“And I have always known that. I have never been very important to anyone, as you know, and someone in my predicament is all too aware that I have only myself to rely on.”
“And that is not true either,” he said roughly, knowing that refuting her claims was futile.
Sophia was strong-willed, and there was no changing it. Spencer knew what was best for them, and he had tried to make her seethings the way that he did, but there was no use. She would always do as she pleased, and he would be left to clean up the mess she made.
“You said that you could fulfil your duties here,” she reminded him. “You told me that Gilbert and I were not burdens, and that you could do what you needed to do without leaving. Suddenly, that changed, and you never told me why. You simply left me without explanation, and I do not understand why.”
Spencer bit his lip. He did need to tell her the truth, but he did not know what she would say. Part of him thought that she would not care at all, and insist that he stayed with her and did what was necessary to help them, but another part of him wondered if she would at last realize that he had to leave.
It would have been preferable had it not meant that he would never see them again. If Sophia closed the door, there would be no way to open it again, even if it was to her detriment. She needed Spencer in a way that Anna did not, and that was why Spencer had preferred to be with her.
What he had never considered, however, was that he might need his wife.
“You are right,” he admitted. “I should have told you why I had to leave, and I will in time.”
“Why not now?” she snapped.
“Because my priority is your son. You should feel the same.”
CHAPTER 22
In spite of everything, Anna thought that Spencer would write to her.
She wished that he did not have to leave, but she understood why he had no choice. She remembered, though vaguely, how her life changed when her mother was unwell, and she knew it was important that anyone who could help did so.
But it did not make it easier to walk through her home. The first time Spencer left, it was not as though she had any memories of the place, but she could no longer see it the same way. The dining room reminded her of the meals they had shared, the drawing room reminded her of the books he brought to her and her friends, the first sign that he cared for her passions.
And she could not set foot in the parlor room at all.
“Are you alright?” Mrs. Phillips asked as they passed one another in the hallway.
“How else can I be? My husband has disappeared again, and I do not know when he will return.”
“Well, at least we know that it will not be a year this time.”
“He says it will not. He has not precisely proved his trustworthiness. I suppose I ought to be pleased about that, yes? I have been abandoned once more, but at least it will not be for an entire year, lest he risk losing his title.”
“I do not mean that he will want to keep his title. He will not like your absence. I would say that he will not be away for more than a month.”
Anna wished that she shared in her housekeeper’s certainty. She wanted to believe that her husband would want to return to her and would do so as quickly as he could, but she knew what had happened before. Whatever was in the north, it was more important to Spencer than she was.
And she was left to handle the aftermath again.
“I cannot do it,” she said quietly. “I cannot wait until he decides to come home again, and I cannot sit here waiting for him. I need to leave for a while.”
“And what of the household affairs?”
“They are not my concern. If they go unhandled, then His Grace can come and take care of them. I, meanwhile, will see my friends and act as a widow once again.”
“But Your Grace,” Mrs. Phillips reasoned, “are you certain that this is what you want? So much has changed, and I do not want you both to regress after you have tried so hard to know one another.”
“I do not want that either. I wanted my husband and me to be with one another, to be—” Her voice broke. ”But he has other ideas, and I cannot stop him. I also cannot bring myself to look at the home that we shared for a month and pretend that I do not care that he has somewhere that he would rather be.”
Her mind made up, she prepared to leave. She did not know how long she would be gone, but she was still a Duchess, in name at least. She could arrange for more things to be brought to her. Within the hour, she was traveling to Evelina’s home, dreading the conversation that she would have with Theodora if she were there.
And, of course, she was.
“Anna!” Evelina exclaimed when she met her in the drawing room. “I was not expecting you. Did you tell Theodora?”
