She’s a sweet woman who’s always been kind to me. Any time I’d come in to see her or her husband, Dr. Dawson, I'd never felt the same judgment I usually do in any of the other town's establishments. Her dark hair and green eyes are striking even for her age. She's absolutely beautiful. It’s no wonder Raven is as gorgeous as she is. Her mother is incredibly stunning.
“I’m going to apply some gel, sweetie, and then we’ll take a look. You’ll feel a little cold, but it shouldn’t be very uncomfortable.” I lay back, and the gown she had me change into parts just enough for her to reach my stomach. The second the gel touches my skin, I flinch, reaching for Jase’s hand.
“Just breathe, sweetie,” she says. “It’s always a shock at first.”
I inhale a sharp breath and release it, my shoulders sagging as I allow myself a moment to relax, though it doesn’t last long.
A second later, I feel Jase squeeze my hand, warm and steady in mine like it's always belonged. His thumb moves gently across my knuckles, anchoring me to the moment as I clutch him.
Suddenly, the screen lights up as a fuzzy, fluttering form appears. Unclear at first until Millie adjusts the wand and the sound kicks in.
Thump-thump-thump-thump.
The heartbeat fills the room, so loud I can feel it pulse along with mine. My eyes focus on the screen, unblinking. That’s my baby, our baby. Moving and growing inside me. It’s no longer just a figment but real.
Jase’s hand tightens around mine. “That’s…” he whispers, eyes wide, locked on the monitor. I can feel the rhythm of his staggering pulse through my palm, in perfect sync with mine blaring in my chest. “That’s really it?”
Millie smiles, sincere and full of warmth. For a moment, it’s truly shocking to me how she and Raven have such a hard time getting along, but I know appearances are not to be trusted when so much happens behind closed doors. “Yup, a very healthy heartbeat. Looks like you're measuring perfectly. Around sixteen weeks.”
I can’t look away. The tiny body forming along the screen the closer I look, wiggles its tiny arms and legs. A tear slides down my cheek, and Jase immediately notices, leaning in closer to gently wipe it away with the pad of his thumb. “You okay?”
I nod. “I didn’t think it would feel like this.”
He stares at the monitor a moment longer. “That’s us,” he says quietly.
“I’ll give you guys a minute. When you're ready, meet me at the front desk. I’ll have the picture printed and your next appointment scheduled, dear.” The moment the door clicks shut, the room feels impossibly still again.
“She’s real,” he says.
I blink, thinking maybe I missed something. “She?”
He grins. “I don’t know. I keep picturing a girl. A mini Moonshine.” He looks over at me, eyes searching for a glimpse of what I’m feeling. “I want to be here for all of it, Monroe. Not just this. Everything. Appointments, names, late-night cravings and baby kicks. I want to be with you.”
My mouth opens with an objection, but I close it a moment later. No one's ever wanted to stay before. “Jase…”
“Don’t say anything now,” he says, smiling now. “I’ll be here for as long as it takes you to decide what you want. No matter what it takes, we’re doing this.”
For the first time since I found out I was pregnant, I don’t feel like the world’s closing in on me. I can feel it cracking open with hope and new beginnings with Jase by my side. But beneath it all, at the forefront of my mind, is the doubt that nothing is ever this easy. I’m a pessimist, raised to expect the worst, and that goes with people as well. I have trust issues so deep, I can hardly trust my judgment. As much as I want to do this with Jase, it’s the exact reason I should be wary. Soon enough, something will come up that will let me know which way to proceed.
Do I allow myself to be swept away in what could be, or trust my gut that nothing is as it seems?
Chapter Fourteen
Monroe
Present
“We don’t have to go, Monroe. Actually, no,” Jase says as he walks in through the front door, slamming it behind him. “We’re not going.”
He’s been like this all day.
December was always one of my least favorite months. The Christmas season was a painful reminder of what I lacked as a child. I didn’t have any happy childhood memories surrounded by the love, joy and laughter this time is supposed to bring. My Christmases were just another day spent alone, at least until Monty took guardianship over me when Delia left us, but even then it was just the two of us. Monty tried his best to make things special, buying me a present with what little money he made taking on work as a ranch hand, and even taking me out to Freddie's, the old diner we used to love to go to.
When we finally moved out of my father’s house, once Monty started his construction company, Montgomery Builds, I was old enough to decorate whatever I could, though by that point I wasn’t really in love with the holiday. During the last decade,things changed. Beau and Theo would drop into town for a quick visit during the holiday, and we’d have Christmas Eve dinner together. I’d then spend Christmas day with the girls binge-watching Hallmark Christmas movies just to make fun of how corny and predictable they were while we sat on the couch in our pajamas and sipped on peppermint mocha martinis.
Christmas shouldn't still be something I dreaded. This year I should be excited. My brothers are all back in Crossroads for the first time in ten years, except for Theo, who is currently finishing the tour for his latest album, but he should be here in the next couple of days. Instead, I’m twenty-eight years old, pregnant and living with the father of my baby, a man I am not in a relationship with. To make matters worse, we’re practically living with his parents, and we’ll be spending Christmas Eve with them.
My stomach drops at the thought of sitting across from Magnolia King as she serves me her pot roast and cobbler, all while clutching her pearls and judging every single one of my choices. I’m sure she’ll say something like, “I’m praying for you, Monroe”.
