The truth was that hurting his wife in any way made him feel dreadful, and it simply did not sit right with him. He had to leave eventually; he knew that, but he did not want to hurt Anna in the process.
“Then why are you so concerned? You left her the first time without a care. Nothing has changed since then.”
Spencer could not quite meet his eye.
“Unless there have been changes,” Alexander suggested, “and if there are, you ought to tell me them.”
“I do not think it is wise to do that. It is a delicate matter.”
Alexander’s eyes widened, and he reached out for Spencer’s drink and swallowed it in one gulp.
“Is the marriage consummated?”
“No. No, it is not, but I fear that it may eventually be. I do not know how much longer I can resist her.”
“Perhaps that is for the best? You are happy here, I can see it. If you are enjoying your wife’s company and you feel at home here, then why not stay? Sophia will be fine without you.”
“She would not be, and you know that as well as I do. I do not have the option to leave her and the boy behind, and I must return. My only concern is how I will do that without hurting anyone.”
“I think you know that is impossible,” Alexander said firmly. “So the question, if you do not want to tell your wife the truth, is this: who would you rather hurt?”
Spencer thought about that throughout his journey home. He knew who he would have to choose in the end. And it was not his wife, but it made him ache more than he ever would have expected. He did not want to lie to his wife anymore, nor did he want to speak with her while knowing he was going to walk away eventually.
And yet, he could not change what was to come.
“Did you enjoy your day?” Anna asked at dinner. “You were with the Scarlet Duke, were you not?”
“Do you ladies have a name for all of us?” he asked.
“Only the ones that interest us,” she joked. “I can assume you know why he has such a reputation, at least.”
“Yes, the same reason we all have our reputations. They come from unfounded gossip.”
“I would hardly call it unfounded. He is proud of his title, which is precisely why he remains unmarried. It is what he wants.”
“You speak so unkindly of him. I would not have expected that from you, especially considering he only has good things to say about you.”
Anna paused, her fork halfway to her lips, and smiled.
“You should know that I do not think lowly of him at all. Actually, I think he is a good man, and he and I forged a friendship of sorts during your absence. That is precisely why I feel at ease talking about him like this.”
“Even if you know it is untrue?”
“I cannot confirm nor deny, for he refused to discuss the matter with me. I was not only a lady, but the wife of his friend. He would not answer my questions about it, which I can only take to mean guilt.”
“How so?”
“If he were innocent, he would have said so. I assume that the two of you discussed our– our antics, and you were likely proud of yourself for it, too. I know how men are.”
Spencer wanted to inform her that she was wrong and that he was a gentleman, and therefore kept such intimacies to himself, but, of course, he had not. It had not happened in the way she expected, with him using their moments as fodder for gossip, or something for his friend to envy, but he had said it all the same.
“Exactly,” she continued when she saw his face. “And there is nothing wrong with it. You know that I am the same with my friends, as it is a titillating topic of conversation.”
It was indeed, and the thought of their antics alone was enough for him to want to continue it, but he held himself back. If he continued to engage in such behaviors with her, it would only make it more difficult to leave.
“Regardless,” she continued, “I have been thinking while you were away.”
“Oh? What about?”
