Theodora then appeared in the doorway, and Anna knew she could see through her.
“No, I did not. Pardon my intrusion, but I needed to see you both.”
“He has left again, yes?” Theodora asked, entering the room. “I can see it in your eyes.”
“Theodora,” Evelina snapped. “Do not be so cruel.”
“She has every right to be,” Anna sighed, crumpling onto a settee. “She told me only yesterday that this would happen, and I swore that it would not, and yet it already has. He left this morning, returning to the north with no plan to return.”
She expected her younger friend to be righteous, telling her that it was precisely what she had expected, but she did not. Instead, both of them sat on either side of her and leaned against her comfortingly.
“I did not want to be right,” Theodora said softly. “I wanted to be proven wrong, for I cannot stand seeing you like this.”
“I cannot claim to like feeling this way, but I will not pretend that I did not expect it. Spencer knows how I feel for him, and he has left regardless. I thought that he cared for me, but it is clear that he does not.”
“I do not believe that,” Evelina said firmly. “If he did not, he would not have brought those books, nor would he be so… attentive with you.”
“Men will do all sorts of things for such an outcome. It would seem that he has gotten what he wanted, and so it is no surprise that he was so willing to leave. He did not even want me to accompany him, which can only mean that there is something he is hiding there.”
“It is family, is it not?”
“That is what he told me, but now I do not know what to believe.”
She tilted her head back, looking at the intricate patterns in the ceiling. It was a welcome distraction; anything to keep her from thinking of Spencer. The moments of pleasure, the warmth of their rare shared smiles… she wanted her mind empty, and if examining the ceiling would empty it for her, that was exactly what she would do.
“I shall send for tea,” Theodora said suddenly. “With extra sandwiches, for I imagine that you have not yet eaten today.”
Anna thanked her, grateful that her friends knew her as well as they did. Once they were alone, she knew that Evelina would want to impart her wisdom, and she was more than happy to accept it.
“You have changed,” Evelina said instead.
“What do you mean?” she asked, sitting forward again.
“Well, in all of the time that I have known you, you have been sure of yourself. You have never doubted a single move that you made, even if it was not the best idea. I have had to talk you out of so many ridiculous things, for each time you have been certain that you knew best, and that you knew what to do.”
“And now I do not know anything. Is that what you mean to say?”
“No, I am trying to say that you are uncertain. You know even more now than you did before, which is why I do not understand why you are doing this to yourself. You know what is best for you.”
“Yes, but I do not like it. I know that I need to pull away from my husband, and not think about how quickly I am falling for him and how incredible he makes me feel when I am near him. I need to stay far away from him and remember how to be alone.”
“And is that truly what you think is best?”
“You said that I know myself.”
Her friend sighed, and Anna could feel the disappointment. Evelina had always wanted more for herself, and Anna had never believed that she deserved it. She had a husband who was absent, and that meant she had to handle matters alone, and never remind herself that once she had gotten a taste of a better life.
And, like a fool, she had allowed herself to think she was worthy of it.
“Well, you may stay here for as long as you need. It took me a long time to be able to see this home as my own when my husband passed away, so I understand how you are feeling.”
“Thank you,” she said gratefully. “I have informed my housekeeper of my location, and she will bring any correspondence here.”
“So you knew that I would want you to stay here?”
“I know that I have the most wonderful friends, and that they will take care of me even if my husband will not.”
They laughed softly, and the tea arrived. With her affairs in order, Anna was suddenly ravenous. It helped tremendously that Evelina’s cook was one of the best in the country, and the smells of freshly baked goods that came from the tray would have been enough to make anyone hungry.
