My own thoughts flash back to being in the hospital and having to retreat to the car to blast music, so fucking angry Evan wasn’t there—and so pissed at myself that I couldn’t do what I knew he’d be able to do—help Isaac.
“I’m glad he has you,” Evan says.
The statement hits me squarely in the chest—directly in the spot where it got so tight earlier. “Thanks,” I whisper. “Nothing’s changed for him, you know?”
Evan sets down his fork. “I’m not sure how comfortable I am with you speaking for him.”
“I’m not,” I say. “I’m telling you what I know, and that’s that he loves you. And me. Whatever that means for him.”
“And that’sokaywith you?” Evan asks.
“Yes.”
“Do you not get jealous?”
“It’s not like I don’t understand what he sees in you. Or why he wants you. It’s not taking anything from me?—”
“That’s not what you said, though.”
“I don’t want to fight, Evan.”
“I’m not fighting,” he says. “I’m done fighting. I promise. I just wish...”
He trails off, and I almost reach over to shake the rest of the sentence loose from him. “Just wish what?”
“That I could have done it,” he blurts.
“It’s not too late.”
He laughs and gestures…at Hollywood, I guess. “Are you kidding? I live in here now. You and Isaac have been in a month long relationship?—”
“You and him were in a relationship longer than that when I came along.”
“No, we weren’t. And none of that matters because it doesn’t fix what’s broken between you and me.”
“Are we broken?”
“Aren’t we?” he asks.
I understand why he would think so. I thought so, too. But we’re more like a piece of furniture that hasn’t been assembled yet, not one that’s been hacked apart. “I don’t think we ever got a chance. Evan, all I wanted was a chance. If it can’t work, then fuck it, but so what if it’s complicated if it can work?”
“Do you evenlikeme?”
“I literally drove all night.”
“That’s not an answer, Deacon.”
“Of course I like you. I let you live with me, didn’t I? I cooked for you. I walked your dog. I read all your code. I took you out with me. I had sex with you. Multiple times. Sober.”
“Lower your voice, Jesus. I’m not trying to be on someone else’s TikTok.”
I clear my throat and shut up. I hadn’t realized how loud I was being until I notice how quiet it is now.
“You need words, don’t you?” I ask.
“All I ever needed wastime. With you.”
I frown. “I’m here now.”
