“About us. I realize that I have… hopes that are perhaps not so easy for you to meet, and that I have asked a lot of you very suddenly.”
“You do have the right to, to an extent. You are my wife, after all.”
“Yes, which is precisely what I have been thinking about. It is strange that I am your wife, and yet I do not know much about you. You never courted me, and we never saw one anotherbefore the wedding day. I do not think that is conducive to a good match, and it did not help me through your absence. It is difficult to trust a stranger, after all.”
“I can imagine. I suppose it is for that reason that I did not expect you to remain loyal to me.”
“And yet I did. So, Your Grace, I have decided that you can make it up to me and fix your mistake.”
He tensed, hoping that she was not going to ask him to take her traveling, or to stay with her for the rest of his life, because it would only lead to a conversation that he could not have yet. It was not the right time, not when their bond was still so fragile.
“What is it?” he asked.
“Well, I have a deal for you. I will agree to your terms, and I will be the perfect wife. As your proposition dictates, we shall be the perfect couple to theton, and we will be a happily married family to anyone who sees us. In return, I want you to earn that happiness. I wish to be courted, and wooed, and taken on dates.”
“Is that all? I would have been more than happy to court you to begin with, but your father said it was unnecessary. If I recall correctly, he even said that you had no interest in a courtship. He said you called it no different from a farmer sizing up a pig.”
Anna laughed, and Spencer remembered what she had said about her father. He had not once cared for her best interests, and he only wanted her married off and out of sight.
With that thought came a tremendous guilt. She had been unhappy before she married him, no doubt, for it was impossible to be happy with such a father, and then just as she thought she might have something more, she was abandoned entirely. He hated that he had done it.
He hated more the knowledge that he would inevitably do it again.
And so, he made his decision. If they were to only have a short time together, he would make it the best that he could. He would be the perfect man, giving her a good experience before he had to go again. He hoped that they had enough time for him to prove that she was not the problem, so that she would not be too hurt when he left again.
Perhaps, she would even understand.
“Very well,” he nodded. “If it is a courtship you want, then that is what you shall have. Promenades, candy, dances, what do you desire?”
“I believe that is for the man to arrange,” she pointed out. “Fortunately, you should know enough about me by now to know what I will enjoy.”
“And, unfortunately, those in a courtship cannot have the same delights that we have had.”
Her face fell at the reminder. He was only teasing her, even if he knew he would have to refrain from such activity if he could help it. Before he could think too much on that, however, she abandoned her meal and made her way to him, sitting in his lap and leaning into his ear.
“Then perhaps,” she whispered. “I should remind you of who I am, and who I belong to.”
He hoped that the skirts of her gown were thick enough that she would not notice the immediate effect that such words had on him.
She pulled away, wide-eyed, and he wished that she were not so alluring. He wished he had found her repulsive, so that he could do what was necessary. He did not, of course. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, and he had thought that since the day they had met.
That was why he had been so surprised that she seemed to only want him. She could have had any man she wanted, and it was clear that they wanted her, too, but she had refused them each time. All she wanted was her husband, and in return, what had he given her?
“I already know,” he said in a gentle voice, his hands resting on her hips. “You are my wife. You belong to me.”
She giggled, climbing off of him and returning to her seat. She proceeded to eat her dinner as if nothing had happened, but her smile remained throughout. He envied the way she was happy without the shadow of guilt coming the way it did to him. But he only had himself to blame for that.
He had another impossible night, where he tried in vain to fall asleep until he physically could not remain awake any longer and succumbed to it. As was often the case, he did not dream of anything, either. He simply closed his eyes and then opened them again, exhausted even though he had only just woken up.
He made his way to breakfast and saw that Anna was on her way there too. She was not dressed, having remained in her nightgown just as he liked. It appeared that, with him trying to be a good husband, she was more than willing to reciprocate it, doing whatever she could to please him.
And it was eating him up inside.
CHAPTER 16
“Ican dress for the day, if you like.”
Anna had deliberately gone to breakfast in her nightgown, for she knew her husband liked it, but when he did not stop staring at her, she wondered if he thought she was improper.
