“This wasn’t supposed to happen,” I mutter under my breath, though I’m too tired to push him off me.
“Yeah,” he whispers against me, brushing his lips over mine again. “Guess we got carried away.” I let out a slow, shaky laugh, but my eyes remain closed, unable to look at him. “Maybe that’s not such a bad thing,” he says, but I can’t bring myself to agree.
This situation between us is already so delicate. There are so many unknowns, too many people involved, and more than one heart that could break if things go south. I can’t risk it even though my body wants nothing more than to let him keep me pressed against this wall and watch as his mouth and hands continue to explore me. I have to think about my baby before I once again allow myself to fall under the spell of Jameson King.
“You have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, right?” I nod. “I’ll take you.”
With a deep breath, I look up to find Jase’s gaze fixed on my lips, and I swallow, knowing exactly what he’s thinking and how it perfectly mirrors my thoughts. It would be so easy to let him kiss me again, like I know he wants to, here against the half-painted wall of the room we're decorating for our baby, but instead I clear my throat and take a step back like nothing's happened.
Except everything has. I know as I stand here looking at him he can see all my fears and reservations, and yet he doesn’t back away. I know now that no matter what we do, or however much I try to deny what’s between us, we can never escape the tension.
“You missed a spot,” he says when I don’t answer, looking up toward the wall. I turn and walk backwards as he picks up the roller.
Leaning against the one piece of furniture still in the room, an old bookcase from when this room was set up as an office,I watch him work. My gaze is focused on the slow way he rolls the brush along the way, creating perfect, clean strokes. He’s a fast learner, but I don’t tell him that. Jase doesn’t need his ego stroked, and that’s exactly what my comment will do.
Isit on the edge of the exam table, my fingers tightly gripping the edge, trying to keep myself grounded, but the paper beneath me crinkles every time I shift nervously. My hands are stiff, and it has nothing to do with the blaring air conditioning in the exam room, nor the cooler temps from outside.
This is how I get when I’m nervous. Cold yet clammy hands, my nerves electric as they buzz inside me. It’s too quiet—another thing that has me so on edge. As if the reason I’m here isn't enough to have me trembling in a panic. The room is the kind of quiet that makes way for overthinking, which I'm already a victim of.
I’ve only ever gone to one doctor appointment since finding out I’m pregnant, and it was only to confirm what I already knew to be true. I thought of going back to Rivers Bend, but when Raven mentioned her mom studied to be an OBGYN only never practiced, I knew this is where I had to come.
Millie Dawson left a few minutes ago to grab the ultrasound cart, leaving me alone with my thoughts and the anxiety pulsing behind my ribs. Yesterday, Jase offered to bring me, only at the last minute, he had to go into the bar because of some pipes that burst under the kitchen floorboards. I told him it was fine, but he assured me he’d meet me here before the appointment started.
That was ten minutes ago.
I shouldn’t want him here. It shouldn’t matter, but after our kiss yesterday, it only felt right to accept his offer to bring me.Maybe if he’s more involved with the baby, he’ll realize why adding a physical relationship would be a bad idea.
Jase is so lost in the feeling of what it felt like to be together. It was the best sex of my life, though I’d never admit it to him. The attraction between us is undeniable, and the way he looks at me tells me he desires me. Though lust is not a logical reason, and the dick between his legs doesn't let him see clearly.
Right now, it’s like we’re playing house. Living together, redecorating and preparing to welcome our baby into their new home, but the reality is this pregnancy is no game. This is a life we’re bringing into this world, and it wouldn’t be fair to them to pretend that we know what the future holds.
What if three months into our relationship, Jase decides it’s not what he signed up for, or no longer sees me the way he had when I’m huge, with swollen feet and clothes that don’t fit me? Or if I don’t put off the baby weight and he’s no longer attracted to me? What if he realizes a baby is too much work, and no longer wants to be a part of us?
I don’t see Jase being so cruel or irresponsible, but I’m in no position to take chances.
My fingers slide down to rest on the small swell of my stomach, barely visible but a reminder I’m going to be someone's mother.
As the doorknob turns, I hold my breath preparing for the unexpected. Jase steps inside, the buttons of his jacket uneven like he was in a hurry to get dressed, hair a little damp, eyes flicking around the room at all the posters you’d find in an obstetrician’s office Millie put up to make the room feel more welcoming, before landing on me. When they do, he smiles, making my heart skip a beat.
“Hey,” he says so casually that it somewhat soothes my nerves.
“Hey.”
My entire body is on alert, completely aware of his presence as he takes a few slow steps closer, to stand near a chair by my side. “Did I miss anything?”
His cologne, a subtle mix of sandalwood and something musky, fills my nostrils. Relief, sharp and unexpected, floods through me as I feel him close. It’s reassuring, and it shouldn’t make me feel so good, but it does. “You came.”
His smile brightens when he senses he’s eased my nerves. “I told you I’d be here.”
“I know,” I whisper, suddenly too nervous to look at him when my mind floods with visions of his lips on mine. “I just wasn’t sure if you meant it.”
Jase takes a seat on the small stool, close enough that his knees brush against mine. He doesn’t reach for my hand like I thought he would, but his mere presence settles something in my chest.
Is this what it feels like to have someone in my corner?
We sit in silence until Millie returns, rolling in the machine. “Hi there,” she greets with a warm smile, keeping her composure even though I know she’s shocked to see Jase by my side. By now all of Crossroads knows he and I are expecting a baby together, though they know little else. Apparently, Jase’s mama, Magnolia King, has kept a tight lip about her family's current scandals. There are plenty.
“First ultrasound together?” Millie asks, and I’m relieved she doesn’t question us further about our current “status”. I nod. Jase doesn’t speak, just watches Millie set up.
