“Baby.” He grunts. His hands tightening. “I can’t – I’m going to—,”
Emotion grips my throat in a choking hold as I watch him lose control. Warmth spills into me, Ben pulling my hips down and thrusting up.
He’s breathing heavily as his head thuds back against the pillow. But I’m not breathing at all.
“Em, that was...,”
His voice trails off. He’s watching me now, the haze vanishing from his eyes and leaving only understanding behind.
I don’t know what he sees in my expression. I bite the side of my cheek hard, shaking my head. “I’m okay.”
Don’t ruin it.
Don’t—
He reaches for my cheek and runs his thumb across it, lifting it to show me the tear. And his voice is quiet. “No, you’re not.”
My face crumples, and then he’s sitting up. He’s still inside me as he wraps one arm around my back, the other around my neck, and draws me to him. “Come here.”
Another tear.
More.
Until I’m sobbing silently into his neck, my whole body shaking as he holds me tightly. “It’s going to be okay.”
No, it’s not.
Nothing will ever be okay again.
“I’m… I’m sorry.” The words are halting and broken as I speak them into his skin. “I didn’t mean to ruin things.”
He exhales, air brushing against my ear, “You didn’t ruin anything. You need to let this out. God knows I’m leaning on you enough. You can lean on me too.”
I bite back the refusal as he holds me tightly. Both of us are trembling now, faced with the reality of what’s coming. My fingers curl into the hair at the nape of his neck. “Are you… are you scared?”
His breathing sounds wet. I don’t move my face to look, each of us hiding in the other.
“No,” he says finally. “I mean… I was. Maybe I still am. But mostly… I’m so tired, Em. And the more tired I get, the less scared I feel. If I’m scared, it’s of what I’m leaving behind. Not what I have ahead of me.”
He runs his hand down my back. “I’m going to call Jared tomorrow.”
I pull my face back at that, wanting to see his expression. Drops of water cling to his eyelashes. “You are?”
He nods, glancing away. The shadows catch in the hollows of his face, gaunter now. “It’s time. Probably past time, truthfully.”
He looks exhausted, and the guilt hits me again, even as it entwines with a sudden burst of nerves at the thought of meeting Ben’s brother. “We should sleep.”
I try to climb off him, but his hold tightens. “Not yet. Tomorrow will get here sooner if I close my eyes.”
“Okay,” I whisper. I lean back, running my hands through his hair. “How about a shower?”
He almost smiles. “You trying to get me naked, Emmy Marsters?”
I lean back slightly, giving an obvious look down his body. “I think I already did that.”
“You did,” he murmurs. “And very well. But I didn’t hold up my end of the bargain. I still owe you one toe-curling orgasm.”
“I don’t care about that—.”
