“And he gets along with your friends? The good ones, I mean.”
“Yeah,” I tell him. “They like him. He’snice.”
“Is he not your type?”
“I’m not sure I have a type.” There’s a lot I’m still trying to figure out, and the time I’ve spent with Isaac has had me thinking that what I thought I wanted might not be what I needed.
I might not need to be pounded or choked into oblivion. I might rather have someone to take care of, whatever that looks like.
“The fact that you’re calling me outside session about this man you fed and held hands with tells me there may be something there worth exploring.”
“Explore how?” I ask.
“Keep talking to him and see,” he tells me like conversations are the simplest things in the world. Although, it wasn’t hard talking to Evan on the couch while he was eating last night. There were some signs he was struggling with having to talk to me, but I’ve been known to misread signs in the past, especially when I’m nervous like I have been since this all blew up in my face.
“See what? If I’m attracted to him?” I ask.
“Yes.”
“What about Isaac?”
Gray sighs. “What about the CEO of your company?”
“I like him.”
“Are you exclusive?”
“No,” I say.
“Good, because you’re trying to get out of a toxic, codependent situation, and you don’t need to be committing yourself to the first person who got your rocks off. A nice guy your age who you might be attracted to is a good option to consider, yes?”
“But what if it doesn’t work out, and we’re stuck living together? What about Isaac?”
“No one’s stuck,” Gray reminds me. “We’ve talked about this. Things work out, or they don’t. People make changes, or they change their mind. You’re not in control of the outcome. And that might sound intimidating, but it’s how we find the people and the places thatdowork out. This is the way life unfolds. We follow our gut and deal with the consequences. As long as the behavior isn’t physically self-destructive like indiscriminate sexor drug use—even if it is honestly—you learn what you like and what you need. Are you still following me?” he asks.
I am. I’m hanging on his words like they’re gospel.
“Have you ever done something just for the thrill of it? No drugs or alcohol involved?”
The first thing that springs to mind is kissing Isaac at that sushi place. I liked where that wound up. I’m still not sure what came over me that night, other than being really horny. I’m not horny right now, but the hug Evan halfway asked for then didn’t let me give him definitely feels like unfinished business.
Like a burner I left on.
“You’re still single, Deacon,” Gray says. “Go mingle, would you?”
“I feel like I need a drink. Or four,” I admit.
“Let’s try tonight without one and let me know how it goes. If it’s a disaster, you can call me back. And remember you have work tomorrow.”
“Yeah, okay.”
I’m ready to hang up and call Bailey now. It’s like an autopilot thing. Every time I leave Gray’s office lately, I’m on the phone with her, making her give it to me straight in the no bullshit way she has. Gray has no bullshit either, but I don’t like him as much as I like Bailey and besides, I pay him.
Bailey likes—or at least she claims to—agreeing or disagreeing with my therapist. And I guess I have a lot to catch her up on.
“Deacon! So soon? Did you make something yummy for me to come get? I can be there in twenty.”
“I just got off the phone with Gray.”
