I simultaneously want to know every detail and open the car door to vomit on the sidewalk, but I need to stick with my convictions here, not show all my weaknesses. “So…see? It’s possible to want two things at once.”
“Wanting and having are two very different things.”
“I mean, if everybody’s on board…”
“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” he says.
“Sorry.”
“You know, I had a conversation with Calyx once. Not too long ago. He asked if you and I had something going on.”
My eyes widen at the mention of one of my exes. “You know Calyx?”
“It’s a small world. He’s with one of my best friends now. An MMA fighter. They’re very cute and happy together.”
“That’s…good.” Imagining Calyx happy, however is a lot like trying to imagine an ostrich riding a bicycle. It’s possible I was the problem in our relationship, but I’d prefer to think of it as our needs being incompatible.
“Anyway, he said he wasn’t surprised we were hooking up and you were seeing other people. He said it was hard for him to imagine one man being enough for you.”
“Consider for a moment I might have been more attracted to him than he was to me.”
“Is that so?”
“It happens.” I say that with a gesture between the two of us.
“I’mobviouslyattracted to you, Isaac.”
“Well, I would consider at least some of our needs compatible. Apparently not all of them, though, according to you.”
“Well, I guess I’ll have to admit to not being an expert onallyour needs.”
“Neither am I, if that helps.”
He lets out a soft chuckle but suppresses it quickly.
I lean my head back on my seat and turn his way. “Evan?”
He looks at me, and he’s so beautiful, his blue eyes striking even in the dim light. He has the smoothest skin. Calyx was a model and probably one of the most beautiful men I’ve ever seen, objectively speaking, but Evan’s body, his sense of humor, his usually easy smile makes him feel so fucking right for me. Safe? No. I don’t feel safe with him at all. And I think that’s what draws me to Deacon.
But I don’t need to feel safe. Not the way I need Evan to give me a chance to love him the way he deserves. He deserves so much, and I want to be the one to give it to him. “Don’t leave me,” I say quietly.
“Don’t guilt me.”
I breathe through a crushing ache in my chest. On second thought, maybe safe doesn’t sound so bad. “Are you coming to work today?”
“Yeah, I’ll be there, but I need to get showered and ready.”
“Can I drive you home?”
“Sure,” he says.
I put the car into gear. He gives me directions even after I put his address into my GPS.
A few minutes later, I pull to a stop at the curb outside his building. “Are you expecting me to list your job today, or do you want to take some time to think about it?”
He sighs. “I’ll let you know when to list it.”
“Okay.”
