We were outdoors, but the earth seemed to close in on me, suffocating me with the grief I refused to let in. Tears spilled over and washed away my carefully constructed facade.
I decided I wouldn’t mourn my father. I would mourn the little girl forced to grow up without one.
“Not yet,” I whispered, unable to look away though I knew I had no business staying.
“Are you sure, sis?” Beau added, his voice low, as if I’d break if he spoke too loudly. “We should go in. It looks like it’s about to start raining again. None of us have any business staying out here longer than we’ve already had to endure.”
I gave a short laugh that came out harsher than I’d planned. “Don’t treat me like I’m made of glass, brother. These tears are fake. The hormones are causing them, not any genuine pain or grief on my part.”
Nash took a step toward me and placed a hand on my shoulder, immediately sensing the lie I told myself. “You don’t have to be okay, Izzy.” I hated that he was determined to use the stupid nickname he gave me when we were little. Especially since it had been all but seven days since I’d forgiven him for leaving without a goodbye ten years ago.
“I’m not okay,” I said flatly. “I’m just not pretending Franklin was something he wasn’t.”
Theo turned his head, finally joining us. Compared to his usual smooth as silk voice, this time it was uncharacteristically gravelly. “Say what you need to, Monroe. You don’t owe him silence. You don’t have to pretend you cared for the bastard. None of us do.”
As I spoke, my voice was shaky, and I took a deep breath to steady myself. “He wasn’t a father. He was a man who gave me his last name and then spent the rest of his life making me feel like I’d never earned it. He never once cared if I made it home from school in the rain, if I ever ate dinner or had a good night's sleep. He let you take me away. I won’t cry for a man who doesn’t deserve my tears.”
Monty reached for me and pulled me in close under his arm. This was what safety felt like. “He didn’t let me do anything, Monroe. I would have taken you from him even if I had to kill him myself to do so.” That hurt more. My father never even tried to stop Monty from taking over my guardianship and moving me out of our home after my mother left us. “He knew he wouldn’t have been able to stop me,” he added, reading my mind.
“You don’t have to pretend he meant anything to you,” Nash said, making me look around at all the people gathered here because we were a family. My brothers, despite being unbearable, loud, impossible, I knew they would never again leave me behind. I loved them, and they adored me, even whenI lied to every single one. My two best friends had been with me through everything, and would keep any secret I asked.
My eyes flicked to the edge of the fence where Jase stood, watching me with that look he wore that made my breath hitch. He looked like he wanted to take the weight off my shoulders if he could, but I knew he wouldn’t dare come close to me. Not with my brothers here, but we hadn’t had a moment alone.
Suddenly I felt this overwhelming guilt for avoiding him when all he wanted was to be there for me. Though not a word was spoken for the rest of our time out here, just the gravity of a group who’d survived some of the worst days and were still here. Something in me knew the worst was yet to come.
Chapter Twelve
Monroe
Past
It had been just over a week since my pregnancy became public record amongst my family and friends. A week of having my brothers incessantly hovering over me, afraid I was going to have some type of mental breakdown. Theo and Beau constantly called and treated me like I was some fragile little flower, about to shatter under the slightest pressure. Nash was still pissed off about exactly what I wasn’t sure. There was a list of things he was relentlessly blaming himself for. Not being here to ensure I stay protected or in his mind, remained some virginal little Daisy.
Finally, there was Monty, whose reaction, or lack thereof, was mostly off-putting. He didn’t yell, didn't really even seem mad or disappointed. His indifference toward the whole situation made me so incredibly uneasy.
We were at the town's annual Harvest Festival, so for the next few hours I had to pretend everything was great. Word had spread about my father’s death, so at least I didn't have to pretend to be happy.
I was here only to support my friends. Honeybees, along with Stingers Tavern, were two of the festival's biggest sponsors. We’d spent all morning baking after Billie and I had spent the night at the King Ranch, after Thanksgiving with her entire family last night. My brothers included.
To say that was awkward was definitely an understatement. I once again ignored Jase, and this time he didn’t come looking for me either. Something plagued him. Something that had nothing to do with me. It made me wonder if maybe his dad was pressuring him too much with the upkeep of the ranch now that he was working full time at the bar. Or maybe the bar was having financial troubles, and he kept that from Bailey too. Bailey had mentioned he was occasionally leaving town for meetings that had to do with Stingers, though she never knew when or why.
As I arranged a banner on one side of the tent, Jase startled me by appearing behind me. “Shit, Jase,” I shouted, nearly tumbling off the chair I stood on, but he caught me, and that only made my heart race even more. “You scared the crap out of me.”
His voice was tense as he held me with his arms around my waist. I froze, unable to move away or yell at him for doing so in such a public place. “Monroe, we have to talk about this,” he said, and I pushed him off. He dropped his hands to his sides. “We can’t just go on ignoring it. I spent two months giving you the space to come to terms with what happened between us. But now, now that I know your…” He paused, unable to say the word. “I can’t keep waiting without knowing what we’re doing.”
I wanted to tell him to leave me alone, but there was no use when I’d already spent long enough avoiding him. “I know Jase. It’s just…it’s a lot to process. My brothers didn’t take the news well. How the hell do you think they’re going to feel when they find out it’s your child?”
“You fucked my sister?” Nash shouted as he rushed toward us and grabbed Jase by the collar of his shirt. He slammed his back against the metal column holding the tent up over the booth.
Oh God, no. “Nash, please let him go,” I pleaded as I tugged on my brother's sleeve.
I thought I was quiet, but I should have paid attention and pushed Jase away. “Is this some sort of revenge plot you’ve come up with?” Nash was angry. Beyond that, my brother shook from how incredibly furious he was to have found out this way. “I fucked your sister, so you fuck mine and get her pregnant?” A humorless laugh bubbled out of him. “You were always one to try to one-up me in everything we did as kids. Well, you’ve done it, Jase. You won this game.”
“Fuck you, Nash,” Jase shouted back, pushing him away. By this time, there were few people who gathered around us. No, not here. This couldn’t be happening here. “It’s more than what you think.”
I turned to Jase, unsure if I had correctly heard what he said.More?How was this more than him getting his best friend’s sister pregnant?
“Tell me, did you or did you not, fuck my sister and now she is pregnant with your kid?” Jase fell silent and that’s when I knew he’d only said what he said because he felt pressured, caught in the lie we created.
