“You get what a fucked up situation that puts everyone in, though, right?” Evan asks. “Like what happens when someone picks the one they want to be with for real and the other person—what? Gets kicked to the curb? Or worse—what if you pick your person, but he picks the other person who picks you, then what?”
I laugh.
“Why’s that funny?”
“Because that second thing isn’t gonna happen.”
“How do you know? There’s a play I had to read in high school where three people are trapped in a room together in hell and that’s exactly the situation they’re in—that’s what makes it hell.”
I’m still grinning. “You’re cute when you overthink shit.”
“Don’t call me cute right now. This is a mess.”
“Messy can be fun.”
“It can also be toxic,” he says, and he looks like he’s about to go to his room.
“What did you end up saying you were gonna do?”
“I told him I’d think about it.”
“What do you wanna do about me?” I ask before he can get to the hallway.
He stops and watches as I walk up to him.
“I have no idea,” he says quietly. “God, you’re so hot.”
I smile and pull at the strings on his hoodie. “I don’t really date, but I do other things that help me get to know someone better.”
His eyes widen slightly. “Do you and Isaac eat testosterone for breakfast or what?”
“You shouldn’t have let me come on your ass. Now it’s all I can think about.”
He wobbles, then he locks his knees. “I have to get ready for work.”
“So do I. I’ll let you go when you answer my question.”
“What was the question?”
“What do you wanna do about me?”
“Notnothing,” he says. “Deacon, I don’t know. I’m overwhelmed.”
I let his ties go and take a small step away from him. “Then let’s catch up later.”
He nods. “Okay. Thanks.”
Evan goes to take a shower, and I resist the urge to follow him in, still pretty sure that giving him space is the better bet.
Once I’m in my own bathroom, my thoughts drift back to Isaac. I misread situations and people far more often than I get them right, but I think I know what he wants. He genuinely seems into me. Into moving forward and continuing to hookup. He followed through with the conversation with Evan like he said he would, but I can’t tell whether Evan gave him any answers.
Still, he didn’t say no, either.
I understand that Evan’s current indecision doesn’t mean he’d be down for a threesome, but that does not stop me from jerking off to the visual that’s a little too easy to imagine—the idea of having both men in my bed.
As I’m coming down from the high of blasting a load of cum on the tile, there’s a twinge in my chest and a memory of how I was living before Isaac. Loud noise and neon and the suggestion of being young and wild and alive, but I was so fucking numb.
I can hate all I want on the fact that I have to take meds every day, but the way I’ve felt with Evan and Isaac is that vivid sensory feast that hits exactly right. And like anything I enjoy, I want to binge it and make it my everything.
