“You didn’t ask your boss?”
I shake my head. “It’s Saturday. And... I wanted to hear it from you.”
Something in her face changes. Like she’s weighing how much of herself she’s willing to hand over.
Then, softly. Almost reluctantly:
“RAW. Been a field agent for seven years.”
And just like that—my world tips.
Seven years.
Meaning... she was already in when we were together.
When she held my hand. Slept next to me. Told me she loved me.
Fucking hell.
I can’t stop the blur that fogs my eyes. I blink rapidly, trying to keep it together.
“I was inactive when I was with you,” she offers, as if that would somehow ease the ache behind my ribs.
But I know what she’s doing—giving me something small to hold onto. A thread of sanity I can pretend is solid.
“I think...” I swallow. Hard. “I think I would’ve lost my mind sooner if I knew. I would’ve gone insane wondering what you were going through—went through.”
She looks down—not at her phone, but her lap. Her voice, when it comes, is flat but heavy.
“Most of the high-threat missions began around three years ago. That’s when I stopped having major backup.”
I shut my eyes.
Tactical speak. Tactfullies.
But I hear the truth under it:
She’s seen things. Done things. Suffered through things. Walked into hell with a blade in her teeth and no one watching her back.
And I had no fucking idea. I’m not even privy to that information anymore. I never was.
??????
“You know what’s worse than failure?” I mumble.
Probably not the healthiest way to start a session, but Dr. Reza doesn’t flinch. He just nods, waiting.
“It’s... being invisible after it.”
The words hang there, dry and brittle in my throat—even after I’ve spoken them.
This is the third time I’ve brought up Gree on my own. It still feels dangerous. Like dragging glass across my ribs.
“It’s not the blame,” I say slowly. “No one ever really... blames you. They just stop seeing you. You become the mistake. And then not even that. Just... absence.”
Dr. Reza tilts his head, gently. “Advik... are we talking about your parents? Or Greesha being back?”
What the actual fuck?
