“I’m just trying to be honest with you. In case Isaac hasn’t been. I’m not trying to throw him under the bus or anything, I really like him, I just—I like you, too, and I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“I’m not hurt,” I assure him. “Surprised, but we haven’t talked about being exclusive or anything. I just wanted to keep seeing him, so…that’s the only reason I mentioned anything.”
Evan sucks his lips into his mouth and takes a breath. “Thanks. Um…okay. I’m glad you hit it off. Isaac is amazing. You’re amazing, so…yeah. I’m happy for you.”
He doesn’t sound happy. His words are flat. Toneless.
“Hey,” I say. “I’m not really all that great at subtext. I don’t know if you know that about me, but if you could say what youmean, that would help. I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not.”
“I’m not trying to be,” he says.
“Okay. But it doesn’t sound like you’re actually happy.”
“No,” he says, the word tight and almost forced. “I guess you’re right. But it’s your life, and if Isaac is who you want, and he wants you…that’s great. I mean—okay, notgreat, but I’m fine. Really. I’ll be fine.”
“Not fine, though?” I ask, because people throw that word around a lot and then act the complete opposite of fine.
“Okay, yes. Maybe I’m not a hundred percent fine, but I’ll be okay. Promise. I think I might not like change. That’s all.”
Change, I’m learning,ishard. I can definitely relate. “I want to respect your boundaries.”
“My roommate boundaries?”
I nod.
Evan runs a hand through his hair. It’s shaking. “Well, you’ve always been really good about that.”
“Sarcasm?”
“No,” he says.
“Okay.”
He lowers his hand to fidget with the alignment of his silverware. “You know, this is the first time we’ve ever done anything together outside the apartment.”
“We’ve gone out together,” I remind him.
“I mean just us,” he says.
“Have you wanted to?”
“I wouldn’t have hated it.”
That’s not the same as saying he wanted to. “I’m on sort of a break from my friend group. They were people I knew from high school. Recently I realized they weren’t healthy for me, and so going on that date that ended up being with Isaac was a new thing for me to do.”
“You have a whole friend group? Not Ryan and them?”
I shake my head. “No. I mean yes, I have people I went out with on weekends, but it was getting to be too much. Toxic. And I didn’t like it anymore.”
“So, you’re what? Trying to settle down?” he asks.
“Maybe. I hope so. I don’t really want to go back to that.”
“What about your friends?”
I frown. “What about them?”
“Won’t they miss you?”
