But she knew the truth. She knew that she meant very little to him.
When they returned, Anna took her seat again and noticed that Spencer was sitting with Maria’s baby. He was looking at the little boy as though he would have done anything to protect him, just as a real man would, and in spite of everything, she felt a flicker of attraction to him again. She tried to fight it, but it was a fruitless endeavor. No matter how angry she was, there was no denying that she had fallen for him, and she could not stop herself even if she wanted to.
“How is your oldest?” he asked. “We are yet to see him.”
“He is in his room,” Maria explained. “He has been rather under the weather, and though he is now recovered, I did not want him to pose a risk to this little one, so when we have guests, he waits in there.”
“Fear not, for Gilbert has an illness of his own. Might I go and see him?”
“Of course. He has been rather lonely since his illness, for I would hate for him to have passed it on to anyone else. He shall be grateful for the company.”
Spencer left, and after an exchange of glances between husband and wife, Maria followed after him. Anna knew what Damien was doing: sending Maria to speak with Spencer in an attempt to mend things, but it would be of no use. Spencer would onlyboldly proclaim that he did not love her, that he was only doing what was necessary, and that would be the end of it.
“At last,” Sophia groaned as she stretched. “I thought that he would never leave. He can be insufferable at times.”
“He is your brother,” Anna reminded her.
“I know, which is precisely why I would never expect him to speak about you at such great length. You were all that he could talk about in your absence, wondering if you were alright and whether or not he ought to have followed you. It was sweet, my goodness, does it grow wearisome.”
“I thought that he did not care for me?”
“Who said that?”
“Well… you did. You told me he claimed he is only interested in doing his duty, and that I am part of that.”
Even Damien’s eyes widened at that.
“He told me it was his duty, but that does not mean he does not care for you. He does, or at least I believe that he does. He is not a bad man, Anna. I know that I could be kinder about him, given all that he has done for me, but I hope you know that I do respect him an awful lot. That goes for both of you, for what it is worth.”
“I know. I understand that it is more complicated than I would prefer, but… I do not know. Something about all of this feels unfair. Is it so bad that I wish I were loved?”
Neither one of them responded, and Anna wished that they would. She wanted to know if she was to blame or if there was something that she could have done to change the outcome. She had been difficult, and she had been placid, and neither version of her managed to hold his interest. Nothing that she did was enough for him, and that meant that she had to give in.
She simply hoped that she would, at last, like what she did.
CHAPTER 31
Spencer struggled to comprehend that one day his nephew would be the same size as the boy in front of him.
Would he ever have children of that age? Of any age? He had not even broached the subject with Anna. It was the furthest thing from the right time to ask her, even if he did not know when such a time would come. It had not gone unnoticed by him that she had told him that she loved him, and in return, he had said nothing at all.
He did not know how they could come back from that.
“How has it been since your return?” Maria asked as he played with the boy. “This return, I mean.”
“It has been easier than I expected. Anna has been brilliant, of course. I could not fault the way she has accepted my sister soopenly, and once again, she has taken it all in stride. I did not think that would happen.”
“You ought to give her more credit, then, for you should know by now just how resilient she is.”
“I do, but I also know that one can only be pushed so far. I have changed so much of her life in the last few weeks, and I think it has at last become too much for her.”
Maria simply smiled, not believing him, but Spencer knew he had to be concerned. There had been a shift in his wife, one that he had not been allowed to know about, and it gave him a great sense of discomfort. Anna had always made her feelings known to him, and that was something he did not realize mattered to him that much until then.
“Well then,” Maria said. “What do you plan to do to fix it?”
“I do not know. I want her to feel better, but I do not know what to do. I fear that nothing I do will be enough.”
“Mama, what is happening?” Maria’s son asked.
