Once more.
Whirling, I glare at Callan. “Could you at least try to control your breathing?”
He looks back at me, open-mouthed and brows all furrowed. He sounds affronted. “My breathing is entirely normal.”
I shake my head. “It’s not, I assure you.”
I’m so aware of him beside me that I cannot concentrate. “You need to move. Over there.”
When he says nothing, I turn to glare at him again. “Why are you smiling—stop that.”
“Stop what?” He’s very clearly amused by me. “I’m sitting here. Merely existing.”
“That,” I grit out, “is the problem. Exist somewhere else.”
He is infuriating.
His amusement surges into laughter. “I don’t know whether to be delighted that you’re so obviously aware of me, Selene, or offended that I seem to disturb you so greatly that you can’t bear to be around me.”
Frowning, I pull my knees up and wrap my arms around them, hugging the boots Esme cast for me.
He does not move. I knew he would not.
But he gently pushes my fingers away from my wrist as I reach for it. “Don’t do that. Please. I will move, if that’s what you need.”
I shake my head. “I no longer know what I need, or want, or know. I am so tired of knowing nothing, Callan. Stumbling along as if I’m still falling through the Sea of Stars without any idea of how to fly back up.”
He shifts closer. Until our arms are pressed together, and I find myself breathing a little easier as the heat of his skin soaks into me, even through our clothes. “Then we need to find you some weapons for this particular battle. Is it possible there’s information in the faeyte records?”
Shock washes over me. “They’re still here?”
“I believe so. There were many in the smaller temple at the top. Most of the soldiers refused to step foot over the doorway, so I think it’s more or less intact.”
“You’re talking about the Sanctum.”
Callan searches my face. “I would very much like to know what this expression means.”
I swallow. “We don’t enter the Sanctum until our Ascension Day. There are steps. Traditions. A ceremony in the great hall, with my sisters around me. I would have climbed the steps to the Sanctum, alone. And once there, Hala would have given me my name. My Calling. And my sisters would have joined me once more for my first flight, from the very top of the temple to the ground. It would have been the most significant day of my life.” I huff out a bitter laugh. “Actually, itwasthe most significant day of my life.”
Callan’s face softens in understanding. “It was to be the day of the Shift. You had flowers in your hair.”
And a dress, pressed by Celeste, stained and ripped and bloodied. “Yes. I’ve never set foot in the Sanctum. I’m not sure I should.”
Callan inhales. “You are the last faeyte, Selene. That’s not your fault, and you cannot change it. There is nobody to tell you what you should be doing. Would your sisters have wished for you to be barred from there forever, for a situation not of your own making? You did not forsake your goddess that day. And now you’re here, after all this time. Perhaps it means something more than this.”
He gestures to the Sea of Stars. “Perhaps your presence here has nothing to do with us at all.”
Nyx and Celeste had told me that I would return, and they were right. But Callan is right too. They’re not here to tell me what I need to do next. “I will think about it.”
I force a smile. We’ve been here for hours and made no progress. My head is aching. “I think I may be done for the day. Will Petyr be angry?”
He shakes his head. “Don’t worry about Petyr. I’ll call for the cart.”
I catch his hand as he stands. “I’d like to walk back. Through the town, if I may. To be there again.”
Callan pulls me up with ease. His hands land on my shoulders as our eyes meet. “You’re not a prisoner here. No matter what Petyr blusters. You don’t need my permission, not for this or anything else.”
My heart is heavy. “Aren’t we all prisoners here?”
