonethat you’re not the settling down type. What’s going to happen when the thrill, and the work that your putting in to court me suddenly wears off? The two women that you’ve dealt with in your past that I know about, both have told me the same thing about you. It’s like they know that it will never be me, and you. They feel like it’s just my turn,” I was honest with him, and he pulled down on his beard, nodding his head.
“All I’m hearing from you is that you don’t trust me, and that all the work that I’ve been putting in these past few months with you has been in vain. You’re not going off what you’re getting out of me. You’re going off what them hoes telling you. You getting a version of me that no other woman has gotten from me. The females that I used to deal with, they didn’t have an idea of where the fuck I lived. Not only do you know where I live, but you got the code to the door, and you can come and go as you please in this bitch, without me even being home. I took you shopping the other day, didn’t give you a limit, telling you that you could get whatever the fuck you wanted. My mama met you. I told my grandma, and other family members about you. I’m talking to you about kids. Why the fuck you gone listen to another bitch, when I’m standing right in front of you, doing everything and more that a nigga is supposed to be doing? I love you, Dionne. I swear I do, but if you don’t think that I’m the man for you, and if you feel it in the back of your mind that I’m going to hurt you, then what the fuck are we doing?” he asked.
Nodding my head, I looked at him, taking in the things that he said to me. When he didn’t get an answer from me, he just walked away.
I stood here, trying to see if I was going to stay, or leave. It was so easy to leave and just run away from the problem that we had, but I didn’t do that. Instead, I decided to stay.
I went upstairs with my purse, and I headed for Tank’s bedroom. I’ve been spending a lot of time over here, so I hadmy clothes in one of his drawers. I pulled out a pajama set, along with some underwear. I took the items with me into the bathroom, where I started up the shower.
Once the water was good and hot, just how I liked it, I removed the clothes that I was wearing, and I got in. For at least the first ten minutes of the shower, I just stood under the water, allowing it to beat against my skin. I was allowing my hair to get wet too.
So many things were running through my mind. I was mainly thinking about Tank and I, and how I was going to allow my own self to get in the way of building something with him. For the first time in my life, I’ve been contemplating marriage, and kids. Back then, those two things were never really goals for me. I was living a fast life, wanting to travel the world, stay on the move, but Tank had me ready to embark on a new journey with him. I didn’t feel like I was wrong for getting mad at him because of a woman that he used to deal with had called him, but I was wrong for reacting the way that I did, especially since he hasn’t fucked around on me. For that, once I’m done, I’ll find him and apologize.
It's just that this was the second bitch that I’ve had to exchange words with since him and I started dealing with each other, and I wasn’t trying to have to check different bitches every other month. I wasn’t built to handle that kind of drama.
I eventually finished up in the shower. I was able to stop myself from zoning out the way I had been doing and use this time in the shower to wash my hair and clean my body. When I stepped out, I wrapped a towel around my body, and I went over to the sink, pulling out one of the drawers, where my microfiber hair towel wrap was, and I used it to put over my wet hair.
Once that was done, I brushed my teeth, and did my long, hefty skin routine that I would do at night. I dried off, and usedlotion, along with body oil to place all over my body. I had a nice, silk two pieced pajama set to throw on, and that’s what I did.
When I made it back out into the bedroom, Tank wasn’t inside. I knew that we needed to have a conversation, so I slipped on my house shoes, and I headed downstairs.
It was dark down here now because he’d turned the lights off. I could hear the TV playing in the family room. The light coming from the TV was the only light that was on. I could see Tank from behind, as he was seated on the couch, watching sports. I slowly walked in, not really knowing what kind of mood he was going to be in. I wanted to sit on him, but I was afraid that he was going to humble me, by moving me off him. On the other end, I felt like my night couldn’t get any worst compared to the things that had already happened, so feeling bold, I came over, stood right in front of him, and I straddled his lap.
I kept my hands to my side, and he kept his down in his lap. Any other time, his hands would have immediately found their way to my ass, but he didn’t do that. There was also a mug still resting on his face, as if he was still pissed, and annoyed with me.
“I’m sorry for the way that I reacted. I don’t think that you’re cheating on me, and I do see the work that you’ve been putting in with me. I don’t want to make excuses for my actions, but when your phone was ringing, and you didn’t answer it, I got in my head. I know that it’s a million bitches out here that want you, so that fucks with me sometimes,” I was honest with him.
“I ain’t saying that you were wrong for checking me about a bitch calling my phone. You have that right. Considering the space that me and you are in, and what we’re trying to build, it shouldn’t be any other woman calling my phone. I’ll give you that. You can check me over some shit like that because if a nigga hit you, I’ll probably spazz too. I didn’t really get annoyed with your ass until you started taking another bitch word over me. Another woman can’t tell you shit about me, Dionne because likeI said, they never had this version of me that I’m giving you,” he said, and I believed him, so I nodded.
I went closer to him, lying my head on his chest, and I snaked my hands around, so that they could wrap around his waist.
“You stress a nigga the fuck out,” he blurted after about two minutes of silence.
“You blocked her number?” I asked, not paying attention to anything that he was saying to me.
“Yeah. I don’t want a part two of this shit, so when I wake up in the morning, the first thing that I’m going to do is change my phone number. That way, none of my old hoes going to have it,” he said, and I snickered at that.
